The Adventures of Being Me

Had fun getting new glasses today. Got money put on HSA card to cover the extra that vision insurance doesn't cover. Well 2 vision insurances are not insurance, but discounts. One is a 30% discount and one is 20% discount so I can get 2 pair glasses. Pick out a pair of sunglasses and a pair of glasses. There are no prices on the glasses samples. Total is $1400 with discount plus another $70 co-pay for eye doctor visit. Um, I don't have that much on my HSA card. Tell clerk I didn't realize glasses cost $900-$1000. The clerk says he wished he knew that. He goes behind the counter to bring out a couple drawers that are $179. Getting 1 pair this time. They are ugly. He grabs all the pink ones. I am not crazy over pink though my sweater I am wearing is a pale pink. Finally decide in decorative blue ones. I don't really like them, but I can tolerate them like a lot of things I wear. Hey, I have buy what people make. Drop the polycarbon for plastic that will be heavier. Then t...

Secretary came back today. Doesn't need surgery but do physical therapy. That's a relief. Now the funeral is over now we have to wait to see Mom's financial advisor to get her money. Sister told them Mom died so accounts are frozen until she produces the death certificate. She got that so have to wait for the financial advisor appointment next month. I am not sure what's in her checking and savings. Sister's name is on all Mom's accounts as Power of Attorney. Have to pay for the funeral first, then see if Mom owes any taxes. Sister still hasn't given me her tax documents yet. Mom had life insurance and sister has to find the paperwork to put in a claim. I won't be a millionaire, but won't be in the poorhouse either. Roommate commented how my Mom's death saved my a**. No, her death saved his a** from being kicked out when my IRAs reach $0. I would be kicking him out in a couple months if had not died. I tried to light a fire last December to ge...

Back from the funeral. Church was half full. I made it through the eulogy as a stoic statue. Split up the flowers and I got angel figurine I picked out at the flower shop when deciding on casket flowers and baskets to go around the coffin. Now going back to live as usual. Gotta work tomorrow.

When Mom turned 80, us kids threw a big party for her at her senior living community. The theme was “A Life Well Lived”. She commented to me how she didn’t really do anything with her life. She joked when Dad retired from the railroad that she never gets to retire from cooking and cleaning. Before she married, she was a secretary at an insurance company and continued until she became a mother. Her children were her life. We had a large display of things about her life well lived. Her yearbooks, old photos of her family, her awards, her ribbons from county fairs she had in scrap books, objects she had sewn, and I got a Barbie doll with a poodle skirt to represent her youth graduating high school in 1957 to be part of the display. She played the clarinet in the school band, participated in 4-H complete with a trophy that she won but could not accept in person because she had the mumps. Her sister had to accept it for her. She had Order of Rainbow Girls pins displayed in her hom...

We held the visitation at the funeral home. I recorded the slide presentation share with famlily who couldn't come. We picked 2 Johnny Cash songs to play during the slide show. Mom loved 1950's-60's country music. We had the poem I selected on the back of the obituary folder. A group of local family came and I tried to get each one hugged. A few of my brother's church friends came. A few people from our hometown came. My sister brought cookies from a bakery. Not that many people came. Most people who would have come live too far away or dead. Her senior community friends wouldn't be able to come and her old church friends would be too unhealthy or dead. Oh well. That's how the cookie crumbles. I had a few cookies to help eat them up. Most were gone by the end.

Making a homemade pizza tonight. Had a flashback of Dad making pizza on Sunday nights. Always hamburger pizza for Mom. Pizza crust was thin in some areas and roommate complained his piece fell apart. He didn't really like it. Oh well. I rather liked and might just get a different crust next time. I have a can pizza sauce and shredded cheese leftover. Received a copy of the funeral home slide show of photos describing Mom's life and family. My sister did a good job arranging all the pictures we emailed her. A few of mine were in the collection.

Well, secretary is going to be out of the office for a while. Has a back injury from falling down and might need surgery. Won't be back any time soon. I went to work today. At first I thought I would take the whole week off and the funeral and clearing out Mom's room would be done this week. With the funeral being set for Monday, I decided to work on Friday and take off Monday. A quiet day with a few appointments. With the secretary gone I'm given more responsibilities so didn't watch any learning videos today. Thank goodness. Returned home to continue working on my eulogy for Mom. I actually felt her spiritual presence while roommate was playing a video game. She said, "You can do it". Naturally, I burst into tears and had to go to my room to cry. Sister insists my brother-in-law read the eulogy cause I can't handle it and they must go over the eulogy cause I might put in something the public should not know. I know, I can't be negative, all positi...

Took my roommate and his girlfriend to Mom's skilled care room to help move a couch. They ended up packing her clothes and pack boxes into the cars we had. At first roommate was mad he asked to carry the couch with my brother and then being told to do it. He agreed to it when I asked and we rented the truck so I insist he keep his word. He lives here rent free so he can help my brother move a couch. Once we got there a laundry worker stopped and hugged. Her mother was a childhood friend and she was so sad when my Mom passed cause she was so sweet. Then her mother shared my social media post on the obituary from the funeral home and she was shocked to learn the connection. Small world as they say. Roommate made a joke and said he felt something poke him. Maybe Mom's ghost did that. I got a couch, a vest, a table decoration for fall and Christmas, and a couple tables. We got everything in the house and bought them lunch to say thanks. He finally felt appreciated.

Worked on composing a eulogy for Mom since I took the day off for bereavement. What do you say about a housewife without a career? Plenty. I guess the service will be online so my niece in South Korea can watch it. Still working out the details. So much to do. We visited the funeral director and met the pastor from Mom's church. I gave him my rough draft of a eulogy so he has an idea of what Mom was like. Of course I will be editing it until the day of the funeral next Monday. Sister insisted we didn't need pall bearers when we got together yesterday to discuss detail of the funeral. I wanted a poem and my sister didn't want a stupid poem in the funeral. Funeral director said we do need pall bearers to take the coffin in and out of the hearse. I contacted the few males in the family, this family is mostly women. We agreed to a Monday funeral because of the polar vortex this week and nobody wants to stand outside in 0 degree temperatures. Monday should be warmer at least....

Got woken up by sister calling my cell phone at 5:30 AM. I thought it was my cell alarm so swiped and layed back down. I could hear her vocie saying, "Hello, Hello?". I realized my sister my was calling me, but she hung up. She called my regular phone and I answered. I apologized and explained I thought it was my phone alarm going off. The nurse woke her up to tell her Mom was gone. I read messages how Mom was in pain last night so doctor got painkillers ordered from a pharmacy that were to be deilvered. All they had was morphine and not the other painkillers that was delivered around 2:30 AM. At least she wasn't in pain when she died in her sleep and with my Dad now. She missed him.

Visiting Mom again. Went to church and brunch afterwards. Came to straight over. Brought birthday card for sister. Another sister (oldest sister) and aunt visited too. We plan on celebrating sister’s birthday at dinner. Playing old 1950-60's country music for Mom. Sister tried to get Mom to eat some jello and drink some apple juice. All she could get her to eat at lunch was chocolate ice cream. Sister and aunt left for home. Planned to celebrate my sister's 56th birthday with dinner at a restaurant. Sister gave me some cash to buy dinner. Sister confessed she forgot all about her birthday until I reminded her yesterday. She loved my card. Then sister got concerned Mom's cheeks were ruddy so had the nurse take her temperature. 100.4 so slight fever and blood pressure was high. Nurse was concerned about giving her medicine when we can't wake her up enough to swallow it. Sister called hospice for an evaluation. Last time they took Mom to the hospital, they had to wait...

Visiting Mom today. She just had lunch when I arrived and is resting. She will suddenly open her eyes and go back to sleep. I put a basketball game in the TV for her. Sister came by. Fed her some apple cider and jello. Then nurses came to take her to dinner. Trying to get her to eat. I had to leave to take my roommate to work. Visit tomorrow. I plan to visit every day cause we don't know how much time Mom has left.

Took cupcakes to work and my financial advisors at one. I ate the other. Very good. Roommate used all the vegetable oil so used corn syrup. A little dense but then red velvet usually is. I added some cocoa powder too. So many red velvet cakes are just colored vanilla cakes. Red Velevet is supoosed to be chocolate flavored. Didn't visit Mom today, she is in the hospital so can't see her. Sister is with her. She is dehydrated, not eating or drinking much. Sister said she might be sent back to the skilled care place later today. Have to try to visit tomorrow. Wow, got another lecture from roommate. He is tired of my negative and stressed attitude. He is moving out when he gets money cause he is tired of my depressive energy. He stops playing video games and goes downstairs to separate from my negative energy. My merchandise I try to sell nobody wants. I am wasting time and money on it cause no gift shop is going to my order my merchandise to sell in their store. I should plant ...

Well, took roommate to the dentist. And he wanted to leave cause he had to wait. Appointment is at 3. We were there at 3. Just X rays so should take 5 minutes. Explained that is not how this works. He needs to wait behind the other 3 people at the receptionist desk, tell them he is there, and he receives forms to fill out since it is his first visit. Then he waits to be called. I've waited 20 minutes to see a doctor. Gets his X rays and they don't clean his teeth. They decide on 2 wisdom teeth to be taken out that are bothering him. They recommended braces cause his teeth are a little cramped up. Plus, he 4 cavities. He refuses the braces cause who knows if Trump will cancel his Medicaid. He doesn't want to get them then have have to pay for them himself. After taking roommate to the dentist, spend 2 hours shoveling snow in my driveway, and then bake cupcakes. Roommates came out to help the last 10 minutes when I was almost done. During my rest period, he made me a mug o...

Left 10 minutes early to compensate for the slow driving in the snow this morning. Driving wasn't bad. Arrived 10 minutes early for work. No matter, secretary had the day off so I was in command of the office until financial advisors arrived. Driving home found a delivery truck had jumped a curb. The only vehicle accident I witnessed. Most people were driving slow and cautiously. Snow isn't much of an issue. I can handle snow. I once drove home on the dark highway during white out snow storm that I could barely see the rear lights of the car in front of me and driving a compact car that was a piece of junk. It's ice and heavy wind that makes me lose control to end up in a ditch. We got 6.4 inches of snow.

My heart is broken. Received a message from sister about a meeting with staff about putting Mom is hospice. She is very weak. I never got a chance to pay her back all the money I borrowed when unemployed multiple times from taking temp jobs. She bought my SUV and gave down payment for my house. I am trying to pay back the vet bills she and my sister paid for. My bad luck and terrible paying jobs just never end. Since they are predicting a snow storm, the Wednesday meeting has been moved to Thursday. I take my roommate to the dentist on Thursday so have to miss it.

Great, as if I am not suffering enough. I have to wait until Monday to call an electrician to check on my ceiling fan that is clicking. I have no money to pay them until I get paid. I'm living on peanut butter sandwiches waiting to get paid to buy groceries. Update: Talked to my brother about where the sound is coming from, the ceiling or the fan. He thinks it's stupid to have a ceiling fan in the kitchen cause I have a fan over the stove at the bottom of my microwave. I thought of getting a new light fixture instead of calling an electrician. My roommate said a new ceiling fan would cost less than hiring a electrician. Roommate said he would look at my ceiling fan for the clicking sound. He took out the light bulbs then flipped the breaker switch to cease the power to it and it stopped clicking. I said I would not call an electrician until after he looks at the ceiling fan. May have to get new light bulbs.

First the USAID, then Education Department, then EPA, then the FBI, and now all employees of CIA are informed to quit their jobs so they all can be replaced by Trump loyalists. I wonder how many of these people voted for him. Since many people sleep through history class, let me explain this is how dictatorships are born. We are in Nazi America, but many don't care until they are the target of Trump. He will save us from illegal aliens and inflation was all people cared about during the election. Believe me, one day, they will be a target of Trump. He has started destroying the economy with his tariff war. He has laughed how we should shoot illegal aliens and deport American criminals to other countries. ICE raids and he is trying to take away citizenship rights which is what Hitler did to the Jews and look what happened to them. Now some general is saying prepare for war. With what country exactly? Seriously, who is standing up to him? People in power let him do whatever he wants ...

Well that was fun. Worked all day cause freezing rain is expected so they cancelled the dentist appointment. Drive home skidding a couple times and Ican tell which streets were preteated with brine before the pavement had a sheet of ice on it. I arrive home and needs to go to grocery store for food since he worked yesteerday and got the early pay. Ok, I just drove in freezing rain. He defended he has been awake all night and all day and it has rained all day. He also has not eaten all day trying to preserve our food until Monday when I get paid. There is ice on my driveway, garbage bins, and mailbox. I scraped ice off my car. We agree to drive the gas station down the street. Start skidding going up a hill once turn a corner (I live on a slope) and forced to return home cause I can't go up the hill. Roommate apologized and said was just going to get beer. Walked to the gas station. He fell a few times and got beer cans instead of bottles so they didn't break. No food we desper...

Well, roommate is working tonight. He called them yesterday to ask for hours since my last $20 had to go toward gas to take him to the dentist and make it work until Monday. Though I realized I overbudgeted my cell phone payment. I got a portable modem a while back for a craft fair and returned it after the new year so bill is lower than normal. So in emergency I have $25 for groceries. But not tell them that yet. Then I will have nothing in the bank. Just have to hang until Monday payday. Strike that. I bought A/C filters this weekend so have $12 for emergency food.

Well the food stamps have been cut off. Roommate doesn't work today, he works next Monday. He doesn't work all week. Why did they hire him, promote him to shift lead and then not give him hours. Did he quit and doesn't want to tell me? He got his first paycheck Friday. No money came to me.

Went to church and brunch afterwards. Visited Mom today. I haven't visited since Christmas so I should see her so she knows she is not abandoned. I arrived during lunch. She ate in slow motion and at the end needed help with glass/napkin. She kept closing her eyes and pausing before grabbing another bite. She kept talking to me and had to lean in to hear her. After lunch, nurse pushed her back. I was told she isn't to be alone cause she's keeps falling so I have to tell them when I leave. Staff said she is sweet and I look like her. Took her for a walk around the halls in her wheelchair. The common area had basketball playing on the TV so we stopped to watch to the end. Then took her back to her room and she wanted to watch more basketball. Then she wanted to sit in her chair. Next she wanted to stretch out on the bed. Nurses came by with medication and a snack. They lowered the bed so she can't get up from her weak legs. She needed help walking to her chair and bed...