The Adventures of Being Me

Twas the night before Christmas and through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a toy mouse The stockings were hung on the bookcase with care With hopes of St Nicholas soon would be there The cats in the kitchen and mama in bed Eowyn, Luthien, and I slept in the basement after being fed Visions of red toys and dangling Christmas balls Filled my dreams of what this Christmas thing befalls When out on the lawn there was a loud POP I sprang from the ferret room and saw the cats lollop Away to the window I bounced like a bunny Then Precious and Frodo came running The moon glowing upon the new fallen snow Covering the mushy leaves unraked below When what to my wondering ferret eyes should appear But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer With a little old driver so bright red and quick I so badly wanted give that toy a lick More rapid than eagles his coursers they came And he whistled and shouted and called them by name Now Jingles Now Jangles Now Ivy and Holly On Snowbal...

Merry Christmas to all my family and friends. I spent my New Year's Eve with a lethargic ferret scared he was going to die right in my arms. Skin was all purple, not eating or drinking. New Year's Day he was more alert and drinking water so I was happy. Come Monday, he was still struggling to tinkle so off to the vet we went. Tests showed he had an infection causing bladder stones and given antibiotics. After 2 days at the vet’s office, he went into kidney failure and I brought Faramir home to die with his family. Next morning, he was still alive screaming every half hour as he got worse. I scheduled to have him euthanized in the afternoon and he died on the way there. Vet curled him up in a box and I buried him in a flower pot 3 weeks short of his 4th Birthday. Happy New Year to me. Attended the Extended Family Christmas at a park shelter in Waukee and everyone relayed their condolences. Next, my female Beta fish Artemis died. Got a baby female fish named Hera and she died ...

Sorry I haven't posted for months. Living a busy life searching for a new home (Found one and moved in 2 months ago) and trying to visit ferrets their foster home (they were happy to come home). Poor Precious cat had to go to the vet and so scared that he peed his fur and had to take carrier top off to get to him. He weighed in at 16 lbs (his max was 22 lbs) so he lost a pound since last year. Went to the local amusement park with sister's family and lost my prescription glasses on a ride and got them back the next day. Tried to train a new coworker to take over one of my projects and had to ask my manager to stop cause this person wasn't catching on. Too bad they later were let go from the job. Had tornadoes near by hometown and my Mom's hometown and luckily no fatalities. Nearly bought a house in my hometown, but the roof was bad from the storm that recently happened so had to walk away from it. Spent 4th of July with my sister's family and played frisbee with m...

Happy Father's Day to all the Fathers, Stepfathers, Adoptive Fathers, Foster Fathers, Pet Fathers, any Father Figures, and Single Mothers playing the role of father too. Yesterday attending a family reunion at my Aunt in Omaha's house. Had a good time talking about our recent vacation in the Ozarks with Aunt and Uncle. Told everybody about lack of progress in finding a new home so I can get my ferrets back (apartment landlord doesn't appreciate my love for animals). Still clinging to hope cause that is all I have. Realtor friend is talking to a seller and will inspect the house this week and she said if it's my price that I will see it first. I miss my first ferrets so much. Nephew said I would be happier with a husband. Yeah, if I could snap my fingers and a man I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with magically appeared, I would have married him 20 years ago and have a bunch of kids and possibly grandkids by now. I guess I'm just cursed to be alone....

Took a vacation to the Ozarks to visit family. Enjoyed the scenery, tourist spots, and boat rides on the lake. Saw caves and state parks. Rode a waverunner and started my Christmas shopping. Had a good time. Come home to find my cat sitter rearranged my place with their helping me pack up stuff. Cats were happy to see me and not the cat sitter. One cat has matted fur I need to comb out. Laundry and grocery shopping to refill the empty fridge will be done today. Will visit my ferrets in foster care tomorrow. I hope I find a new home this week, I want my furbabies back.

Congratulations high school or college students, I thought long and hard as to how I got the honor of standing here before you today. I'm a success. You know who I am to ask me to speak at your graduation. And my words will be forgotten as this day becomes a distant memory for you. I hope you will remember this part: It doesn't matter what you did in high school or college in grades or sports or club activities, none of that will make you a success. What does matter is what you do as an adult is what will make you a success. And life is not a success only journey. You will fail, you will work jobs you hate, you will smile at people you don't like, you will loose jobs and people you cherish, and hopefully you get back up and keep trying. Nikki Sixx once said on Twitter how amazed he was at how hard people work to get nowhere. It takes years of hard work to become an overnight success. My best advice I can give is simply to take the time to figure out what you do best and ...

Sad day, the 2 houses I wanted to view this week got sold yesterday. But, received new listings from realtor friend and hopeful to see 1 house like before it gets sold. It's beautiful and spacious going by the photographs. It's in my sister's old neighborhood (she was there for over 10 years and moved b/c the school district didn't teach computers at the elementary school level). I'm so excited and crossing fingers. At one house viewing, I told my niece and nephew that if my basement was big enough I would get a pool table. I don't think they ever played pool so they must learn. I grew up with my brother's pool table in the basement (and broke the bridge when I was about 7 so had to learn weird positions to hit the ball). I taught them how to play chess once. Have to see if nephew remembers when we go on vacation. I'm visiting relatives so don't have to pay for a hotel. I know we will find things to do.

Working hard to get work done and get hit with another baby dream. I'm getting so tired of these dreams, just wish the guy in them would just show up in my life. So anyway, dream of bringing home a newborn baby boy from the hospital. Snow is on the ground and we missed a snowstorm while I was in the hospital. Nobody is home cause kids are at school. Kind of weird in my dreams the guy has custody and ex wife gets visitation, but then again these dream stepsons are teenagers so probably pulled away emotional from mama when puberty hit. Set baby down for a nap after his lunch and my guy gets frisky. He has been so lonely since I went away to the hospital, apparently I was there for nearly a week. We have a cuddle and I enjoy the frisky attention. It was a good dream. We are getting a new coworker next week and I'm on vacation so have to wait to meet them. I'm certain dream guy will not be my pending coworker cause my dream guy is not an accountant.

Visited the cemeteries and saw a new tombstone for my cousin along with my aunt and uncle names next to hers my grandparents' stone. Guess family wanted a place to remember my cousin who was cremated years ago and ashes spread in another state. Visited my furbabies in foster care waiting for me to buy a new house. I'm trying, but low cost houses are not well kept (that's why they are cheap). Looking for a low cost house I can handle. I want my furbabies back. Had an angel decoration sitting on top of my bookcase fall to the floor. Some people think it's a sign from someone. Wonder what the message I'm suppose to receive, Angel fell from heaven to earth to be with me? Reminded me of a poem I wrote once: My best friend gone for eternity What will become of me Who will hold my hand When I can no longer stand Where is my angel to hold me tight I will I get through each night My cries, no one hears And nobody sees my tears Where is my angel for bad and for worse I...

Got off work early so took the car in for an inspection before my vacation. Don't want to break down in the middle of nowhere. Mechanic inspected everything and only changed a bulb in the turning signal. I can live with that. Having people coming over to help pack up my stuff. I haven't bought a house yet and I have people ready to pack me up. Hope I find a good home soon, I want my ferrets back. They are safe in foster care. Foster family just took in a baby squirrel. They took video of squirrel meeting ferrets. They are scaredy ferrets. Manager hired someone will start in a couple weeks. Still looking for more workers and said they want to interview more people before deciding on taking on anymore. The pressure is on us to make up the work lost by loosing 3 coworkers last week. We work as fast as we can. Well, not much to report this week.

Doing my work and suddenly hear carousal music playing my head. Funny, coworkers wear headphones so never hear their music. Brush it off and the vision starts. I'm walking down the local amusement park main street shops area with the carousal playing in the background. I'm holding hands with a very handsome man and note there is a ring on my engagement hand. We are with 2 teenage boys lagging behind being goofy. My niece and nephew are there too. Niece is very attached to me since she is with new people. She grabs my other hand and nephew starts to walk funny like other boys. Niece thinks she should pick all the rides. I tell her maybe I'll win her a stuffed toy. Next I'm at the skee ball area and present a stuffed toy to my niece. We walk away toward the food stands and meet up the boys. Some lady sees me with my man and asks how long we have been married. I say, " A week". Lady congratulates us saying we resemble an old married couple and walks away. My...

It finally happened, someone I know got scammed out of a bunch of money they will never get back. Their reason: They seemed nice and insistent I give them money. Please watch out for people you care about.

Hand off didn't go as plan. Cage was too heavy so took the lid off. Carried furbabies to car and Luthien got loose. She was under my car, then another car. Then I lost her. I screamed her name for half a hour and wouldn't come to me. Anyway, Eowyn and Boromir are with foster mother today. I was planning on cleaning for landlord's inspection, but now looking for a ferret for a hour. PS.OMG, Knock on the door and it is a woman with Luthien. She just showed up on her porch and her father the maintenance guy told her I was missing a ferret. Must have seen the shirts outside I put out so Luthien could catch my scent and find her way home. My neighbor lived across the courtyard. I offered a reward and she refused it. Apparently Luthien was filthy so she got another bath. Thank you God, I've been praying all day.

Gave the ferrets a bath and cleaning their cage for the foster family tomorrow. I asked for help looking at houses from family and some are freaking out how I can't buy a house cause I have no what I'm doing. I never owned a house so I should not ever buy one you know. That's why I asked for advice, I know my own limitations. I don't know much about cars either and trust my mechanic to fix it for me (since it runs so I'm happy). I know this sudden, but it's a new home or dispose of the ferrets. I didn't get my ferrets to throw them away when life got hard. I got a mortgage loan, I just need the house. I got my realtor friend, my Mom, my sister, and brother-in-law looking at the next possible house. I'm sure if they have concerns, they will be voiced. My heart is breaking giving my furbabies to someone else cause we will be separated. I can visit and will get them back, but it still hurts. I just don't need extra stress of fighting with my whole fam...

Since it has been a week since I dropped off my notice asking for patience to close on a house. Get a call today from landlord giving me 7 days to find ferrets a new home or face a 7 day eviction notice on my door. Contacted a kennel facility who will take in my ferrets for $50 a day, so $3000 for 2 months. I have a realtor friend and former work friend living 30 miles away contacting places to help me find home my ferrets are allowed to live in. Praying hard tonight they succeed. Please heavenly father let me find a new home. PS. Former work friend talked to her friend at a shelter that has a program for people in crisis in need of shelter for their pets with intention of animals being returned. So the ferrets will be in foster care until I find a new home for us. I hope it will be soon.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers, stepmothers, adoptive mothers, foster mothers, pet mothers, mother figures, and single fathers playing the part of mother. Granted I never gave birth to any children, but why should I sit here feeling sorry for myself. My pets' Mother's Day gift was waking me up at 6:30 AM for a cuddle. Nothing like the feeling of fur against your skin. I'll take it. Gave my Mom a lawn chair for her present. She is always borrowing mine or my sister's chair when we go places so she now can stop doing that. Had a buffet lunch at Bonaza with my two sisters, our mother, 2 brother-in-laws, my aunt, my niece, and nephew. Niece and nephew were tortured with talking to their relatives instead of playing on their Kindles. Such as life. Now working on laundry. Had a good day talking to everybody.

If anyone wants to be my hero, here's your chance. Need a new home or at least a new home for my ferrets and only 2 people lift a finger to help me. My realtor friend showed me and my Mom who is supplying half the down payment 2 houses today. Didn't really like either one, pet safety issues and narrow driveways. Never realized so many houses don't have dishwashers or showers. Realtor friend is having trouble finding a house in my price range with fencing to keep furbabies safe. I need a fence in case my cats or ferrets escape out the door, they could get hit by a car if nothing is there to stop them. Better luck next viewing.

Got a new red female Beta fish I named Nyx. Realtor friend is still looking for a new home us. At least I got someone who cares on my side. Most people only want happy news, so naturally I don't look for comfort from them and expect them to keep their distance when I'm stressed. Some days I can't be actor for them. I know it's my fault for animals so much. Squirrels outside will eventually stop receiving peanuts. Praying for a miracle. Wish me luck.

RIP Rhea. My new red female Beta died suddenly. She wasn't even full grown yet, more like a teenager. Hope this is not a bad omen.

Realtor friend is helping me find a new home for us. Her lender approved a loan so just need a home to move into. Explained I don't have to live in the same big city I work in, plus I grew up in a small town so I can move into a small town if the price is right. I'm flexible. I just want to keep my furbabies together. I didn't get them to throw them away when life gets hard. With my loan secured, I breathe a sigh of relief cause I have hope.

It finally has happened...Four years in the making. My new baby Boromir escaped out the door and neighbor called the apartment manager. Now I must choose between finding a new home for the ferrets and finding a new home for all of us (2 cats, 3 ferrets, and 4 Beta fish). I am praying for a miracle, though with my luck miracles don't happen. Not to me anyway. I need a hero so badly. SOS.

My cat Frodo celebrated his 11th Birthday today. The old man spent half his day on my lap and the other half in the quiet guest bed (one of his favorite spots). Got him a cake and the new ferret Boromir got his first taste of frosting. He didn't like it very much. Eowyn the ferret licked the frosting like crazy (she loves it). Then the furbabies got a can of tuna (cats and ferrets like tuna). Had to chase Frodo down to get a photo cause animals hate The Flash. All in all, had a good day.

Knock, knock, knock. I wonder who that could be. Are you missing a white ferret? There's one under my sink. Oh my goodness, I didn't realize one of ferrets got out. Boromir! What are doing under the neighbor's sink? I'm so sorry ma'am. Neighbor wondered how my furbaby got under her sink. Took Boromir home with a scolding. He was a hungry baby. Then when it hit me how close I was to loosing Boromir after 6 days (and lost my baby ferret Beren after 1 day), my asthma started acting up and I burst into tears. I'm still shaken up by it. I was paranoid all week constantly looking for furbabies to make sure no furbaby got out. This morning Luthien and Boromir were at the door when I left for work. I swished them inside with my foot and I don't know how I missed Boromir escaping into the hallway. Thank goodness for a good neighbor. The shelter down the street hates me because each ferret I have gotten eventually escapes (Luthien is the exemption so far) making me ...

Got a new boy ferret again. Hopefully this one will stay away from the front door. He is named Boromir and is a DEW ferret (dark-eyed white)which can mean deafness. He hasn't made a sound except for a sneeze so he might be deaf. I have a deaf uncle so not a big issue for me. I just can't call him and expect him to answer. Vibrations and hand movements will be our communication, plus reacting to the other hearing ferrets I have once they start napping together. One step at a time.

Spent my Easter Sunday in my Mom's apartment with brother's and sister's families. Brother showed photos of their vacation during spring break. Sister's kids enjoyed playing hide and seek in the hallways. Found a Bunny cake the grocery store the kids love and fought for the tushy piece with whipped frosting fluffy tail. They smeared the bunny tail on two piece of cake so they could share it. They are getting better solving their own arguments. Brought Star Wars macaroni and cheese since almost everyone loves the series in my family, wasn't much left when took home the leftovers. Well, nothing else to report.

Taking my Mom to the ballet today. Didn't really want to go by myself and she likes those sort of things.

Had a wild dream driving down the freeway that made me nervous to drive my car. I start to sweat and shake gripping the steering in hands. It's a dream I've first had 17 years ago and reoccurs once in a while, usually when driving at high speeds. The Dream: I'm driving down a gravel road in a car I don't recognize (black with gray interior). I just dropped off a couple girls excited about their bedroom walls being painted in a new home. The love of my life tells me he doesn't want to be married to me anymore because he is tired of dealing with my mother. I leave in tears and take off in my car. I'm punching the passenger seat and slamming my hand against the steering wheel furious at him. Then a rabbit races across the road and I jump in startlement to jerk the wheel. I skid around terrified and aim for a tree to stop the car thinking the air bag will save me. I pray "Please God let me see my kids again." to smash into the tree. Everything goes bla...

Weatherman said it would reach 75 today. So naturally had to shave my winter coat off hiding under my jeans. Quite invigorating sitting on my bed covered in lotion with silky smooth skin with the window open and all this cool air blowing in. Capri jeans were a little tight when I finally got them on. If I had a man around he would have gotten some, but alas, no man wants any from me. Or at least a man who intends to stick around after touching my silky smooth skin. Ok, I'm done grossing people out now. Have a great weekend.

Lost another female Beta. My beautiful blue girl came as a tiny baby and was growing into a lady the males were starting to notice. She will be missed.

Had the most horrible migraine this weekend to the point I was lying on my couch for most of it. Waited until today to do laundry cause I just couldn't go out into the rain to do it. This time my dream was me breast feeding a baby wearing fuzzy blue footie pajamas so I assume it's a boy while sitting in a living room. A teenage boy who is beginning to get acne so about 13-14 enters the house to thump his things down so I assume coming home from school. I cover up. He sits in a chair across from me. He wants to hold his baby brother when I'm done. Later a taller teenage boy comes home and relaxes in a recliner to change the channel on the TV while the other boy is holding the baby. I ask the older boy if he wants a turn before I put the baby in the bassinet. His face says yes, but then he withdraws to say no. I tell him it's okay to like me and his baby brother. It may feel like an act of betrayal to like your new stepmother and the baby from her, but I won't tell...

RIP Hera. My baby girl fish I got a few months ago died today. I saw her swim to her food this morning and then this evening cleaning fish tanks, she was gone. She loved looking at the male fish. She was the length of a fingernail. I don't know who thinks I'm not in enough pain, but my heart is filled with it. Nearly lost my male baby fish when trying to net him to clean his tank. He jumped out of the tank to flop around on the table. I got him scooped up and he swims normally so hopefully nothing broke from the fall.

One Art By Elizabeth Bishop The art of losing isn’t hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. The art of losing isn’t hard to master. Then practice losing farther, losing faster: places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel. None of these will bring disaster. I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or next-to-last, of three loved houses went. The art of losing isn’t hard to master. I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster. —Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident the art of losing’s not too hard to master though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

I got my new baby ferret I named Beren a week ago. Per usual he hid under the furniture with the other ferrets. Then, I couldn't smell him around anymore. Thought maybe he was absorbing the older ferrets' scent. Then getting worried from not seeing him, I looked everywhere twice. I got out the vacuum out cause animals hate it so thought I could drive him out of hiding. Finally, broke down and put up a Missing Poster for him last night. And trauma getting it printed and need to toss this printer out. I read my social media after work to see the shelter down the street's entry pop up of a baby ferret that was available and quickly adopted. I wonder if that was my missing baby ferret. Naturally, the new owners probably wouldn't give up an animal they just adopted today so I have to assume my baby ferret I lost is gone forever from my home. I hope they take good care of him. He is a sweet baby and will be loved and missed. Go ahead and yell at me for losing a pet saying i...

Nice. Manager asks if anyone has news in our morning huddle/meeting. I mention I got a new ferret. Everybody rolls their eyes. Ok, they got all excited about a coworker's puppy to decorate their cubicle and my ferret gets eye rolls. I bet nobody decorates my cubicle. Manager asked the name. When explained the name came from Lord of the Rings, I got more eye rolls. Sorry I didn't name my ferret after Trump's kid even though the names sound alike. My VITA pals did me the courtesy of looking at my social media page of my new baby ferret and acted interested in this "cute" baby animal. Can't please everyone.

I wouldn't mind these wacky dreams so much if my head didn't hurt so much when I have them. It feels like a knife is in the center of my brain, like a migraine without the vision disturbances. This dream starts as a fight in a living room full of children. I hurl an object at my husband and he says he is leaving before this gets worse. He walks out the door and kids are crying to yell at me for making Daddy leave. I burst in tears and go to the kitchen to prepare a snack for the kids. I try to distract the kids with watching TV. I then go the Master bedroom and cry on the bed angry with myself for having a hot temper with certain subjects. I hear footsteps and tiny fingers touch my hair. I look up and a little boy is staring at me. I tell Nicky I was sorry to hug him and tell him not to worry about Daddy, he's at the bar and will come home later in the night. I pull myself together and pick up the snack plates and cups of milk around the living room to put them in the kit...

Stopped by the pet store for chew sticks and a new baby boy Beta fish since Cronus to find another ferret. I am ready to love again. There was several ferrets to choose from and I picked the one that spoke to me. It is a boy I named Beren from Lord of the Rings. Thought long and hard about the new boy fish name, Helios from Greek Mythology. My lady ferrets were happy to meet Beren and act like mother hens to him. He roamed around and met the vicious cats. Finally he took a nap under the TV stand. I saw him poop so waiting to see him eat so I can be assured he feels at home.

RIP Cronus. My silver white male Beta with red fins died this morning. He never would let me take his picture. He loved to hide in the plastic plant and watch the ladies. I got him already grown last year. He got The Bloat last week. Tried every cure on the internet, but can't cure dropsy. In the catnip plant now. Plan on getting another fish this weekend.

Lying in bed drifting off to sleep and I have a vision of a white dog with a beige right ear licking my face. It reminds me of my aunt's Bolognese dogs, but fur more silky straight than curly so appears more like a Maltese dog. I had a similar dream living in my old apartment, only in that dream I was in a living room and I was petting the dog. Who knows what all these weird dreams? Friends think they could be premonitions of future events. Yeah, they tend not to actually occur so I don't think they are premonitions. I try writing them down to get them out of my head. That doesn't work. Oh well, guess I'll just enjoy the dreams since they are the only hope of a better future I have.

Today I went to work and when came home, I stopped at McD's for a Shamrock Shake. They were out. If it wasn't for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. Should have gone out for lunch, but try to keep my break short so I can leave early. Almost everybody in my office leaves early, especially on Friday. Missed the parade, but been to two of them so I'm good. 1st parade I was in it with my coworkers and I held the banner advertising the company. 2nd time I took my niece and nephew to it. They were disappointed they got beads instead of candy (I did warn them they don't pass out much candy). But hey, they walked away with 10 bead necklaces so mission accomplished. I'm good.

Had another wacky dream watching a movie tonight. This one caused a migraine. I'm so woozy I need to lie down. Anyway, the brief dream was receiving a bouquet of flowers at my job. The card reads "Call me and phone #". My vision is blurry so don't ask for the #. Then a larger card holds a photo of a woman in a wedding dress (Again vision is blurry so all I can make out is dark hair and a long sleeved wedding gown). Back says "Remember this?". My coworkers demand I get to the bottom of secret admirer. Call # and react as if I heard from a ghost. Secret admirer probably is one.

Got some last night and still here today. Have happy ferrets ready to rumble and tumble in it.

Got the okay from all parties involved to go on vacation this summer. I haven't been on vacation since 2004. I planned on going to Australia in 2008, then the Great Recession happened, next lost my job, and now finally getting back on my feet again. Since traveling alone is so boring, Mom said she would love to come with me to visit my faraway aunts (Dad's sisters) in OK and MO. Aunts are excited to see us since we haven't seen each other in years. Sister said she would watch my pets for me, her kids love playing with my animals. Now gotta pick a date.

Had my wedding dream again while working and got a splitting headache for it. I'm dancing in a halter top wedding dress this time (I have had another wedding dream where I wear long sleeves). I'm slow dancing with a handsome groom in a large room surrounded by tables. Music changes and we fast dance. I see 20ish and teenage guys wearing tuxedoes I don't recognize except for my nephew. I see 20ish and teenage bridesmaids in satin red dresses. I don't recognize some of the bridesmaids except for my nieces. Groom's side must have a large family, there's about 8 bridesmaids and groomsmen, plus ushers in tuxedoes. I hold a baby boy about crawling age in a tuxedo and smile for the photographer who is a woman I know from a past job. We line up to learn the hustle from the DJ. I take turns dancing with my new stepsons who are in tuxedoes while the groom dances with the bridesmaids. Since my father is gone we altered the bride and father dance a bit. My youngest niece ...

You know you are pathetic when your chiropractor's receptionist tells you that they will pray for you when discussing your lack of human companion. I've been praying for over 20 years and yet to meet Mr. Wonderful. But, said thank you anyway. Few men want a dork who loves Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. Past Men Autopsy: There was the coworker who asked me out after I was staring at him for weeks who failed to show up for our date because he was pulled over by a cop and arrested for drugs. Then he was fired when he was caught stealing from the cash register so never saw him again. He was cute. There was the coworker who told me after arriving for our date to never look pretty again (I had a dress and make up on). He had some baggage from his 2 ex-wives. He smoked and I have asthma so that wasn't going to work out. After a couple dates, he stopped talking to me. There was the blind date with a smoker who wouldn't tell me anything about himself, but expected me to...

Coworker is getting a girl bull dog puppy this weekend. So while coworker was at lunch, another coworker decorated their cubicle with "It's a Girl" stuff. When they came back everybody started laughing. People walking by congratulated the coworker for their new addition.

As I lie down in my bed drifting off to sleep I envision a spirit of a wolf in front of me. It begins to snarl and snap at me with its jaws. Finally it lunges in for the killer neck bite with its paws wrapping around my shoulders to hold me down. I know how the deer feels at this moment. Then the vision changes to me sitting in the back of a movie theater with a man having his arms wrapped around my shoulders and kissing my neck. Wish I could see his face but no, I just feel him. Then a cat jumps on the bed and paws my face. I'm back in my room again.

Having one heck of a winter. Rain in the morning, snow in the afternoon. Then predicted to be in 50's tomorrow so snow will be gone soon. Happy Ferrets have to enjoy the snow while they can. Ferrets love playing in the snow. They dig around and walk around with noses to the ground so they look like a snow plow. Last snowfall one ferret leaped in the air with joy and got one photo with all 4 paws off the ground. Cats hate wet paws so no enjoyment for them. Such as life.

Oh, my love My darling I hunger for your touch a long lonely time And time goes by so slowly And time can do so much Are you still mine? I need your love I need your love Godspeed your love to me .......................... Lonely rivers flow to the sea to the sea To the open arms to the sea Lonely rivers sigh wait for me, wait for me I'll be coming home Wait for me ..................... Oh my love My darling I hunger for your touch a long lonely time And time goes by so slowly And time can do so much Are you still mine? I need your love I need your love Godspeed your love to me

Funny. Just had a vison of angel fluttering its wings in front of me in my living room and in the company of a boy telling me he is coming and to wait for Daddy. Yeah, whatever. Been dreaming of giving birth since last July and have yet to meet a man to take me on date. Just another stupid dream that won't come true as usual. Please God make these dreams stop. I'm getting tired of them. I thought writing them down would make them stop, but alas, they don't stop. I'm a loss what to do. Angels in my dreams tell me to have faith and do not despair. But, that it is very hard to have faith and not despair when almost everybody abandons me whenever I simply need a friend who cares about me. I'm sure almost everybody only wants good news and hear fascinating stories of my adventures in life, then wonder why I'm silent. Ok, I'm done ranting. Good night.

Had a beautiful dream today. I stood at an alter in a long sleeved wedding dress and handsome blond man in a tuxedo stood beside me. It was time for our wedding vows. I said: I once met a new kid at the end of 5th grade and all girls cried, "He's so cute". You were always more than a cute face to me. You were my best friend. You stood up for me. You sat next to me when no one else would. You taught me to be strong and stand up for myself. It's your own fault I fell in love you in the 6th grade and never stopped. How can I not love you when you are so sweet to me? I know why I stand here today, because I am the one girl who asks, "What do you want?" instead of thinking only of myself. I'm the one girl who has seen your bad side, your good side, and everything in between. And I'm still here ready to commit myself to spend the rest of my life with you. Many jealous girls have told me you don't really have feelings for me. I remember you once to...

Happy Valentine's Day everybody. Hope you are having a good one. Spent of my day at work. I have a cold so didn't smell anyone's flowers. I saw someone had roses on their desk. Came home to the furbabies and gave extra treats plus salmon water from the can to make myself some salmon patties. My Mom called to say Thank you for the heart shaped hamburger pizza and chocolate brownies I had delivered from Pizza Hut. When I told her a delivery was coming to make sure she would be there, she thought I was bringing it. Sorry, my lunch break is not that long. She said today she dressed in red with her choir wearing paper roses to sing to the Memory Care part of her Senior Living Residence. So now I sit on my sofa with 2 cats on my lap. Life is good, I have cheese popcorn. My cats like to lick the cheese off my fingers. Ferrets crawled up to see what that cheesy smell was about. One ferret likes powdered cheese and the other likes cheese sauce. But ferrets jumped down viewing th...

Looked into the sky to see the lunar eclipse. Not much of an eclipse, it was grayish. Couldn't see the moon rise with buildings and trees in the way. Couldn't see any stars cause of the city lights. The only ones I see are straight above me. Wished I lived in the country or even a small town so I could see the stars. And have a telescope to see the green comet the naked eye can't see. Have to wait for my Mom to die in 10-20 years before I have money to buy a house away from the city. By then, I will be counting the days until retirement. Oh well, that's how the cookie crumbles. My dream home would have a large kitchen with an island, Master bedroom with a walk in closet, and a porch or deck to hostess family gatherings on. Naturally it needs a spare bedroom so faraway family could visit a few days.

We a few inches of snow just deep enough for the ferrets to swim in it. My older ferret was so happy she was leaping in excitement. My baby ferret turning 1 year old next month experienced her first real snowfall that was more than an inch that melted hours later. I have happy ferrets here,until the snow melts.

My brain is working overtime giving me wacky dreams. Had a first date dream. Meet a man at McDonald's and given roses. He seems happy to meet me. He has read some of my web journal and enjoyed my wedding and giving birth dreams. Maybe they will happen. Yeah, we'll see. Then another man comes to sit down with us looking 20ish. This is his son. Awkward. More awkward is looking at old photos of his life and I'm in a few of them. After we finish our meal, my date and I go to the movies. To complete this dream, we go to a hotel room with 2 beds. 2nd bed is for the 20ish son. My date hypnotizes me swinging a necklace above me as I am lying on a bed. He tries hard to get me to remember something and I wake up when claps his hands. I'm all woozy so cuddle on the bed watching TV. The 20ish son comes to the room with his brothers and sisters so eager to meet me. The kids leave after a while and my date gets his dry hump I promised him (After a week of phone calls, I still was...

My VITA location opened for the first day and we had a huge line that we had to turn people away. Yeah, well, it's not like everybody's refund will be received the next day so still plenty of time to file your return. My professor gave me people with a million questions so they could concentrate on the other tax preparers who were enduring their first rodeo (this is my rodeo #4). Totally exhausted by the end of the night. Busy at work doing menial and mundane data entry tasks to help out another section. We did so well last month that we ran out of work to do. Let's just say these tasks are so easy my brain is falling asleep. Anyway, Happy Groundhog Day.

Manager is determined we surpass our monthly goal that we got required Overtime this week and encouraged to come in Saturday. Then, came a warning of being held hostage on Tuesday until we reach our monthly goal. Well, today we ran out of work to do so I asked permission to be short 15 minutes on my required Overtime and was also told to forget Saturday work. And the piece of resistance, we will be helping another team get their numbers up next week cause we are so far ahead on our work. Such as life. Enjoying my day off at home. Been avoiding watching action movies that have a character dying since my ferret Faramir died. I'm still a little sensitive (Why did you have to go Faramir?). So been watching romantic comedies with happy endings (aka chick flicks). Cleaning up cat vomit and ferret poop around the apartment. Preparing Valentine cards for friends and family. Some people only send Christmas cards (if that) while I send Valentine, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Chris...

I don't know if my hormones are out of whack, but had another giving birth dream. Or rather, a several dreams fitting together in a series of events. Now if these dreams would come when I'm asleep instead of when I'm working would be great. They give me a splitting headaches. It begins in a shower. I'm so excited to see my baby at the doctor's office ultrasound the next day. Daydreaming what my baby will look like when he or she gets born, I feel a sharp pain in my stomach. Blood gushes out and a tiny boy comes out. I wrap him in my washcloth and call the doctor thinking I had a miscarriage. But, the arms keep moving so unsure if alive or dead. I put on some clothes and wait for the ambulance coming for me that the doctor said they would send. Call my boyfriend and pass out on the floor. Paramedics arrive and put me on the stretcher, hang up the phone telling the boyfriend where they are taking me, and I hear "This baby is alive". Next, my baby boy nam...

In my posting after the election I labeled "Conundrum", I dreamed of the new president being killed by a man in black. According to the news, no such event occurred. So was just a dream that was a warning instead of a premonition. That's okay, I had a vision at work of my ferret dying while he was at the vet's office, but he didn't die until the next day. Recently had a dream of a new boyfriend, but man in question has blocked me on social media so fat chance of that happening. I am the master of wacky dreams, just the other night I dreamed going to a basketball game with a newborn baby boy and all the high school girls I once knew wanted to hold him. I believe in the dream we were all teenagers. A old boyfriend's mother held him too calling herself grandma. I never had a kid so chalk it up to just another wacky dream of mine. I spent my time after work reading birthday greetings to my dead ferret. If he had recovered from his infection, he would be 4 t...

I'm so excited. Got a ticket to see the Def Leppard/Poison/Tesla concert. Nobody wanted to go with me so got my own ticket. I've seen Def Leppard twice and Tesla once before, but haven't seen Poison yet. I hope they play my favorite song, it was a #1 hit so I'm sure they will. Every Rose Has Its Thorn. It will be a present for myself.

If you think one person cannot make a difference, then read this list. Harry Houdini: Invented the escape artist act and put down the popular Spiritualist movement of connecting to spirits with séances when he revealed many famous psychics as frauds. Johannes Gutenberg: Inventor of the Printing Press by watching olive pressers squeezing out juice. George Washington Carver: Agricultural College Professor who encouraged cotton farmers to plant peanuts to replenish the nutrients in the soil that cotton drained called "crop rotation". Clara Barton: Founder of the American Red Cross that aids in every natural disaster from tornadoes to earthquakes. George Washington: General Washington led the Americans to defeat the British in the Revolutionary War. As such, many in the military wanted to overthrow the new government under the Articles of Confederation and have General Washington crown himself King or Emperor of America. He destroyed the military coup in one speech and America ...

RIP Artemis. Lost another fish the male fish loved to stare at. Have to get another female to entertain them. Catnip pots outside were frozen solid so heated the dirt in the microwave to get the fish buried in it while singing Amazing Grace. Go ahead and say it, I'm weird. I'm used to it.

Celebrated our extended family Christmas with Mom's sisters and cousins. Gave great-niece her Christmas present and my nieces and nephew got presents from faraway brother and sister. Lots of food to eat. Everybody loved my toffee. I told them it is so perfect because I used a candy thermometer. Received condolences from everyone for my furbaby Faramir. Good to know they are polite enough for that (nobody really likes my ferrets and some can't stand animals at all). Funny how some people grew up on a farm and despise animals, strange but true. My Dad was said to have a dog as a kid who was his buddy and went on long walks together. Must have gotten his animal lover gene. One of Mom's cousins mentioned she is reading my new story I mentioned in my Christmas letter. She likes what she has read so far. I don't exactly write thrillers like Stephen King or John Grisham, they are more like Viking sagas of events without much of villain, so most people don't like them. Mo...

RIP Faramir. Took him to the vet to be put down. I could not stand another night of him scream every 30 minutes. I didn't get much sleep last night. Right before our appointment, he threw up some blood that came out of his mouth and nose as I wrapped him up in a towel. I heard him scream in the car and when I got to the vet, he passed away already. Either in the car listening to Bon Jovi's Livin on a Prayer on the radio or in my arms taking him in. I had his face covered from the cold so hard to tell which. Vet said he just died moments and still flexible enough to curl him in a ball for burial (ferrets curl in a ball when sleeping). He is at peace now. Eowyn started shaking when I allowed the animals to see him in the box. Later heard whimpering under the sofa, I believe she gets it. Luthien not so much. She kept sniffing him as I prepared him for the dirt. Eventually she will get it Faramir is gone. I wrapped him in a red kitchen towel, spread red carnation petals over him,...

Brought Faramir home to die. Vet said his kidneys are failing and fluid filling his lungs. Eowyn and Luthien gave him a good sniff over. I'm holding him as he struggles to breathe and play music so he knows he is home with his family. Vet said he will dead by morning. Jan 20 would be his 4th birthday. I want to bury him in a flower plant from the grocery store. I bury fish in catnip plants.

Faramir update: He has infection in his bladder and kidneys, possible prostate inflammation (they will do an ultrasound to check for cysts). He is on antibiotics and will spend another night at the vet's office. Told vet I wanted him cured and bring him home (referring increasing costs). I don't want to have spent $585 already to bring home a dead ferret. Vet says he is curable at present moment. I asked to see him so he knows he is not abandoned. I scratched his cheeks and his breathing suddenly got faster. Very sick little man. Then he fell asleep so I left him. He still is not eating so brought over some food and chew sticks. He can be a picky eater. Prayers are welcome. I can handle the fact that someday I will be putting down all my animals, but I pray Faramir will make it to his 4th birthday so we can celebrate it.

Hi there. I spent my New Year's Eve with a lethargic ferret scared he was going to die in my arms. Skin was all purple, not eating or drinking, and trying to poop to have nothing come out to then collapse. New Year's Day he was more alert and drinking water so I was happy. Come Monday, he was still struggling to go so off to the vet we went. Vet said he severely dehydrated and x-ray revealed he has bladder stones and a swelled bladder. Vet thought he was struggling to pee, not poop. So vet will keep him overnight to empty his bladder the hard way, with a catheter. Then get some fluids into him. Vet said he looked very sick and wondered if he had an infection too. Hopefully will get to pick up my baby tomorrow after work.