The Adventures of Being Me

I was folding laundry in the basement when little niece put a pair of shorts on her head and grabbed a water hose saying she was a firefighter and has to wear special clothes to fight fires. I had to ask my sister where that came from. A TV show called Calliou had the cartoon boy visit a fire station with his school class. Kids are so funny. Post Later. Bye!

A customer returned his car today who filled out an accident report the day before. Over the weekend he called stating he was rear ended and needed a new car because the trunk won't shut. Yesterday he came in for a car exchange. What he wrote on the accident report when he exchanged cars was that he had someone's girlfriend in his car, the boyfriend chased him down, rammed him, and beat him up on the sidewalk. Bystanders on the sidewalk watching the beating called the police. My coworker said that it may be a while before he rents another car from us again. My coworker asked what her most outrageous accident report was. She replied when some guy reported his car was stolen from the hotel parking lot and needed a new car. Later it was found out that this guy traveling on business got drunk at the bar, skidded while turning a corner in the snow, spun completely around, and hit a light pole. Then tried to pass it off as a stolen car. I meet interesting people working this job. Pos...

I met a guy a matchmaker at work introduced me to. I show up after shopping and he had a table reserved, in a quiet corner where the waitresses take their breaks. The menu was on the table opened in the middle. The waitress introduced herself as my date's friend Melody since he never introdues people. He defends they are just friends, nothing more. I glanced at the menu and ordered ice cream. I ate at the mall 2 hours ago and not famished. He waits for his meal while sipping some soup. His cell phone kept ringing even though he kept sending it to voicemail. He answered the phone and the fifth ring he explained that he is in the middle of a date. He said he just moved out of his sister's place and into an apartment, by himself, and has overprotective friends who worry about him. He shouldn't be getting any more phone calls. He said he wanted to get me a flower but unsure if I like flowers. Yes I like flowers. I didn't go into the I'm allergic to wildflowers but not ...

We had someone with a weed wacker and leaf blower walk by, the pool men making a lot of noise, the cats chased a squirrel up a tree, and when it was time to go home, I found a snake skin Frodo was sniffing. Brown, about 3 feet long, and thank goodness I only saw the skin. I'm sure this snake can easily kill my cats. Does anyone know how to safely dislodge a snake wrapped around your pet? I assumed it is a not posionous pit viper cause I am sure Iowa doesn't have poisonous snakes, naturally that is. How's your day? Off to shop, I have gift cards to use before my date at 7. Post later. Bye!

God must have an awry sense of humor I do not appreciate. Only weirdoes seem interested in dating me. It has been a week now since I told this guy someone at work introduced me to that we have no future since he can't quit smoking and threw away his number I never had the intention of calling (I didn't ask for it, he just gave it to me). He must be too stupid to figure out I'm not interested or his friend didn't pass along my asking him to do me a favor and not ever set me up with anyone again. I can not negotiate my asthma so a smoker and me have no future together. But he wanted to take me out and he got so whiny asking what dinner place I wanted to go to. He wanted to take me to a Greek food place (then why is he asking me where I want to go if he already has an idea where he wants to take me). I told him I'm not familiar with Greek food. He name some dishes and I am not familiar on what those dishes are. He did mention lamb chops and I said Yuck, I don't eat...

My current love interest sent me an email stating that shallow flattery, the art of complimenting strangers before he gets to knowm them is not his style. I'm unsure if he was implying I was good at shallow flattery, or simply stating his flaws. Yeah, I already figured out his has no charisma. But I have nothing better to do so I keeps giving him chances to woo me. I replied that I can see why he never had a girlfriend, or even a female friend. I gave him a tip: Men fall in love with their eyes while Women fall in love with their ears. Also including that Men use love to get sex while Women use sex to get love. If he wants a wife he needs to bring out the charm. Why do think heroes in fairytales are nearly always called Prince Charming? In the words of a niece's t-shirt: I'm much nicer when given chocolate. Post later. Bye!

Guy at work determined to get me out of the house introduces me a man he hardly knows saying we would make the perfect couple cause we are both shy. He doesn't know how old this guy is, or his last name, or his job title or his interests. They met a church. Well he doesn't have a job title because he does odd jobs with a friend doing a little of everything. He occasionly goes to church, but not deeply religious. He can't dance and listens to 80's country music. Plus, he smokes occasionly. I have asthma so he has to quit forever if he wants my attention. He said he will quit and later said he had his last cigarette. He changed his mine the next day, but he is cutting back instead of going cold turkey. I hate to be discouraging, but I can not negotiate my asthma. I told him not to string me along if he can't quit. I have a coworker who has quit several times, once for four months, and starts smoking again. I know it is very hard, but I can not have a smoking boyfriend...

I had my sister take a Love Test in a magazine to see if her husband and her make a good match. I took it myself to see what personalities fit well with me. The personality type picked for us were like reading horoscopes, some traits fit us and some don't. Instead of having fun and laughing the results, we get into an argument on how I'm lying on this test and getting the wrong profile that doesn't fit me. She sister views me very differently from how I see myself. Yeah well, I'm sure my sister would not call herself manipulative, sensitive, demanding yet never satisfied, snobby, with a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality as I would call her. I tried to explain how my coworkers view me very differently than how she sees me, but she is convinced I'm lying on my love test. Sister is always right you know and I know nothing about myself. Though when she accused me of not being adventurous as my profile said because I never moved far away from home, I thought (to myself) th...

Striped blue and white sparkly string bikini. I went shopping for a new bathing suit today. It was a nightmare trying to find 2 swimsuit pieces that matched. I preferred the pink version of my new swimsuit, but couldn't find both pieces in the correct size. And believe me, I looked. I thought the string verses elastic was better for my fat butt. It is covered. The cats loved the strings hanging down leading me to cry ouch. Yes, they have their claws. I also bought some seashell and bead jewelry for the summer. I almost scared to buy metal jewelry anymore cause the labels don't say what it is made from. Don't get me wrong, there are labels stating nickel free, but I can't wear stainless steal or sterling silver cause it itches. My only test is rubbing it with my hands to see if I react, which usually happens once my allergy medicine wears off not before. I did get some metal chains long enough to wear with a collared shirt in case I itch. I rather be safe than sorry with...

Someone let me borrow their The Departed movie. If anyone working for Leonardo Dicaprio reads this, please tell him to stop acting in movies where he gets killed at the end. It makes me sad. He has the talent to make bad guys, good guys so lovable my heart goes out to his characters and don't wish him dying anymore. He is kinda like Kiefer Sutherland and John Travolta in playing good guys and bad guys so well. And if anyone working for Mark Wahlberg reads this, please get this boy better parts. He needs to start starring in his films. He is so good, he should be winning Oscars. I love him in this role. More screen time next time please. Post later. Bye!

Last Sunday, a coworker was being murdered by his allergies and frustrated his medicine wasn't working. I suggested to get a prescription from his doctor, there is more than one allergy medicine in existance. I find out today that he is having surgery on his nose, the piece of skin that separates one's nostirls is awry. Looks like he took my advice seeing his doctor. Now he is freaking out setting up a will, getting life insurance, terrified he will die from this simple surgery cause he has never had surgery before. This terrifying surgery has been survivied by my manager and no big deal. But then this guy is a bit of a drama queen (or king). My evil coworker telling me all this asked me to scare him by saying I know a person who died having this simple operation. Well, the only person I know to died after surgery was my grandpa after getting a staph infection and 2 kinds of pneumonia, causing his poor wee body to wear out beyond recovery. No, evil coworker thinks that isn'...

I went shopping today to use some coupons I collected. While I was there, I checked out the latest fashions. I am so use to buying small size that it feels weird to get large from my weight gain this past year. It is so unfair. I have to remind myself not to shop Target or Walmart for clothes because their wardrobe in steered towards teenagers. Even their swimsuits were hideous. I guess teenagers call it fashion. I did get a pair of shorts very tight in the thigh, but didn't have a bigger size. All the sandals they had were the 6" platform kind so I didn't get any new shoes. Too bad. I love new shoes like I love new clothes. When I was looking at panties, I said to myself "My butt is this big?". Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! And worse, the big girl panties fit. Somehow, I hear my mother laughing at my observations of middle age. Post later. Bye!