The Adventures of Being Me

I was the Easter bunny at work today. I passed out my homemade Easter cards and shared a tin of candy with frequent customers I recognized, janitors, and any car rental person who walked by. Then I was told it was the owner's brother birthday. I wonder how old he is. I think he is a year or two younger than me. I sent him a birthday email with the words to the Happy Unbirthday song from Alice in Wonderland, but changed to wish a Happy Birthday. I also wore my Easter socks today. It was a good day. Post later. Bye!

I finished with my spring cleaning today. I cleaned a set a window blinds and scrubbed the shower down with the new Mr. Clean cleaning wand, or whatever it's called. Now I have to wait for it to warm up so I can take down the plastic over my windows and clean them off. Then I sent 2 packages for Easter. One to my pen pal with a little girl and the other to my nieces. I sent my pen pal's girl a toy bunny. I gave my nieces some stuff from the Easter basket aisle; playing cards, ink pens that light up, and some disposable cameras cause they love taking pictures. I can spoil my nieces once in a while. I can't spoil them too much or else they start making list of demands when they know a jackpot is coming, like giving them chocolate bunnies one Easter to have them demand DVD players the next Easter. Last Easter I didn't get them anything so I hope they like this year's package. Post later. Bye!

The bitch never gives up. Today my Mom presents to me a newspaper clipping about a new field of study called Museum Studies at the University of Iowa. She explains to me that possibly they have a correspondence course I can take online and get another job, at a museum. Perhaps I should explain that since the day I graduated college 8 years ago my Mom has pushed me to go back to college and get the degree she wanted me to get, not the one I actually got. I would think after 8 years, she would realize I am not going back to college. Obviously not. I never realized how disappointed and ashamed of my car rental job she has been until now. I like my job and in no hurry to leave it. Godforbid I be allowed to do what I want. I am trying to write novels, but that is not working out very well as everyone else has hoped. People at work just can't understand why I hate my Mom so much. Let me try to explain by giving an example of Mom's idea of encouragement and support when I was depresse...

I visited my Mom today after my dentist appointment. I got my cousin's baby's name my Mom thought so weird. Joelle Clare. Mom thought it was a Lebanon name because her husband is from there. Actually, it's not. It's Hebrew meaning The Lord is willing. It is just the feminine version of the name Joel. Clare is French for the Latin name Clara. Mom thought Clare was a normal name. I got a baby name book a long time ago when I started writing stories so I would know what names mean. Then Mom had to go on saying my other cousin named her kids with odd names, like Melinda, Matthew, Jordyn, and Justin. The first two she thought normal, but the second two were so strange. Then she had to say they nicknamed Jordyn, Jody. Who in the world would call their kid Jody?, she asks. Um, Mom, I said, my manager's name is Jody. I thought maybe they call her Jordy, for Jordyn. Maybe that was it, she says. I tell her that's from Star Trek. Then the Justin name came up I had to expla...

I was telling the gal at the car rental next door about my cousin having her baby last week and made a comment on her coworker being pregnant. No anymore, she said. Poor gal lost her baby today so this gal filled in for her. Now I feel awful. I don't think I'll bring up my cousin's baby in our conversations next week. Post later. Bye!

I heard a while ago a coworker was getting a divorce, then his dad dies suddenly after coming home from the hospital. Guess the divorce is off. I heard this coworker bought his woman a new and expensive wedding ring, then bought her a Volkswagon convertible for her. Guess those are 2 good reasons to stay in a marriage. I wouldn't know, I've never been married. Post later. Bye!

Amazing. I read in a free independent newspaper declaring that the Iowa Senate Democrats actually have backbones when it came to a proposed vote for the state constitutional amendment to ban gay marriages by the Senate Republicans. The Senate Democrats walked out of the state government committee meeting last week. Disgusted at the audacity of these Democrats, the Republican leader cried to the press how "The people of Iowa deserve a vote" to enshrine discrimination in the state constitution. Though I would not get too excited over this walk out because it is already state law not to allow gay marriages, therefore an amendment would be pointless. And guess what, the Republican leader so concerned giving the people of Iowa a vote has also barred any debate on anti-bullying legislation that would protect (gasp) gay people from harassment in schools. We live in a free society and yet discrimination of people simply because we don't like them is acceptable and legal in this c...

I saw a brief on the news about lost luggage on the airlines. It reminded me of this lady asking for the nearest pharmacy open late at night because her medication was in her lost luggage. Of course I did not ask why she was so stupid to pack vital medication in her checked baggage. Those airline people handle at least 100 bags an hour, why would they deeply care about yours? Lesson on packing a suitcase: If you can not handle something being lost or stolen, Pack it in your carry on bag. And always pack a change of clothes in the carry on, you can sleep in your clothes one night if your luggage is delayed or lost. Pack things you can replace in your checked bag; like unused film, clothes, shoes, and anything sharp like scissors or nail clippers that could be confiscated. A tip on camera film that can get destroyed by certain x-ray machines; get a bag in a travel store that protects film from the x-rays. My brother bought one of those bags so I know they exist. Or you could buy a digita...

My poor cousin had a traumatic time giving birth to her baby girl. Her hips were not expanding enough to naturally push her out all the way and she was stuck too far out to push her back in to do a c-section. Mom said they sucked the baby girl out. She was all blue and paralyzed on one side upon birth. This was last week. This week the baby is fine and tests all give the green light to go home soon, if not already. My poor cousin needed lots of rest after her ordeal. My aunt and uncle went over to see the baby and my cousin. That's why we are not hearing this until now. The little girl was 5 lbs. 2 oz. Mom thinks they gave her an Arabic name she can't pronounce cause he is from Lebanon, Jo-something. Then again Mom couldn't figure out how to pronounce Daphne either. We who grew up with Scooby-Do can pronounce Daphne correctly. Daphne also comes from Greek mythology. So anyway, Congrats to the new parents. I have to go buy a card now. It snowed last night on our first day of...

I started my spring cleaning today. I got my Easter decorations last week so I already had dusted certain places, like the TV and coffee table. Today I Swiffered the kitchen and bathroom floors. I remembered once I got lazy in another apartment and 409 the kitchen floor. I totally confused my manager at the time what 409 the floor meant. I explained I sprayed 409 all purpose cleaner on the floor and wiped it with a paper towel. When you have a kitchen floor the size of a walk-in closet you can do that. My kitchen is too big to 409 it now. I Swiffer it. Next came the mirrors and 409ing the bathroom sink once the Swiffer on the linoleum dried. While I was there I wiped off the outside of the toilet. The window blinds were cleaned after taking out the garbage. My bedroom blinds I just dusted with Pledge grab it cloths, but my kitchen blinds were disgustingly filthy, even after dusting them off. The 409 came back out and with 4 paper towels I individually cleaned the kitchen blinds. They a...

I had a unique experience at work yesterday. My coworker offered products for his son's daycare fundraiser. Pardon me, but why is a daycare forcing parents to raise money for the center? Why doesn't the daycare simply charge more if they are so poorly funded? I didn't buy anything. I have to save my money for my kitty. Post later. Bye!

I was rushing to work and came down the stairs to meet a new neighbor also exiting the building. He stood aside and let me pass. Such a gentleman. I saw him get into a very nice I'd been admiring for the past week. I had a happy St. Patrick's Day. Today I watched a news station broadcst students volunteering during their Spring Break to clear debris from a town that had been wiped out by Hurricane Katrina. It made me wonder if anyone is ready for this year's hurricane season. I also saw a fundraiser for Katrina victims being pushed out of hotel rooms and facing mortage payments on homes that had been destroyed. I find it all strange. When the Floods of 1993 hit Iowa, the state's disaster fund (or wherever the money came from) bought homes in the worst hit areas so people could relocate elsewhere. The homes were inspected for anything salvagable, like light fixtures or windows, that could be sold before the house was bulldozed. The land was made into parks or wildlife re...

I leave work to find a hubcap sitting in the middle of the sidewalk with a Chevy logo and 1 lug nut in the holes. It looked brand-new without any scratches or wearing. I wonder why it was removed from a car. One of life's little mysteries. Even more interesting, a coworker showed us a new 10 dollar bill with red ink and water marks covering it. I asked if she made sure it was real before she made change with it. She held it up to the light and declared it real. I do have to ask the deal on the red ink. Everyone knows American money is printed in magnetic green ink, no wonder I thoguht it was fake. Another one of life's little mysteries. Post later. Bye!

My poor coworker. Her cat named Shady died this week. It acted normal all day, then late at night my coworker found it dead. So in their pajamas and coats, they buried the cat in the backyard. Her stepkids don't even know yet. Now my coworker startles her cats sleeping to make sure they are still alive. She has 3 living cats now. Post later. Bye!

Here is a plaque I saw in a catalog. Someone must have met my mother cause this describes her perfectly. Meanest Mother in the World I had the meanest mother in the world. While other kids had candy for breakfast, I had cereal, eggs, and toast. While other kids had cake and candy for lunch, I had a sandwich. As you can guess, my dinner was different from other kids' dinners. My mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. She had to know who our friends were and what we were doing. I am ashamed to admit it, but she actually had the nerve to break the child labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make the beds, and learn to cook. That woman must have stayed awake nights thinking up things for us kids to do. And she insisted we tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we became teenagers, she was much wiser and our lives became unbearable. None of this tooting the horn for us to come running. She embarassed us to no end by insistin...

The other day in the paper there was man who said he worked for a fast food place and asked why customers told him how to do his job, how would they like if he came to their job and told them how to do it. Sir, if you are going to work in the customer service business you will find many people who are holier than thou and think they own the business because they are frequent customers. You will find many who call your business's rules stupid and unfair. They will call you moron, idiot, stupid, retard, fag, and bitch when you say no to them. You will find many who think they are doing us a favor by spending their dollars at your business and demand you change the price because they don't like it. I actually had an irate guy say the car rental clerks get paid so little with no benefits is because we are so stupid, and he can wipe the floor with us because he earns so much more than us. He wanted to use someone else's credit card and everyone told him no. Nobody told you there...

I visited my parents house to get my oil changed. I thought of my Dad teaching me to do it myself, but he did it himself. He got a little oil on his head and my Mom explained that's why I can't change my own oil, I'll get dirty. Oh well. I was told my parents' car had a service that came on and refused to turn off, even though nothing is wrong with the car. I explained humidity and bad computer chips can make cars do that. I drove my Dad over to pick up their car. I told Mom about my coworker last weekend had a her car act funny on their way back from her stepson's wrestling meet. When they got the car back, her husband said it worse than when they gave it to the mechanics. A distributor cap was the problem. They also fix other things, like a crack in the muffler and paint chips on the bumpers, so they got a huge bill when they picked up the car. Why can't mechanics just fix the problem and leave it at that? I know the answer to that: They have to make money off...

A gal from the car rental next door bought some movies from a video rental store going out of business. The problem was the security devices attached to the movies was still present. My coworker and 2 other gals tried very hard to open the DVD cover without destroying the disc inside. My friend didn't know why they didn't remove the security devices from any of the movies she bought, she bought a sack full. Well, after ripping the cover to shreds trying to pry it open, she made her boyfriend take back the movies to the store and get the devices removed. From all the movies. Post later. Bye!

My coworker asked if I had my keys handy. Sure. He has trouble locking one of the drawers with his key. I lock the cupboard successfully. he tries again and can not unlock it. I tell him to try turning the key around. What?, he asks, What do you mean turn the key around. I motion with my hand turning a key upside down. Then he gets it and unlocks the cupboard. I can't believe somebody actually married this guy sometimes. Post later. Bye!

Is someone trying to tell me I'm fat? I'm skinny as a stick. Last night I received a magazine I am sure I didn't order from anyone. I glanced at it while working and never been so insulted. It is a weight loss magazine with ads for make-up, plastic surgery, organic foods, races for cancer, and exercise tips for losing the maximum weight. If this is a free sample, I'd like to say for the record: NOT EVERY WOMAN IN AMERICA THINKS SHE FAT. I didn't get past page 20. I crossed my name off the label with a dark permanent marker and left it in the office magazine pile. Post later. Bye!

I think I'm going crazy or someone cast a curse on me. First I go to work to find a coworker handing out Girl Cookies and tells me she will be bring my cookies tomorrow. Excuse me?, I didn't order any cookies from her daughter. She said I did, 1 box. My other coworker almost asked why only buy 1 box, then recalled I have niece. I still don't recall ordering any cookies. I ordered 4 boxes from my niece and was prepared to say to no to my coworker, but I never saw her or the order sheet. I wonder what kind was under my name. Then I do my close up duties as usual at work and start a 2nd movie thinking I have time to watch it before I leave. Next the guy next door runs his vaccuum and I realize I forgot the vaccuum and get it out to do later. I run outside to get mileage from a car and come back ready to watch the rest of my movie. I cancelled the last reservation when the guy says he doesn't need it anymore. I remind myself of the volunteer meeting tomorrow early in the mo...

We got new locks a couple of weeks ago and tonight I broke one. All I did was turn the key. I noticed another one was broken off. Are lcoks costing $200 suppose to last only 2 weeks? Post later. Bye!

I just heard on TV that 2 teens from my old high school made deadly threats to students and police were called. The police took a loaded handgun and arrested the teens. The school said they had a list of people they planned to target. More on this story at 5:00 news. And I'll be at work then. Bummer. Post later. Bye!

I fail to see the purpose of calling a 800 number to activate a credit card other than getting customers to listen to sales pitches. Do these credit card people not send enough crap with my statement to throw away? Do they not call my required given phone number to telemarket to my answering machine? Do they not send enough junk emails to delete? Once I heard my card was activated, I hung up during the automated sales pitch. Usually I get an operator I have to say No, No, No, No, Because I don't want it, No, No, No, and I just want my card activiated. Sometimes I hate credit cards. Post later. Bye!

Today we women were busy gossiping between customers. A guy coworker had to get in the conversation telling us about the jail sentences of his friends who used to work for us. I refrained from asking if any of his friends not in jail. On the agenda was a married woman at another counter boinking a cute blond car jockey at yet another company. My coworker made us look at the guy when he came inside. Then a coworker of mine informed someone that she has equal status of the manager and now we are required to bring our problem calls to her instead of the manager because the manager spends too much time at another location. My coworker asked me if the manager told me that, since we email each other often. No, not a word. I email the manager asking What's this?, of all the people to promote they picked her? Sometimes I rather talk to manager than her. She answered back that that this coworker only has an extra duty, she schedules people who call in sick and want vacation, that's all....

I went over to my sister's house to babysit again. My brother-in-law informed me that the baby was about to fall asleep. Naps are important to babies as toys are. So I spent 2 hours trying to get her to sleep. I read books. Laid her on her parents's bed. Then the stupid talking Elmo kept going off. Soon she needs to go potty. We rush to the bathroom and set her on the potty chair. After trying to tinkle, she stands up. I tried to get her to sit back down. Giving up, I set her on the changing table to find her pants are wet. She went potty alright. I get a new diaper and change her pants and socks, wiping her legs off first. I notice later a few urine drops in the potty chair. Back to bed, she wants her babydoll. Then she wants another babydoll. I bring 5 dolls and place blankets over them. She kicks her feet and laughs. Everytime I think she is about to drift off, she opens her eyes and looks up at me. She keeps sticking her feet in the air. I play lullabies and finally rock he...

I babysat my baby niece yesterday. Their babysitter decided to on a family vacation the week before spring break. I arrived to find the baby taking a nap in the master bedroom. I must have awoke her with the doorbell because she was screaming and crying. When I started petting a cat in the hallway, I heard the baby crying my name. I answered saying I heard someone call my name, who could it be? The baby opened the door with tears streaming down her cheeks. She must have been expecting me. We had so much fun. We played with her dollhouse, colored, read books, played horsie and piggyback, and rode the hobbyhorse. She dragged out all the dishtowels to paly over a doll. Then she dragged out the cooking utensils and I put them back. I tried to encourage finishing her nap by laying on the couch, but she was too excited to lay down. I played kid movies with music because the baby loves to dance. We had a snack and juice to see how hungry she was. I changed her diaper despite her protests. I ...

Tonight there were problems with snow in Chicago and many flight delays. Customers called up asking when we close. As it turned out, these people should have been more concerned about arriving at all. When flights leaving Chicago were being cancelled left and right because of the snow, a thick fog rolled into my city causing flights to be diverted elsewhere. One flight was still posted as delayed until 1 in the morning. I think my coworker's wife has an issue with him waiting for delayed flights. I heard him explaining to her that it is his job to wait for these flights and the bad weather is not his fault. At least he closes only once a week. Post later. Bye!

We had a car in our return lot we couldn't match an owner to. My coworker was close to having it towed, but then a car jockey phoned in the explain the mystery car belong to his mother, who is renting a car from another company. Nice of him to tell us before it was towed away. Why didn't she park her car in the competition's stalls instead of ours? Then we lose keys to a car sitting across the street my coworker wants to bring over. They checked everywhere for the keys to no avail. I'm guessing the keys are in someone's pocket or on the dashboard of one of the rental cars, the usual places for missing keys. Enough excitement for today. Post later. Bye!

Today we received new locks on the cupboards and drawers because my boss was dissatisfied with half of the locks being broken. He was more dissatisfied with the price tag of getting new locks. Since we have this change mood around us, my coworker decides to rearrange everything in the cupboards and drawers. Now we have to check 5-10 places to find anything. That will really screw up my dipshit coworker who can't remember anything tomorrow. I was a big help with my coworker's homework today, she had to look up the state capitals. I pointed out the US map covering 2 pages instead of looking up each individual state in the atlas. Then I started naming the capitals since she had difficulty finding the stars that mark a capital city. She checked my work as I recited. 49 out of 50 captials I named correctly. One I couldn't recall at all. Oh well, nobody's perfect. Post later. Bye!

Today was a little exciting at work. I found out a coworker quit and starts a new job today. It was said that he got tired of working with a certain lazy person and found a new job. Guess I can stop brushing up on my Spanish. Next the boss's brother comes by with a car number to ask us to hold it for him when the car is returned. It needs maintainence. We set the paper aside. Two seconds later we have two cars return and we toss the keys in the return bucket. Boss's brother looks at the keys and asks "Who did this?", he found his wanted car and it was not tagged to be held back like he asked. My coworker and I both said "If it was me, Sorry." Neither of us checked the paper when we returned the cars. Then I looked at my paycheck to discover no overtime for working on my day off last week. I know I went over 40 hours one week, but not the other since I usually work 36 hours a week. I suppose since we get paid biweekly, one has to go over 80 to be paid overtim...

My baby niece went in her potty chair tonight. We applauded. Then she ran down the hall with her pants down. I wiped her off and put her on the changing table to get a new diaper on. My sister had to do the diaper bit since she kept kicking her legs. My sister got a new DVD player so I brought over movies to watch. Then my sister decided to pick up the living room as it began so she kept missing funny parts. Oh well, I let her keep it so she watch it again. I got my income tax refund and promptly put it in the bank. It is going towards paying bills and save the rest for my new kitten. Kitties cost money. 11 weeks to go until I can bring it home. Post later. Bye!