The Adventures of Being Me

What do you call a chicken running down the street? Lunch. What is black and white, black and white, and green? Penguin rolling down a hill. Happy Halloween Everybody.

Lovely Saturday. Had controversary over phony coupons. One said not accept them and another said accept them to make angry customers happy. What is the point of rules, if we break them all hoping customers put Highly Satisfied on their surveys? Why don't someone put a sign on the front door that says "Rob Us", cause that is exactly what these phony coupon makers are doing. And I bet they don't do surveys and put in Highly Satisfied at our customer service. Sorry, had to get that out of my system.

Our excitement at work today was a small boy carrying a dart gun set, the box was about the size of the boy. He follows his mama around struggling to carry this box begging to have it. But, in the end, mama said no. Boy pounds his fists on the box screaming and crying. Mama still says no. We put it back. I once had a mom buy a gun set (can't recall water balloons, water, or darts) and I said to the 10ish boy, Don't point that at your mom. Boy was confused, What would happen if he did. Lady says to try it and find out. Mom says he will be deep trouble. Had a odd customer that cried she has a 15% coupon, but doesn't show it to me. It's automatic for all associates, she says (in which store?). So scan her candle and bend over to get a sack. She brashly informs me I forgot her coupon. Sorry ma'am (Am I not allowed to get a sack before giving a total?). So as she counts her change I give the usual, I'll gladly take change and it will get used. After I give her ...

Aunt from Omaha comes to visits and has to spend time with me. She stays at my Mom's place. Mom is crippled and doesn't travel well. Aunt is stir crazy bored out of her mind. They visited the other relatives and Mom complained she wore her out. Aunt has to have activity, but poor crippled Mom prefers to stay put. If you had the flu or broken leg, you wouldn't want to walk all over the city either. So for our outing Aunt insists upon. I offer to drive her to the local historic houses she hasn't seen before. Look them up on the internet.   Historic houses closed on Mondays so took aunt to Botanical Center (giant greenhouse and outside gardens) and she complains about all the green stuff (trees and cacti). She wants flowers. We did find some colorful flowers.   Then we passed a Chinese Garden down the road (so stopped) to hear aunt comment how weird it was to set in the middle of Des Moines. We do have many Asians here. She thought the pagoda house was weird too asking wh...

Trying to go to sleep when this pops in my head. At 1 AM, I get out of bed to write it down. There was once a girl from Memphis, streetwise and razor sharp, you think her every smile is meant for you. Your heart bleeds, your soul cries, cause she is no longer there. She's singing around the world, breaking hearts at every stride. She is my love, my essence, my reason for being the man I admire and keep her in my heart. Is this an old song I've forgotten or did my sleepy brain just compose it? PS.  Brain continued after I went back to bed with this: Oh sweet girl from Memphis how you break my heart in two, repeat line. Every time I hear your voice on the radio. I'm left all alone with the memories of our love wrapped around my heart like a blanket around my soul. How I miss you so. I shall die tonight, looking upon your face, from the audience. I'll scream, I'll shout, Everybody knows your name. My sweet girl from Memphis, repeat line. Then I finall...

I voted on the People Choice Awards. Most of the movies, TV shows, and songs/videos I never seen or even heard of so I just pick anything familiar. Gotta pick your favorites, right? Power to the people.

I get a post from a friend on a social networking site about a girl painting sheets with her mother's lipstick and the mother beats her to death. The girl wrote, I love you Mommy on the shet. There was even a photo of the dead girl covered in bruises and scratches. So of course I google and search the intenet where and when this story occured. I like facts.I find a story of girl attacked from the new family dog in UK in 2002. Girl in photo looks very much like the one painting sheets with lipstick. http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article145234.eceGirl savaged by new dog www.thesun.co.ukGIRL of two mauled by dog three days after her family gave it a home.. It is a complete lie. Shame on people who make this stuff up. It's called tabloid journalism.

Did laundry today and the great Cat-Houdini (aka Precious) snuck out the door. He refused the harness, but in the hallway it is going on like it or not. He didn't like being trapped in the laundry room. He also didn't like the windy weather either so we stayed out 20 minutes. Worked on my story a little. Why is coming up with ideas and plotlines so hard this time? I have 2 finished novels and 3 unfinished stories. I should be filled to the brim with ideas. Ugh. Better brush up on my mythology and fairytales. My pathetic life gives me no inspiration.

I know I annoy people for having a passion for helping animals in shelters. I hear from friends how they or friend of theirs get pets from neighbors, friends of friends, or from a breeder when at the same time they are costing an animal inside a shelter their life. Yes, my first kitten Precious was from a friend who was eager to get rid of her kittens. She selected me before the cat even got pregnant b/c for years I wanted a cat like my sister, but didn't think I could afford it. Then Precious was dropped on my lap. My cat Frodo came from a shelter as I refused to have a kitten forced on me again. But my passion is not shared by others who like living in their little world of house, spouse, kids, pets, and friends to ignore the world around them. I know it is my fault for caring too much. I have no house, no spouse, no kids, nor any friends to occupy my time so my pets and my novels become my hobby. My cats are so lucky to be someone who adores them, takes care of them, and ...

Have 3 days off in a row. What will I do? Agenda: Carve pumpkins, but first need newspaper and buy groceries while I'm at it. Work on novel, I have ideas floating in my head, but need to put in time order and write it down. Check want ads for any full time positions (very rare anymore). Watch Halloween specials. Got Garfield and Legend of Sleepy Hollow done. Have Hocus Pocus and Charlie Bown left. Can't think of anything else.

Went to my cousin's daughter's wedding reception tonight. Was good to see faraway family in person again. Mostly keep in touch through the internet. At least I recognized them, when my internet-challenged Mom and sister couldn't recognize our cousins' kids very well. My Mom can't remember any of my cousins' kids names. I think the last time was saw each other was my Dad's funeral a few years ago. Weddings and funerals is when we get together now.

Made customer mad when I did a store credit card application for the person ahead of her. I should have warned my clients I was going to take a long time. Yeah, and she could have moved to any 3 cash registers ready to help her at any moment she got tired of waiting too. I think people just want to complain instead of solving a problem. Had another customer debate a wrong price, but didn't know what the correct price was (just thought it was lower than scanned). So he goes to check the price. If the scanned price is wrong, I will alter it, no problem (If we did our own price changes I bet there would be less of this problem). Meanwhile, another person wants to check out and prior customer returns while I'm helping that person. So he waits patiently for me to finish and I give him an extra discount for his patience (I do that when customers move carts out of the way so I don't have to also). I told him: It's pays off to be patient, I'm much nicer. He agreed. PS....

I am ringing up a customer when a lady interrupted asking if our store manager was here. Haven't seen here so call a manager to ask, thinking lady is possibly a friend. No, she is on vacation right now. Lady explodes into "How can we not have a manager in this entire store!". Um, that's not what I said, but I can get a manager here since I am speaking to one on the phone (just not the top dog). Then lady decides she wants the shoes manager instead. I'm not sure who that is, but I say nothing. So lady disappears ( I hate it when people do that after screaming in my face demanding a manager, but many do that when their tantrum has ended). Manager shows up and asks customer I'm helping if she needed help. Nope, the lady is behind me (ok not disappeared, just out of my view). Well, I helped 4 customers so didn't catch what the problem was. I caught the manager saying "I understand your frustration" and "Yes, that does tend to happen".  Th...

A RESCUE GROUP'S ANSWERING MACHINE Press 1 if you have a 10-year-old dog and your 15-year-old son has suddenly become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home right away. Press 2 if you are moving today and need to immediately place your 150 pound, 8-year-old dog. Press 3 if you have three dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and dogs at the same time. Press 4 if you just got a brand new puppy and your old dog is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away. Press 5 if your little puppy has grown up and is no longer small and cute and you want to trade it in for a new model. Press 6 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home TODAY and pick up the dog you no longer want. Press 7 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the last three years, are moving and suddenly determine it's not your dog. Press 8 if y...

Precious is ready to tear apart the front door to take a walk outside, but he refuses the harness and now it's raining. Poor Precious. In addition to that, I singed my finger removing fish sticks from the oven. How's your day going?

Niece in college wrote a poem about an unknown jerk stealing her cookie. Ah, I passed my passion for writing down to next generation. Proud aunt here.

This is from a friend. Now I lay me down to sleep; I pray the Lord my soul to keep. if I die before I wake, will someone please get rid of my porn before my mom goes through my stuff...

Received a Halloween card from aunt with her usual disappointment we don't talk much. Sorry our lives are too boring and routine to have many stories to tell. She said she spoke to my Mom on the phone and disappointed my Mom didn't have more news about us. Let's see, we work, take kids to school, dance classes, playdates, homework, take pets for a walk, plant flowers in the backyard, ride bikes, take walks down the street, and worry what will we do if we loose our job. Not many stories in those things to tell my aunt, or even my Mom. Let's go over my stories I told this week to my coworkers. Nephew disassembled his toys with Daddy's tools (he got a child tool set for his birthday). Bret Michaels visited my cousin's daughter's wedding celebration taking place on top of a tour bus in Las Vegas (he saw they were having fun from his limo and decided to join the party). Got a catnip plant and started a cat fight when Frodo didn't want to share. That'...

Sorry for not posting for a while. Not much happens around here. Let's see, um. Had a tag switcher. Yes, in the addition to shoplifters who don't pay for their merchandise we have tag switchers who give themselves a huge discount. Definition of tag switcher: Person who removes a lower price tag off 1 item and places it on a higher price item, then complains the scanned price is not correct and demands the lower tag price they put on declaring they found it that way. Well, this person who pretends not to speak English, but understands everything I say, didn't complain until after I gave her change. Which means, I have t call a manager to give a refund. I explain to manager that all the customer's item prices are wrong (clue to spot a tag switcher) Manager refuses the refund explaining the tags are wrong and scanned prices are correct. Customer doesn't want the items now since she ain't getting them 99% off and leaves. Manager called whoever about catching a...