Hits just keep coming

Hand off didn't go as plan. Cage was too heavy so took the lid off. Carried furbabies to car and Luthien got loose. She was under my car, then another car. Then I lost her. I screamed her name for half a hour and wouldn't come to me. Anyway, Eowyn and Boromir are with foster mother today. I was planning on cleaning for landlord's inspection, but now looking for a ferret for a hour. PS.OMG, Knock on the door and it is a woman with Luthien. She just showed up on her porch and her father the maintenance guy told her I was missing a ferret. Must have seen the shirts outside I put out so Luthien could catch my scent and find her way home. My neighbor lived across the courtyard. I offered a reward and she refused it. Apparently Luthien was filthy so she got another bath. Thank you God, I've been praying all day.

Hit with Another Curve Ball

Gave the ferrets a bath and cleaning their cage for the foster family tomorrow. I asked for help looking at houses from family and some are freaking out how I can't buy a house cause I have no what I'm doing. I never owned a house so I should not ever buy one you know. That's why I asked for advice, I know my own limitations. I don't know much about cars either and trust my mechanic to fix it for me (since it runs so I'm happy). I know this sudden, but it's a new home or dispose of the ferrets. I didn't get my ferrets to throw them away when life got hard. I got a mortgage loan, I just need the house. I got my realtor friend, my Mom, my sister, and brother-in-law looking at the next possible house. I'm sure if they have concerns, they will be voiced. My heart is breaking giving my furbabies to someone else cause we will be separated. I can visit and will get them back, but it still hurts. I just don't need extra stress of fighting with my whole family how incompetent I am in the world. I had hard times before and will have them again. The soft words of "You will survive" is what I want to hear.

Thought had time, but no

Since it has been a week since I dropped off my notice asking for patience to close on a house. Get a call today from landlord giving me 7 days to find ferrets a new home or face a 7 day eviction notice on my door. Contacted a kennel facility who will take in my ferrets for $50 a day, so $3000 for 2 months. I have a realtor friend and former work friend living 30 miles away contacting places to help me find home my ferrets are allowed to live in. Praying hard tonight they succeed. Please heavenly father let me find a new home.

PS. Former work friend talked to her friend at a shelter that has a program for people in crisis in need of shelter for their pets with intention of animals being returned. So the ferrets will be in foster care until I find a new home for us. I hope it will be soon.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers, stepmothers, adoptive mothers, foster mothers, pet mothers, mother figures, and single fathers playing the part of mother. Granted I never gave birth to any children, but why should I sit here feeling sorry for myself. My pets' Mother's Day gift was waking me up at 6:30 AM for a cuddle. Nothing like the feeling of fur against your skin. I'll take it. Gave my Mom a lawn chair for her present. She is always borrowing mine or my sister's chair when we go places so she now can stop doing that. Had a buffet lunch at Bonaza with my two sisters, our mother, 2 brother-in-laws, my aunt, my niece, and nephew. Niece and nephew were tortured with talking to their relatives instead of playing on their Kindles. Such as life. Now working on laundry. Had a good day talking to everybody.

House tours

If anyone wants to be my hero, here's your chance.

Need a new home or at least a new home for my ferrets and only 2 people lift a finger to help me. My realtor friend showed me and my Mom who is supplying half the down payment 2 houses today. Didn't really like either one, pet safety issues and narrow driveways. Never realized so many houses don't have dishwashers or showers. Realtor friend is having trouble finding a house in my price range with fencing to keep furbabies safe. I need a fence in case my cats or ferrets escape out the door, they could get hit by a car if nothing is there to stop them. Better luck next viewing.

New fish and still praying for a new home

Got a new red female Beta fish I named Nyx.

Realtor friend is still looking for a new home us. At least I got someone who cares on my side. Most people only want happy news, so naturally I don't look for comfort from them and expect them to keep their distance when I'm stressed. Some days I can't be actor for them. I know it's my fault for animals so much. Squirrels outside will eventually stop receiving peanuts. Praying for a miracle. Wish me luck.

RIP Rhea

RIP Rhea. My new red female Beta died suddenly. She wasn't even full grown yet, more like a teenager. Hope this is not a bad omen.

Sigh of Relief

Realtor friend is helping me find a new home for us. Her lender approved a loan so just need a home to move into. Explained I don't have to live in the same big city I work in, plus I grew up in a small town so I can move into a small town if the price is right. I'm flexible. I just want to keep my furbabies together. I didn't get them to throw them away when life gets hard. With my loan secured, I breathe a sigh of relief cause I have hope.

Choice between my furbabies or find a new home

It finally has happened...Four years in the making. My new baby Boromir escaped out the door and neighbor called the apartment manager. Now I must choose between finding a new home for the ferrets and finding a new home for all of us (2 cats, 3 ferrets, and 4 Beta fish). I am praying for a miracle, though with my luck miracles don't happen. Not to me anyway. I need a hero so badly. SOS.

Happy Birthday Frodo

My cat Frodo celebrated his 11th Birthday today. The old man spent half his day on my lap and the other half in the quiet guest bed (one of his favorite spots). Got him a cake and the new ferret Boromir got his first taste of frosting. He didn't like it very much. Eowyn the ferret licked the frosting like crazy (she loves it). Then the furbabies got a can of tuna (cats and ferrets like tuna). Had to chase Frodo down to get a photo cause animals hate The Flash. All in all, had a good day.

Asthma Attack

Knock, knock, knock.

I wonder who that could be.

Are you missing a white ferret? There's one under my sink.

Oh my goodness, I didn't realize one of ferrets got out.

Boromir! What are doing under the neighbor's sink? I'm so sorry ma'am.

Neighbor wondered how my furbaby got under her sink.

Took Boromir home with a scolding. He was a hungry baby. Then when it hit me how close I was to loosing Boromir after 6 days (and lost my baby ferret Beren after 1 day), my asthma started acting up and I burst into tears. I'm still shaken up by it. I was paranoid all week constantly looking for furbabies to make sure no furbaby got out. This morning Luthien and Boromir were at the door when I left for work. I swished them inside with my foot and I don't know how I missed Boromir escaping into the hallway. Thank goodness for a good neighbor. The shelter down the street hates me because each ferret I have gotten eventually escapes (Luthien is the exemption so far) making me such a horrible caretaker letting them escape into a dangerous world as if I do it on purpose. Well, Boromir is home.

Post later.

It's a Boy Again

Got a new boy ferret again. Hopefully this one will stay away from the front door. He is named Boromir and is a DEW ferret (dark-eyed white)which can mean deafness. He hasn't made a sound except for a sneeze so he might be deaf. I have a deaf uncle so not a big issue for me. I just can't call him and expect him to answer. Vibrations and hand movements will be our communication, plus reacting to the other hearing ferrets I have once they start napping together. One step at a time.

Had a good Easter

Spent my Easter Sunday in my Mom's apartment with brother's and sister's families. Brother showed photos of their vacation during spring break. Sister's kids enjoyed playing hide and seek in the hallways. Found a Bunny cake the grocery store the kids love and fought for the tushy piece with whipped frosting fluffy tail. They smeared the bunny tail on two piece of cake so they could share it. They are getting better solving their own arguments. Brought Star Wars macaroni and cheese since almost everyone loves the series in my family, wasn't much left when took home the leftovers. Well, nothing else to report.

Going to the Ballet

Taking my Mom to the ballet today. Didn't really want to go by myself and she likes those sort of things.

Wicked dream

Had a wild dream driving down the freeway that made me nervous to drive my car. I start to sweat and shake gripping the steering in hands. It's a dream I've first had 17 years ago and reoccurs once in a while, usually when driving at high speeds.

The Dream:

I'm driving down a gravel road in a car I don't recognize (black with gray interior). I just dropped off a couple girls excited about their bedroom walls being painted in a new home. The love of my life tells me he doesn't want to be married to me anymore because he is tired of dealing with my mother. I leave in tears and take off in my car. I'm punching the passenger seat and slamming my hand against the steering wheel furious at him. Then a rabbit races across the road and I jump in startlement to jerk the wheel. I skid around terrified and aim for a tree to stop the car thinking the air bag will save me. I pray "Please God let me see my kids again." to smash into the tree. Everything goes black.

I wake up lying down thinking my ribs are broken so something is poking me. Realize it's my seat belt and undo it so I can move. I open my eyes and the steering wheel had no air bag deployed. Some guy comes up and asks if I'm alright. I ask who he is. He is surprised and explains we went school together. He pulls me out of the car and I lay on the grass waiting for help to arrive. Ambulance comes and they tell me not to fall asleep. I sleep anyway and wake up to be paralyzed to hear a baby crying. Paramedic at my feet is holding the crying baby in a blanket. Another paramedic placed the baby girl on my chest. I struggled to move and manage to touch her wet hair. I have no idea where this baby came from, it wasn't in the car when I was driving furiously punching the seat.

Next I'm in a hospital room surrounded by strangers trying to get me to remember them. Few of them cry. One storms out and someone tells me not to contact her cause she is so flaky. People get concerned about the love of my life coming by with roses and I claim he takes out in a wheelchair through the courtyard. I'm told I'm imagining things and simply crazy cause he cares nothing for me

I am the master of crazy dreams.

Shorts Weather is Here

Weatherman said it would reach 75 today. So naturally had to shave my winter coat off hiding under my jeans. Quite invigorating sitting on my bed covered in lotion with silky smooth skin with the window open and all this cool air blowing in. Capri jeans were a little tight when I finally got them on. If I had a man around he would have gotten some, but alas, no man wants any from me. Or at least a man who intends to stick around after touching my silky smooth skin. Ok, I'm done grossing people out now. Have a great weekend.

RIP Gaia

Lost another female Beta. My beautiful blue girl came as a tiny baby and was growing into a lady the males were starting to notice. She will be missed.

More Dreams giving me a headache

Had the most horrible migraine this weekend to the point I was lying on my couch for most of it. Waited until today to do laundry cause I just couldn't go out into the rain to do it.

This time my dream was me breast feeding a baby wearing fuzzy blue footie pajamas so I assume it's a boy while sitting in a living room. A teenage boy who is beginning to get acne so about 13-14 enters the house to thump his things down so I assume coming home from school. I cover up. He sits in a chair across from me. He wants to hold his baby brother when I'm done. Later a taller teenage boy comes home and relaxes in a recliner to change the channel on the TV while the other boy is holding the baby. I ask the older boy if he wants a turn before I put the baby in the bassinet. His face says yes, but then he withdraws to say no. I tell him it's okay to like me and his baby brother. It may feel like an act of betrayal to like your new stepmother and the baby from her, but I won't tell anyone you boys enjoy holding the baby except maybe your father. Then a voice from the kitchen says, Tell me what. I explain the awkward situation of conflicting feelings. Naturally the handsome father wants to hold the baby too. Eventually I put the baby in the bassinet in a corner of the living room and prepare in dinner in the kitchen. Apparently I got a crockpot from a shower and love using it. That night is pulled pork. It was a nice dream.

RIP Hera

RIP Hera. My baby girl fish I got a few months ago died today. I saw her swim to her food this morning and then this evening cleaning fish tanks, she was gone. She loved looking at the male fish. She was the length of a fingernail. I don't know who thinks I'm not in enough pain, but my heart is filled with it.

Nearly lost my male baby fish when trying to net him to clean his tank. He jumped out of the tank to flop around on the table. I got him scooped up and he swims normally so hopefully nothing broke from the fall.

The Art of Losing

One Art

By Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident

the art of losing’s not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.