The Adventures of Being Me

Joke 1 Guy speaking: My girlfriend took my beer and porn and locked it up in a safe. She explained the combination is her birthday. Me: What a way to get a guy to remember your birthday. Joke 2 Friend: Time to ditch your man, your friends, and even your phone for a solo adventure. Why? Experts say it will rock your world...and change the way your brain works. Me: That describes my life every day. Except the 2 days a year I take the cats to the vet.  

Had an early bird special and expected a large crowd right before the end time for the sale. Waiting, waiting. Had a spurt of customers checking out, but no large crowd. Oh well, I'll just stand here a daydream. Nope, coworkers have to talk to me. One commented how skinny and beautiful I am while she is fat and ugly. Yeah, we look the same size. Compare pants sizes and there is 1 size difference between us. Amazing. Weight is not a number, but a perception. Then another coworker failed to understand how can I work as a lowly cashier when I have a college degree. Um, cause nobody will pay me to do anything else. What about teaching? she asks. Sure, if I had a Master's or PHD, I could be a college professor. But I have a little Bachelor's so that would be a no. How did I get here? I'm college educated. How do I explain that the only people impressed with my Mighty College Education are people who never went to college? But instead, I reply that I i...

Social network page friend who has a child who was devastated when a friend of theirs commited suicide. In response to comforting her child, this person says that school children need to be nice to each other. I find this amazing coming from the bully from hell from 1st grade through 12th grade. Wow, said person really grew up. I did too, that's why said ex-bully is my social network page friend. 

Joke of the day: Customer asks how I am really doing (Already replied: I'm always good in front of customers). Ok. I'm wishing I'm married to a millionaire but there is a short supply of those in Iowa. Ba da dum. If I were to move to a place where lots of rich people lived, I'm sure the only word a millionaire would say to me would be "Waitress".

I'm ready to take my break, BUT the coworker who is suppose to come in at the same time I take my break is not there. Okay, 5 minutes late you think she is just stuck in traffic.15 minutes late you think she better be in a ditch. 30 minutes late start to get PO'ed cause I want my break and customers keep coming so can't call for a manager for help. Call for additional sales clerk to help me with the crowd gathering at my register. Coworker and manager come to help. 40 minutes make my coworker's absence when I need a break known to manager. Oh, her husband called to say she was sick and manager forgot all about it. Thanx. Get my break and return to find coworker there. 1 hour late. What is she doing here, she suppose to be sick? She took a sleeping pill instead of a look alike pill she was suppose to take and it knocked her out. Poor dear. At the end of my shift, I'm by myself and not suppose to abandon the counters. Call for additional help for other registers is ...

Worked my day off, good thing I had my laundry done when they called. Then asked to stay longer cause we were so busy. Heck yeah, I need all the hours I can get. When it died down and no cars in the parking lot, they said I could leave. During my 2nd break from extended hours, I saw a half full bag of popcorn in the breakroom. Asked gal if she knew who left it here. Nope. OK, then I am claiming this abandoned and ate it. I had so available cookies too and stuffed my face. I'm selfish when hungry. It's true.

My poor coworker got a customer w/5 coupons that are 1 per person. Asked her how she got so many. She bought them on Ebay. What kind of idiot buys coupons? Coupons are free people. Probably explains where the phony coupons come from. Naturally I checked Ebay and yes, you can buy coupons to my store in packs of 5 or 10 for 99 cents to $15. If you do buy coupons, please don't use them all at once or you will raise the alarms in our heads.

I take my cat Precious for a walk. Neighbor with dog comes by and asks if my cat is pregnant. No, I reply, HE is just fat.

I get 3 days off and I spend it cleaning my apartment. What is wrong with me? I finally run out of things to clean and can relax. Cats too. They hate the vacuum. I spent 2 nights, 6 hours total, working on my novel to complete: 4 pages. At least I finished a chapter and began another. Oh the trials of creating stories out of your head. Now time for bed. Gotta work tomorow.

Reading tributes to 9/11 Anniversary, or rather angry revenge sentiments, I recall Yoda in Episode 1 telling little Anakin: Fear leads to hate, hate leads to anger, anger leads to suffering. I see much fear in you. Not all Muslims are the enemy just like not all Christians are neo-Nazis.

10 years ago, I woke up and got ready for work at a airport car rental. The radio driving to work was nonstop talk about a plane crash in Pennsylvania. Whatever. I was frustrated I couldn't find any music on the radio. Show up for my training at my new job (I had a 2nd job as well at the time). My manager cried, OMG, did you see what happened. People had said it was like watching a movie, except this was real. SO unbelievable. Yeah, I heard something about a plane crashing in a field in Pennsylvania, What is going on around here? Manager sent me to the airport bar to watch on TV. There I saw the planes crash into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and the field in Pennsylvania. Manager said all planes landed immediately and they had hundreds at their counter wanting a car. It was crazy this morning. So the rest of the day, I sat in a corner while manager told everyone we are sold out of cars. I returned some cars from stranded passengers. Found ou...

Why do people ask for a truthful answer to "How R U?". Trust me, you don't want the truth of how my day is going. I'm happy as a clam and luv my job. What could I possibly be bitchy about?

Got a call from my office asking me to come in hours early from a coworker calling in sick, at 6 AM. I was asleep and didn't wake up to receive message until 11 AM. Sorry, I sleep in when I'm not due to work until the afternoon. Oh well.

I wake up and pet Frodo ready for attention. Then my monthly visitor has to shed blood all over my pj's and sheets, and mattress cover. So use up my quarters to wash damn sheets instead of clothes. Bet you didn't want to read that. So here I am petting the cats and waiting for sheets to dry. Soon get to work and come home to sleep cause got to get up early tomorrow to work again. Nice birthday for me. At least I have birthday cards to look at. Maybe eat cake later in the week, or maybe next week when my sister finally remembers my birthday like she does every year. Happy Birthday to me. And on top of all that, the washer or dryer ruins my new bra. At work I altered my story to The Cat Puked on the sheets b/c thought the blood might be too graphic. Now sitting with the cats eating pizza.

Yes, we got Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are at my store (if you don't know which one, then I ain't gonna tell you). I wondered if we are funding their divorce. Customer says poor Marc will paying lots of child support so he neds our money. Nice stuff too.