Another cold day in Iowa

New Year started with introducing my kittens Bilbo and Misty to my ferrets. Luthien ferret keeps displaying her dominance by biting their necks and shaking them them, which makes them scream. Took a month and half, but she is getting less aggressive. After a couple days, had to take kittens to vet when goo started coming out of their eyes. Upper respiratory infection was the diagnosis and given antibiotics. Introduced the kittens to the family who love to play with the new furbabies. Started working for an Income Tax Prep company, I hope one of these days to be an Enrolled Agent and make lots of money. Right now, I need it to pay off debt (these student loans are killing my saving capabilities). We finally got snow in January and ferrets were happy to swim in it. One even made a snow tunnel. Kittens got their paws in the snow and backed away from it. Lost female Beta fish Ananke that I got as a baby and was growing bigger every day. Neighbor saw me resting from shoveling my driveway (I have asthma) and offered to use his snowblower to finish my work.

Took Mom to my Dad's cousins reunion at a pizza place. So nice of them to invite her. Lost male Beta fish Atlas Jr that I got full grown. My ferret Luthien was dubbed the The Brave when she was the only ferret to go outside during the polar vortex, then I knew it was really cold when even SHE refused to go outside and turned around to scamper between my feet. Got new Beta fish Aeneas and Pandora, both full grown. Had a asthma attack at work and had to leave early. Adopted 2 Bonded Buddy dogs from the shelter during one of their specials. I kept them 1 day after they peed on my furniture and growling at the ferrets/kittens. Once a dog attacked a kitten, I had to take them back. I was not the right home for them. Lost the internet and my phone connection so had to wait a couple days for the technician to fix the problem. Had adventure driving home in freezing rain when car decided to skid and spin 180 degrees to come to a stop. I was happy not hitting an oncoming car. Driving around in this snow and ice, I can't decide which is worse: the curves, the hills, or the potholes.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Had a lovely Christmas Day at my Mom's apartment with sister's family. Took turns choosing Christmas specials to watch. Niece and nephew liked their gifts of slippers/gloves/gift card. Mom loved her chocolate present.

Back to work the next day and rest of the week. We had a cubicle decorating contest and the top manager's kids were the judges. Our section was Santa's Workshop and I was Mrs. Claus. On my desk, I put down black paper to create stove and made a tray of gingerbread cookies from construction paper. I should have brought cookie cutter for the gingerbread men cause my free hand figures were less tidy. Since I brought treats for coworkers and gave a Christmas specials/movies quiz to get the grand prize Champagne cupcake, I left a few cookies and piece of fudge for the judges. I think they might have tipped the scale in our favor. Anyway, we are getting chicken strip lunch as a reward. Took down everything today. I grabbed a couple boxes to use for storage.

New Year's Eve I'm getting kittens from a friend. I commented how empty the house feels with my cats gone (ferrets spend most of the day in their room) and friend offered a kitten from her cat. I said I would take 2. So I will have a very Happy New Year.

Christmas Story 2018

Twas the night before Christmas and I could hardly bare it

Not a creature was stirring, not even a ferret

The stockings were hung on the bookcase with care

With hopes of St Nicholas soon would be there

Mama in bed taking a long nap

As Eowyn, Luthien, and I waited with the Santa trap

Visions of red toys and dangling Christmas balls

Filled my dreams of what this Christmas thing befalls

When all of a sudden there popped such a spark

Eowyn jumped up to find it was all dark

A streetlight went out and trees covered in ice

No longer dimly sparkled, which was very nice

The moon glowing upon the new fallen snow

Covering the mushy leaves unraked below

When what to my wondering ferret eyes should appear

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer

With a little old driver so bright red and quick

I so badly wanted give that toy a lick

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name

Now Jingles Now Jangles Now Ivy and Holly

On Snowball On Sparkle On Tinsel and Jolly

To the top of the porch to the top of the wall

Now dash away dash away dash away all

As right before Luthien yawned the wild flurries whirled

Our hearts danced and us ferrets twirled

So up to the rooftop the coursers they flew

With a sleigh full of toys and St Nicholas too

And then, in an instant we heard on the roof

the scratching and pawing of each little hoof

As I drew in my head and jumped over a ball

In the door St Nicholas tripped over the light cord to fall

The sprung trap lit the tree and Santa let out a yell

And the vibrations shook the decorations to ring like a bell

He got up and placed the decorations back

And I took the opportunity to crawl into his sack

I had drunken all the milk so Eowyn got more

He ate the sugar cookies we had set on the floor

While Luthien heated the cocoa in a wag of a tail

I gave him a napkin from his bag without fail

His face was red like a cherry as he went Ho, ho, ho

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow

The stump of a pipe he held in his teeth like a charm

And the smoke blew up to set off the smoke alarm

To unplug the battery he swiftly rushed

Then took a look at us and rightly blushed

He was chubby and plump a right jolly old elf

And I squeaked when he petted us in spite of myself

All over his boots we rubbed our fur

Then I heard mama beginning to stir

Santa spoke not a word, but finished his cookies

He filled up the stockings, even for us rookies

Then laying a finger aside of his nose

And giving a nod, out the door he rose

He sprang to his sleigh to his team gave a holler

And away they all flew as we furbabies got taller

But I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight

Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night

Christmas Letter 2018

Merry Christmas to my dear friends and family. Slept in the New Year and enjoyed the next day off. Drove Mom to my Dad's cousins’ reunion at a pizza place. Attended a baby shower for my cousin having her first child, a boy she gave birth to a couple months later. Started volunteering for VITA again (my 4th year) answering newbie questions and checking their work. Celebrated ferret Boromir's 1st Birthday. Had fun shoveling the driveway from all of our snowfall the old-fashioned way. A snow blower would be just another machine I don’t know how to use, plus got to gas up and fix when parts break. Spent Valentine's Day at work and then doing taxes for VITA. Sent Mom a Heart shaped pizza and brownies. Watched the Winter Olympics on TV. Celebrated cat Precious's 12th Birthday. Celebrated ferret Luthien's 2nd Birthday. Missed the St. Patrick's Day parade because it was just too cold outside to enjoy it so spent the day at home doing house chores.

In the spring, I enjoyed the blooms from the bulbs I planted the prior autumn. I hosted Easter dinner with Mom and sister’s family in attendance. Celebrated cat Frodo’s 12th Birthday. Attended my niece's confirmation. Two neighbors’ trees fell into my yard and crushing the fences so had to keep cats inside until fences were fixed by the neighbors (and one tree broke my glass birdbath). Had Mother's Day dinner with my sisters' families with Mom at a restaurant. Hired a lawn care company since nephew wasn't out of school yet and they ran over my Miniature Roses and Dutch Iris so no blooms from them this year. My male Beta Pontus died after a year from getting him full grown and became first fish to be buried in backyard. I visited cemeteries on Memorial Day with family.

In the summer, I got a baby male Beta named Erebos. I snaked my first drain. Ordered a new birdbath via internet since it was sold out in the store and it arrived broken so returned it to store. I will have to wait to get a new one next year. Visited Dad at the cemetery for Father's Day and played Taps on my smartphone for him. Had a chipmunk in my house a couple weeks before it left. Got a trap for the rodent, but all I caught was Luthien licking the peanut butter. Some coworkers got hit with Floods of 2018 and I was happy to be living on a slope. Plus, happy my sewer didn’t back up into my basement and drown my ferrets (ferret room is in the basement). Enjoyed 4th of July Urbandale celebrations with sister's family and Mom. My male Beta Helios I got last year as a baby died and got a baby male Beta named Atlas. Dryer broke so hung wet clothes up outside on a clothesline. Thank goodness the prior house owner left behind clothes pins or would have been screwed. Took the heavier items to Mom’s to dry and then brought over all laundry every week until the dryer was fixed. Had ferret Eowyn and cat Precious catch the sniffles and after a couple weeks got better. Had panic attack when getting cats back inside from the backyard when noticed an owl (it hooted) in my walnut tree. Had another panic attack when Frodo disappeared from the yard squeezing through a gap between fence post and gate. I found him a couple hours later in the front yard bush. Celebrated my Mom's 79th birthday at her apartment. My great-niece was ready to jump out the window to swim at the water park next door. During my Staycation, went to the local amusement park, zoo, and pool swimming with sister's family.

Nephew celebrated his 14th Birthday with his father's side 90 miles from us so we got together later at Mom’s place to give him presents. And then, poor Precious with a lung infection making him cough became worse from not eating compounded by fleas to die in August. Frodo took Precious's death hard and stopped eating. I had to spoon feed him for a month. Then started walking strange so took to the vet for an arthritis diagnosis. Took nephew and sister out miniature golfing as a thank you for helping me with my yardwork. Female Beta Eos I got last year as a baby died so got a new female Beta Metis. Celebrated my 43rd birthday with family at at a restaurant. My Metis lasted 5 days before dying so got a baby girl Beta named Ananke who is getting bigger and now a young lady. Went to niece’s and nephew's piano recital. Taught nephew how to remove a bush, he loved using the axe.

Autumn arrived celebrating Eowyn's 5th birthday. Got hired on to a Tax prep company so will earn extra money next year. Carved Jack o' lanterns with snoopy ferrets ready to poke their heads in the holes. Beggar's Night was fun with 9 kids coming to my door. Last group of 4 petted Boromir. I picked him up to prevent escape out the door and kids thought he was so cute to ask to pet him. He was a good boy. Next, Male Beta Atlas died. I got him this summer as a baby and he was growing up to be a beautiful male fish. Shortly after, got a new male fully grown and named him Atlas Jr. Through the fall Frodo lost weight and finally died in November when I was at work. Celebrated niece's 15th birthday at a restaurant. Commenting how strange it is sleep without a cat and no longer have the cat alarm waking me up demanding breakfast, a friend offered a kitten born in November to me. I replied I could take two. So I will have to wait a couple months to collect when they are weaned from their mother. My heart is healing.

Went to brother's house for Thanksgiving and went out with sister's family for Black Friday specials. Put up my Mom's Christmas decorations for her. Ferrets are happy to play in the boxes and under the tree skirt as I put out my own decorations. Had a friend help with new icicle lights on the roof shingles. I think I’ll leave them up there all year and just put away the yard decorations. Will celebrate Christmas at Mom’s place, both Christmas Day and Extended Family Christmas. Now aren’t you glad I keep an online journal to remember all this. Have a Wonderful New Year,

Jordan Harvey Eoywn (ferret) Luthien (ferret) Boromir (ferret) Nyx (fish) Erebos (fish) Ananke (fish) Atlas Jr. (fish)

Another Thanksgiving done and Black Friday gone

Celebrated niece's 15th birthday at a buffet restaurant. She loved my gift of Skechers shoes. Who doesn't love Skechers? Friend offered her kittens just born the week before to me since I'm in misery missing my kitties. So have to wait a couple months to collect when they are weaned from their mother. My heart is healing.

Went to brother's house for Thanksgiving and went out with sister's family for Black Friday specials. Not very many good sales if allowed to say that. Anything I badly want is often not on sale. Did get a ladder and new icicle lights for my roof. It's so pretty. Next got a vacuum and attachment to clean the dryer vent so maybe my clothes will come out dry instead of moist. Dryer just got serviced last summer and parts put on to make it work again. Put up my Mom's Christmas decorations for her. I got my decorations and ferrets are happy to play in the boxes and under the tree skirt.

Returned to work to put up my Christmas tree and garland at my desk. Everybody loves my candy cane lights. Now have work on Christmas letter and Christmas Story of ferrets trying trap Santa Claus. No cats in the story this time.

RIP Frodo

I got a new white male Beta fish and named him Atlas Junior last weekend.

Today Frodo cat died. I was worried last night from his getting lethargic on me and refusing to eat (I played Elvis songs for him), but at bedtime he perked up to drink some water. Then this morning I saw he ate a little food during the night. He was meowing the second he heard me stir in my bed. I gave him his medicine and went to work. Came home and he was gone. Ferrets paid their respects before I covered him with rose petals and wrapped him in a blanket I got from the nearby store. Too dark and ground too cold to dig a grave tonight, so will bury him tomorrow after work. At least, I don't have to worry about Frodo anymore like I have the past 2 months. Frodo was 12 years old so he has lived his life.

Winter Almost Here

Celebrated Eowyn ferret's 5th birthday with cupcake. Ferrets love frosting and I eat the cupcake. Frodo cat got a can of tuna.

Spoon fed Frodo until he started eating on his own again. Took the pets out to enjoy the days of warm weather. Frodo finally quit hiding and strengthened his arm muscles to move around while dragging his bottom half. He even went outside on warm days and enjoyed some fresh air.

Email got hacked again and discovered a device in another country was synced to my email. Lodged the typical complaints but who knows if anything happened to the people who hacked me.

We had tornadoes near my Mom's hometown and my hometown. Many friends and family in the danger zones. Don't know how many tornadoes are normal for October.

Had to rent Joan Jett's Documentary Bad Reputation online cause it wasn't playing in my area of the world. Loved it and highly recommend it.

Had some flurries that didn't stay long enough to count toward the 1st Snow Contest a TV station has every year so no snow blower awarded to anyone yet.

Celebrated Boss's Day by giving my manager a breakfast and lunch buffets. We coworkers gave her a gift card as well. My manager's manager got a gift card for a manicure from the office.

Got hired on to a tax preparation company so will earn extra money and hopefully pay off my vet bills among other bills.

Carved Jack o' lanterns with snoopy ferrets ready to poke their heads in the holes. Beggar's Night was fun with 9 kids coming to the my door. Last group of 4 petted Boromir ferret. I picked him up to prevent escape out the door and kids thought he was so cute to ask to pet him. He was a good boy. Work had a Halloween costume contest and Chili cook off. I didn't win any prizes, but got free lunch.

Saw Bohemian Rhapsody in the theater. March to November is a long wait.

Vanquished the fleas for the large part. Found a flea med that kills fleas in 6 hours so here's hoping.

Sent in my Absentee Ballot and happy Election Day is over.

New White Beta male fish Atlas died. I got him this summer as a baby and he was growing up to be a beautiful male fish. Nothing else to report.

Adventures at the Vet

Sad week. Took Frodo to the vet from his limping (he resembles a seal on land) and received the news he has arthritis in his hips and knees, plus a small solid mass the size of a pea in his tummy tissue. He was greatly traumatized at the vet going through blood test, urine test, claws clipped, and X-rays. He was happy to return home. Giving him his pain meds and now he stopped eating. Had to inform the family that we might be saying good-bye to Frodo if he doesn't recover his eating. And got a another huge vet bill I have to put on the credit card. Such as life, at least for me anyway.

Autumn is Coming

Well, my black walnut tree has dropped tons of walnuts in my yard that nobody wants, not even squirrels who eat my peanuts. Nephew celebrated his birthday with his father's side 90 miles from us so we got together later to give him presents. He received a zipper sweatshirt from me. It was a little big so probably went back to the store to be exchanged. Got new parts for the dryer so it is completely fixed. Couldn't afford to renew the warranty so will hope for the best and replace appliances if I must. Got the teeth cleaned at the dentist's office. Got a coupon in the mail so got a hair cut at the salon (6 inches whacked off). I said I wanted job getting hair. I have yet to have an interview to test it out and soon it will grow out. Frodo cat took Precious cat's death hard and let the ferrets he usually smacks near him. He needed a buddy. Then he started hiding in the closet to escape the flea spray (I thought) so when I got a flea foam he came out and last night he slept in bed the first time in a week. Took nephew and sister out miniature golfing. Nephew had said some family are so competitive that they take the fun out of games so in our miniature golf adventure, we didn't keep score.

Female Beta fish Eos died so got a new female Metis. Celebrated my 43rd birthday (tell no one) with family at Kentucky Fried Chicken. Brought Angel Food Cake to work and only 2 out of a dozen co-workershad a piece. My Metis lasted 5 days before dying so got a baby girl Beta named Ananke. Had a tailgate party at work and brought a giant cookie to work that was mostly eaten. Went to niece and nephew's piano recital. Did a phone interview for a job and a few days later received the rejection email. Chopped weeds in the yard and taught nephew how to remove a mulberry bush. Oh yeah, and picked burs out of my sister's shorts. Neighbor dog found his way into my yard so neighbor had to fix the fence (a loose piece could be moved and dog crawled under the fence). Out of state relative came over and dinner with them with the family. Still dealing with fleas that probably won't really go away until it's cold. Tried to bake oatmeal cookies, but short a half cup flour so cookies baked into mush. Another co-worker bit the dust so we said our good-byes and good lucks with their new job. I'm wondering when my turn will come.

Nothing else to report.

RIP Precious

My cat Precious died last night. I buried him in the backyard after work tonight and sang Amazing Grace for him. I got him from a friend who insisted I take kitten her cat had (1 of 9). Precious had a twin who looked just like him. Her son picked Precious for me cause he was so sweet and I had a sweet disposition. I got him at 9 weeks old and 2.2 pounds. Tiny shrimp of a cat I called him. He grew bigger and his heaviest weight was 22 pounds. Had someone take his picture because he was the biggest cat he ever saw as we were outside. Vet techs said he looked like a Maine Coon. Actually had someone say their friend wanted a Maine Coon cat and asked me how much I wanted for Precious. I replied he was not for sale and continued our walk. Yes, I got Precious to walk on a leash. Actually he walked around sniffing everything and I just followed him. He loved to chase feathers and his buddy Frodo I adopted from a shelter. Later on I got a ferret that the cats didn't like and it was comical watching Faramir the ferret chasing Precious around the apartment. He loved drinking out of the kitchen faucet and getting in the fridge. He has been with me in 2 apartments and now a house. He loved my house backyard where he didn't have to wear a harness. He relaxed on the concrete bench and I brought him bowls of ice on hot days and he wouldn't come inside. At age 12, he lived a full life. He will be missed.

I am the Master of Weird Dreams

Kept having a recurring dream this week while I was working.

It is 1981, I'm 5 years old, and I'm sitting alone at an airport, I think Kansas City but not sure. I am on my way to Los Angeles to be in the Annie movie as an orphan extra (if you spot a girl in pigtails cause Mom kept my hair short wearing a lavender dress with white shirt that was me). My Mom went to the rest room and I sit on a bench singing to myself. A man walks by and sits on the bench a couple feet way. I do a double take at the man cause I recognize him as Freddie Mercury. I shake with excitement and shock. You're Freddie Mercury, I gasp and sing a bit of Another One Bites the Dust. Yep, that's my song, the man says. The rest of the band arrive and Mr. Mercury offers a band autograph for me. I have no paper and pen. They grab pen and paper to sign it. I ask what it says cause I haven't started school yet to read it myself. Mr. Mercury points to the 4 names and To the Songbird (cause I was singing when he walked by). They wave good-bye and I sit with my autographed paper. My Mom arrives and I explain who she just missed. We go to the gate and I chat to myself looking at books, sing to my Mom, and we board the plane.

Then after while on the plane, I have to go the rest room. There is a man in front of me. Seeing I am holding my crotch and jumping around, he lets me go ahead of him. It's Brian May. I come out and Oh, it's you again. He recognizes the songbird from the airport bench. I return to my seat next to Mom. The stewardess comes over and asks if I would like to sit up front in 1st Class behind the curtain for the remainder of the trip. I sit with the band Queen drinking from champagne glasses. I am offered a Sprite. I comment how a ghost of an old lady was behind them and one of their grandmothers had died recently. We have conversation until we land and I return to my seat next to Mom. We run into each other getting off the plane at the gate. We waved good-bye a second time. My Mom orders me "Come on" and comments how strange the band looks. Mr. Mercury replied, "I may look weird, but I'm not the one having an affair." Mom is shocked I said that to them and yanks on my arm to leave. We arrive at the movie studio and movie orphans were excited I met the band Queen.

But I know it is just a weird dream cause Queen was touring in South America in 1981 so they never would have met me in North America that year. It was a nice dream though.

Midsummer Happenings

Survived the flooding in Des Moines. Walnut Creek that flooded was north of my journey to work so got to work okay. Got rid of 2 shrubs along my house. Had to use an axe to whack the wood trunk apart. Don't have to worry about it anymore. Day before the 4th of July, got off work early so stopped at the grocery store. Got a nail in my tire and rushed to mechanic before they closed to get it fixed. Spent 4th of July with Mom and sister's family. Got a stash of parade candy from niece and nephew so shared it at work. It took about a week but it did disappear. When I came into work the next day, the computers were down from a power surge frying the server so ended up with the day off.

Lost my male Beta Helios I got as a baby and got another baby Atlas. 2 fish buried in the backyard now. Claims adjuster informed me that my roof leakage is not from storm damage, but normal wear and tear so insurance won't cover it. Got 2 interviews for new jobs. One employer called my home phone while I was at work so no interview cause they refuse to call my cell phone while I'm on my lunch break. Dryer broke down on me so happy I had clothes line poles in backyard. Tied a string and grabbed clothes pins prior owners left behind and hung up the clothes the old fashioned way. Hung my heavy towels and jeans on chairs to take to Mom's place to dry them. Had to take the next week a whole laundry basket full to Mom's to clean since the dryer fixer had to order a new cord (old cord was fried in a power surge).

Had a ferret and cat catch the sniffles and after a couple weeks got better. Came home from work and after lifting up the garage door, the car won't start. Had it towed and I need a new ignition system cause it's been fried. Have to use separate keys for door and ignition now. I drove a car in the 90's so I can handle the 2 key concept. When got the car back, they bumped the antenna so had to return the next day for them to reconnect the antenna to play the radio. Between car, roof, and dryer, I'm asking God what is the next issue I have to deal with. I feel so cursed. Had panic attack when getting cats back inside from the backyard when noticed an owl in a tree (it hooted) in my walnut tree. Owl was the size of my cats.

Got estimates for the roof repair, the 1st one was way too high. Several roofers were booked up for months and went with the one who could come the following week after their lower estimate. Came to work to find the water shut off for repairs. My coworkers were happy when it came back so they could have coffee. My Staycation began with a job interview in person and was told the District Manager would contact me within a week. Manager never contacted me so I guess I was not desired. What they wanted was a CPA who would sell their brand and work for next to nothing. Yeah, I can tell you how to sell your brand: Good product people can't live without and good customer service. My sister says I don't get jobs cause I'm not pretty. Yeah sure, I interview with women so I'm sure they are not looking at my bosom size nor pretty/ugly face when determine my qualifications for the job.

Celebrated my Mom's 79th birthday. My great-niece was ready to jump out the window to swim at the water park next door. Went to the local amusement park with sister's family. Bought a funnel cake with ice cream I shared. Niece and nephew seem to enjoy it as much as me. Flea issues returned though ferrets get them worse than the cats. Gave ferrets a Dawn bath rubbing the dishwashing soap on them. Black clouds flew over my city without a drop of rain, but then 12 tornadoes appeared in towns east of my city. One town had 2 tornadoes. Amazing there were no fatalities. Went to zoo and pool swimming with sister's family. Experienced my Mom's pool that is heated. I had to do that more often.

Work gained 2 new clients so coworkers were shifted around. I hope I get a new job soon. If I made one friend somewhere, I might deal with my stress better. But, people always run away from me, then avoid me (my next door neighbor I was getting to know has done this) to leave me wondering what I said wrong. Was it the cats, the ferrets, the Beta fish, my dead end job, or my overbearing family? Started exercising again to lessen my flab exploding out of my clothes. I can't afford a new wardrobe. My managers manager gave us Marcos' pizza for a job well done last month. We joked this was our bonus since we didn't get our 2nd quarter bonus from lack of revenue. Dryer fixer had to order new parts and will come next week to complete the dryer repair. He got it to run so I could dry my clothes, but other parts needed ordering to complete repair.

Hope August is better. All I ever wanted was a career and a family and so far been denied both. I guess I'm asking too much from life.

Summer Half Gone

May adventures included door leaking water, had a thunderstorm where rotating clouds passed over my city (but no funnel cloud came down), went on a date with a man I met on online dating site to find a codependent dud, had a neighbor's tree fall into my yard so had to keep cats inside until fence was fixed (and tree broke my glass birdbath), had Mother's Day dinner with 2 sisters and Mom (Mom got a dozen of red roses), hired a lawn care company since nephew wasn't out of school yet and they ran over my Miniature Roses and Dutch Iris so no blooms from them this year, let the ferrets have yard time to have them be naughty trying to escape so privilege was taken away, my pink male Beta Pontus died after a year from getting him full grown and became first fish to be buried in backyard, received a phone call for a job offer and returned the call to find the voicemail box full so couldn't leave a message, got interest from a temp agency to find I don't really want to go down the temp road again (the job I responded to was a direct hire), work brought in new vending machines, work had a cornhole tournament and we were given free bomb pops to watch the finals, work decided to let us wear shorts for causal Fridays, and I visited cemeteries on Memorial day with Mom and 2 sisters.

June came with Han Solo movie I saw in the theater, Frodo disappeared through the hole between gate and fence post to be found in bush in the front yard, bought a new blue baby male Beta named Erebos, snaked my first drain, weeded the yard, applied for the Homestead Credit, got a new inhaler so I can do yard work without an asthma attack, had to take the car in 3 times in one week, ordered new birdbath via internet since sold out in store and it arrived broken so returned it to store and have to wait to get new one next year, visited Dad at the cemetery for Father's Day and played Taps on my smartphone for him, mowed a third of my yard when nephew got tired (I never have mowed a lawn before) and had an asthma attack and happy I got a new inhaler, did a phone interview for another job offer, had a chipmunk in my house a couple weeks before it left, cooked dinner for visiting aunt and family, door flew open after I thought I shut it and ferrets got out and one made it to the neighbor's deck who knocked on my door to give it back in the pouring rain, and roof started dripping in 2 places so have to get roof fixed.

July begins getting rid of 2 shrubs near the house, floods of 2018 hit Des Moines and felt lucky my house in on a slope, had to take car in when nail found a way into a tire, enjoyed 4th of July Urbandale celebrations with sister's family and Mom, returned to work to find computers were down so got the day off, blue male Beta Helios I got last year as a baby died and got a white male named Atlas, another job offer came with phone interview later this week and in person interview for another job offer next week when I take vacation, and dryer broke so hung wet clothes up outside on a clothesline. Thank goodness the prior house owner left behind clothes pins or would have been screwed.

Nothing else to report.

Congratulations to Harry and Meghan, Duke and Duchess of Sussex

Well, Diana's second son got married to an American. I bet she would be so proud and give the new Duchess of Sussex a hug. I missed the entrance of the wedding, but got woken up by a hungry cat to switch the TV on to see some of it. It was nice to see Sarah behind her daughters and ex-husband (since she wasn't invited to William's wedding). I wish them happiness and present this poem.

If I were to write a poem
For your big wedding day
I would use silly words
and try to make it rhyme.

If I were to write a poem
for a once sweet young boy
I would say I'm proud of you
and have a joyous time.

If I were to write a poem
For your wish come true
I would wish I could be there
but natural forces pulled us apart.

If I were to write a poem
for Henry and Meghan
I would give them a big hug
from the bottom of my heart.

If I were to write a poem
for a delightful couple
I would toast the love birds
and present you the only copy.

Emily Dickinson poem

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -

And sore must be the storm -

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -

And on the strangest Sea -

Yet - never - in Extremity,

It asked a crumb - of me.

Spring is here

The good part about owning a house is planting flowers. I have flower blooms of hyacinths and daffodils. Plus tons of purple violets all over the yard. I love violets. My Cat TV (aka Bird Feeder) are attracting red wing blackbirds and crows. See robins, sparrows, and chickadees too. My hummingbird feeders evaporated so something is drinking them up. Saw some bees by my flowers so making my contribution of honey to their hives.

Attended my niece's confirmation and got to see family again. She loved my cross necklace gift with mother of pearl. Much better family gathering than my Mom's cousin's funeral a few weeks ago. Poor family discovered so many loved the deceased that they ran out of food. Mom was given a basket of flowers.

I swear I will die alone

Tried out a dating site to find a man. I find men who hide under sunglasses and a hat in their profile photo or worse, their show off their naked chest. Excuse me, if you want someone to fall in love with your personality, why are you hiding it (and yes, a naked chest is hiding because they are trying to attract a superficial woman who won't deep deeper into their personality)? Even better, I keep reading profiles that are nothing but complaints about how lousy the dating site is or the women they meet are cheap whores and scammers. I have to wonder why they are on a website that is so awful. Maybe they can't figure out how to delete their profile. I do my ranting off the dating website, like here.

Even worse, this dating site recommends men I don't want. They give me smokers (I have asthma), men who don't want kids nor marriage, and men who live 1000 miles away. I swear I'm going to die alone like that scene in Bridget Jones's Diary where she is lying on the floor surrounded by cats. Hopefully someone will miss me before my cats, ferrets, and fish starve to death, but I wouldn't count on it until my absence effects someone else's day like my boss.

I'm ready to give up again. 10 years ago I tried a dating site to find an a**wipe who stiffed me on a $100 hotel deposit cause he didn't take the room that he asked me to reserve. Yeah, he drove 200 miles in a snowstorm in the middle of the night to feed his dog after our date on New Year's Eve/Day. A year later while I am dating someone else, he decides he didn't give me enough of a chance and asked me to send sexy photos of myself to help him decide whether or not he should take me on a date again. Right. I replied that after the way he treated me the past year that I believed he should be down on his knees, kissing my tushy, and begging for me to give him another chance. He didn't reply.

I swear I will die alone.

More Holidays

Celebrated ferret Boromir's 1st Birthday with a cupcake and can of tuna. Had fun shoveling the driveway from all of our snowfall. Visited the dentist after 2 years of trying to secure my job and thus, insurance, to find a new dentist (old dentist stopped their service for me when the state privatized Medicaid). Took the piece of garbage car in to change a headlight and change all 4 rotten tires. Get better traction in the snow now. Spent Valentine's Day/Ash Wednesday at work and then doing taxes for VITA. My Mom called to thank me for her Heart Pizza and brownies I had delivered to her home. It was so big she had to invite people over to help her eat it. Watched the Winter Olympics on TV, snowboarding and figure skating are my favorites. Celebrated cat Precious's 12th Birthday with a cake and tuna. Gained 3 clients at the company and lost a client due to them declaring bankruptcy. One new client demanded a sealed room to work audits for their company so we got to hear a lot of noise in the office to create one. Celebrated ferret Luthien's 2nd Birthday. She got some peanut butter she loves so much in addition to the cupcake and tuna. Cousin gave us an addition to the family, a baby boy named Charge Jamison. Missed the St. Patrick's Day parade cause it was just too cold outside to enjoy it so spent the day at home doing laundry, dishes, etc. Joined a dating site again. Tried a dating site 10 years ago and met 1 a**wipe before running out of money. I doubt I will find anyone this time either since I am cursed with attracting players with no hearts. Who wants a dork who likes ballet, skateboards, poetry, classic rock music, and animals. OMG, I'm such a nightmare to deal with. Had to use my home warranty to clear the central vacuum's filter to make it work again. Got a new bird feeder and bird bath for the yard since spring is coming. Yes, I spotted my flower bulbs I planted last fall blooming the other day, about 3 inches high now. Soon, I will be planting flower seeds next month after I hostess Easter dinner. VITA ends tomorrow with a pizza party. My animals will be so happy when I stop coming home late. Nothing else to report.

Have a wonderful Easter Sunday.

Black History Month Challenge

I once read in a newspaper where students were asked to name 20 Black Americans who are/were not athletes nor entertainers. Many could not. One high school class of mine did that challenge and I think we did make it to 20 people. Let's see how many I can name. Let the challenge begin.

1. Phyllis Wheatley: Poet who met with George Washington during the Revolutionary War.

2. Sojourner Truth: Abolitionist and Women's Suffragist who bared her breasts and gave a famous speech "Ain't I a Woman?"

3. Harriet Tubman: Conductor of the Underground Railroad and later scout, spy, and soldier in Civil War.

4. Frederick Douglass: Abolitionist who published his autobiography as a former slave.

5. Solomon Northup: Violinist who published his autobiography 12 Years a Slave.

6. 54th Massachusetts Infantry unit that inspired the film Glory.

7. Bass Reeves: Lawman out of Ft. Smith, AR who entered Indian Territory (Oklahoma) to capture fugitives and some say was the inspiration to the Lone Ranger.

8. George Washington Carver: Professor and inventor of peanut products who revolutionized they way southern farmers planted cash crops.

9. Buffalo Soldiers: Black Soldiers of the Wild West were given this name by the Indian tribes they encountered.

10. Ida Barnett-Wells: Journalist and a founder of NAACP.

11. Madam C. J. Walker: Built a beauty line empire similar to Avon/Mary Kay targeting black women's hair and skin care.

12. WEB DuBois: Author of Souls of Black Folk, professor, and a founder of NAACP.

13. Booker T. Washington: Professor who published his autobiography Up From Slavery and help build Tuskegee University.

14. Thurgood Marshall:1st black Supreme Court Justice.

15. Langston Hughes: Author of The Crisis and part of the Harlem Renaissance.

16. Wiley College Debate Team that inspired the film The Great Debaters.

17. Gwendolyn Brooks: Author of Annie Allen that won a Pulitzer Prize.

18. Zora Neale Hurston: Author of Their Eyes Were Watching God.

19. Maya Angelou: Author of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and read a poem at the inaugurations of Presidents Clinton and Obama.

20. James Baldwin: Author of Notes of a Native Son.

21. Alex Haley: Author of Roots and Autobiography of Malcolm X.

22. Toni Morrison: Author of Beloved that won a Pulitzer Prize and received Nobel Prize in Literature.

23. Alice Walker: Author of The Color Purple that won a Pulitzer Prize.

24. Tuskegee Airmen: Pilots in WWII.

25. Emmett Till: Teenager who supposedly whistled at a white woman and shortly after was murdered. His funeral and murder trial gained media attention to become a catalyst in the Civil Rights Movement.

26. Rosa Parks: The woman who refused to give up her seat to a white man that sparked the Civil Rights Movement after attending a rally in memory of Emmett Till.

27. Martin Luther King Jr.: Leader of the Civil Rights Movement and received Nobel Peace Prize.

28. Elijah Muhammad: Leader of Nation of Islam beginning in 1930's.

29. Malcolm X: Islamist preacher who published his Autobiography written by Alex Haley.

30. Jesse Jackson: Christian preacher and civil rights activist who ran for president and hostage negotiator.

31. Quincy Jones: Music producer, songwriter.

32. Spike Lee: Film director and producer.

33. Mae Jemison: 1st Black Woman in space as an astronaut.

34. Clarence Thomas: Supreme Court Justice.

35. Condoleezza Rice: 1st female black Secretary of State and National Security Advisor.

36. Colin Powell: General of US Army, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and 1st black Secretary of State.

37. Barak Obama: Senator, Author, and 1st Black President of the US.

Happy Valentine's Day

Had a good January. Slept in the New Year going to bed at 11 PM and enjoyed the day off. Then back to work hearing about about a new pay system the corporate office wants to inflict on us. Instead of raises we usually, they will pay us bonus related to how much work we produce over the budget. Which means many employees are looking for new jobs I'm sure. I call it "20 different reason not to pay us".

Drove Mom to my Dad's cousins reunion at a pizza place. Younger generations don't bother to visit people they only see once a year so the cousins have their own gathering in January.

Attended a baby shower for my cousin about to have her first child. Got to see her out-of-state sister and family plus my out-of-state aunt. My sister and niece got a stomach bug at the last minute and decided not to come, so took nephew along to visit out-of-state uncle. They played games down in the basement. Told nephew a baby shower is like a birthday party: have cake and punch, play games, and open presents. One guest was a little girl who helped my cousin open presents and then lifted her shirt up to announce that she tooted. Good to see the family again.

Started volunteering for VITA again and busy checking other people's work to make sure they entered everything in correctly. Explained to people I worked with last year about buying a new house and getting a new HRA account through my job so my tax form next next form will be different from this year.

Nothing else to report. I eat, sleep, work, and volunteer. Such as life.

Christmas Story 2017

Twas the night before Christmas and through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a toy mouse

The stockings were hung on the bookcase with care

With hopes of St Nicholas soon would be there

The cats in the kitchen and mama in bed

Eowyn, Luthien, and I slept in the basement after being fed

Visions of red toys and dangling Christmas balls

Filled my dreams of what this Christmas thing befalls

When out on the lawn there was a loud POP

I sprang from the ferret room and saw the cats lollop

Away to the window I bounced like a bunny

Then Precious and Frodo came running

The moon glowing upon the new fallen snow

Covering the mushy leaves unraked below

When what to my wondering ferret eyes should appear

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer

With a little old driver so bright red and quick

I so badly wanted give that toy a lick

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name

Now Jingles Now Jangles Now Ivy and Holly

On Snowball On Sparkle On Tinsel and Jolly

To the top of the porch to the top of the wall

Now dash away dash away dash away all

As right before the wild flurries whirled

The cats danced and us ferrets twirled

So up to the rooftop the coursers they flew

With a sleigh full of toys and St Nicholas too

And then, in an instant we heard on the roof

the scratching and pawing of each little hoof

As I drew in my head and was turning around

Santa arrived at the door in a single bound

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back

And he looked like a shoplifter opening his sack

Precious drank all the milk so Frodo got more

He ate the sugar cookies we had set on the floor

While Eowyn heated the cocoa in a tail’s wag

I took the opportunity to crawl into his bag

His face was red like a cherry as he went Ho, ho, ho

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow

The cold air his jaws held tight in his teeth

And his breath encircled his head like a wreath

He tripped over the tree light cord to fall

And the vibration shook the decorations right off the wall

His eyes were kind as he scratched my cheek

As Luthien gave him a napkin to let out a squeak

He placed the decorations back where they were

Then I heard mama beginning to stir

Santa spoke not a word, but finished his cookies

He filled up the stockings, even for us rookies

Then laying a finger aside of his nose

And giving a nod, out the door he rose

He sprang to his sleigh to his team gave a holler

And away they all flew as we furbabies got taller

But I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight

Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night

Christmas Letter 2017

Merry Christmas to all my family and friends. I spent my New Year's Eve with a lethargic ferret scared he was going to die right in my arms. Skin was all purple, not eating or drinking. New Year's Day he was more alert and drinking water so I was happy. Come Monday, he was still struggling to tinkle so off to the vet we went. Tests showed he had an infection causing bladder stones and given antibiotics. After 2 days at the vet’s office, he went into kidney failure and I brought Faramir home to die with his family. Next morning, he was still alive screaming every half hour as he got worse. I scheduled to have him euthanized in the afternoon and he died on the way there. Vet curled him up in a box and I buried him in a flower pot 3 weeks short of his 4th Birthday. Happy New Year to me.

Attended the Extended Family Christmas at a park shelter in Waukee and everyone relayed their condolences. Next, my female Beta fish Artemis died. Got a baby female fish named Hera and she died a few months later. Had a cold on Valentine’s Day so didn’t have to smell my coworkers’ flowers (Achoo!). Sent Mom a Heart shaped pizza and some brownies for her to enjoy the holiday. Volunteered for VITA (Volunteer Income Tax Assistance) for another season, my 3rd year. More of an assistant to the professor than a tax preparer, but hey, looks good on my resume. My male fish Cronus died from bloat after trying every cure on the internet. Got a baby boy fish named Helios. Celebrated cat Precious’s 11th Birthday. Healed from Faramir’s death to get another baby boy ferret named Beren that I had for 1 day. The next day he crawled under the door and made it outside in the rain. Neighbor took him to the shelter down the street. Since I just got him, I thought he was hiding under the furniture terrified of his new home. After I hadn’t seen him for a couple days and started looking him, I discovered the shelter had already adopted him out to another family. Then, female fish Gaia died after having her a year after I got her as a baby. I got a baby female fish named Eos. Took Mom to the Des Moines Ballet performing Snow White. Spent Easter at Mom’s apartment looking at pictures of my brother’s vacation during Spring Break. Celebrated cat Frodo’s 11th Birthday. Attended the Def Leppard/Poison/Tesla concert at Wells Fargo Arena. Healed from losing Beren and got another boy ferret named Boromir. This one escaped under the door to bite the neighbor who found him in the hallway to get us evicted after a week and a half after getting him.

Baby female fish Rhea died growing into her teen stage. Got a female fish named Nyx (full grown). Had a realtor friend help me for months to find me a home to keep my ferrets. Found a foster home through the Crisis program at Animal Rescue League of Iowa for the ferrets until I find us a new home so I didn’t have to face a 7 day eviction notice on my door. Spent Mother’s Day with family at Iowa Machine Shed. Took Mom and sister #1 out to the cemeteries on Memorial Day. Next, took Mom and Nephew to Lake of the Ozarks to visit my Aunt and Uncle there. Nephew enjoyed taking walks and wave runner rides with Uncle. Nephew went bonkers over his tool shed (he loves tools and machines). Enjoyed the scenery, tourist spots, and boat rides on the lake. Saw caves and state parks. Rode the wave runner and started my Christmas shopping. We had a good time. Attended a family reunion at Aunt in Omaha’s house and explained my house hunting progress. Went to Adventureland with sister #2’s family. Nearly bought a house in my hometown, but the roof was bad from the storm that recently hit and had to walk away from it when sellers refused to fix it. Spent 4th of July with sister #2's family in Urbandale and played frisbee with my nephew waiting for the fireworks. Took my Mom out for her birthday at Baker’s Square, just the two of us.

Attended my niece #4’s and nephew's first piano recital. Celebrated nephew's 13th birthday at the Taproom in downtown Des Moines. My male fish Hades died and got a male fish called Pontus. Tried to view the partial solar eclipse at work, but clouds were in the way so couldn't take very good pictures of it. Got into a car accident right before I moved and since my car was 17 years old, insurance thought cost of the repairs was more than the worth of the car so they offered a settlement. Moving day came and took Frodo to the vet. He had fleas and so did my apartment, meaning all my movers got flea bites. Spent the past 3 months getting rid of fleas I brought to the new house and they are disappearing. Got my ferrets back from foster care and my girls were so skinny I could feel their bones. Luthien took a week and Eowyn took two weeks to get back to normal. They just needed their Mom. Boromir was much bigger and happy to come home. Had a strange experience of my inoperable doorbell going off, and still goes off now that it's fixed. I think I have a ghost.

Celebrated my birthday with a family dinner at Iowa Machine Shed and unpacking my house. Cats love their backyard and want to enjoy it every day until it got cold. Bought yard tools and some flower bulbs for the first time. Planted flower seeds before on my apartment balcony, but squirrels destroyed the pots so gave up. I planted Hyacinths, Daffodils, Peonies, and Dutch Irises. I plan to buy tulips from the Pella Tulip festival next May. Some family might recognize most of those are my Mom’s flowers she had at our childhood home. Mom was sad the new house owners tore out her peonies so I got some just for her. Next spring, I should have lots of pretty flowers. After the first rain, I found leaky windows so had to seal them. Bought a used car to have it break down on the way home. Had to take the car to the shop 5 more times to fix things so far. Celebrated ferret Eowyn's 4th birthday. Was called in for Jury Duty and then cases plea bargained so was released after two and half hours. Frodo found a hole in the backyard fence so had to fix that. Watched sister #2’s cat while they went to Walt Disney World. Got ready for Halloween and it was so cold that only 9 kids came so offered candy to coworkers. Ferret Boromir celebrated his first Halloween watching me carve a pumpkin. Got yard raked and mowed with help from sister #2 and nephew, I’m ready for winter and put up those Christmas lights and displays. Spent Thanksgiving at brother’s house bringing Aunt in Omaha along for the ride to see brother’s new house for the first time. I will take Aunt in Omaha and Mom to my niece #3's college graduation, with honors. She will be a high school math teacher when she wrangles a job, probably next spring. I will host Christmas Day dinner for Mom and any family members that come. I told nephew that if enough people come over that I will cook my first turkey. Boromir will celebrate his first Christmas and loves playing in the Christmas village on the floor. And finally, will enjoy the Extended Family Christmas the Sunday after Christmas.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,

Jordan

Precious (cat)

Frodo (cat)

Eowyn (ferret)

Luthien (ferret)

Boromir (ferret)

Helios (fish)

Nyx (fish)

Eos (fish)

Pontus (fish)

Busy summer and Autumn

Sorry I haven't posted for months. Living a busy life searching for a new home (Found one and moved in 2 months ago) and trying to visit ferrets their foster home (they were happy to come home). Poor Precious cat had to go to the vet and so scared that he peed his fur and had to take carrier top off to get to him. He weighed in at 16 lbs (his max was 22 lbs) so he lost a pound since last year. Went to the local amusement park with sister's family and lost my prescription glasses on a ride and got them back the next day. Tried to train a new coworker to take over one of my projects and had to ask my manager to stop cause this person wasn't catching on. Too bad they later were let go from the job. Had tornadoes near by hometown and my Mom's hometown and luckily no fatalities. Nearly bought a house in my hometown, but the roof was bad from the storm that recently happened so had to walk away from it. Spent 4th of July with my sister's family and played frisbee with my nephew until I got tired and a kid watching fireworks nearby played with him. I had to make them stop when I kept getting hit. Finally got my raise after waiting 7 months for it and it 1.5% increase. Took my Mom out for her birthday and she brings a coupon to get one meal free.

Attended my niece and nephew's first piano recital. Celebrated nephew's 13th birthday. My Beta fish Hades died and got a new fish called Pontus. Tried to view the partial solar eclipse, but clouds were in the way so couldn't take very good pictures of it. Got into a car accident right before I moved and since my car is 17 years old, insurance thought cost of the repairs was more than the worth of the car so they offered a settlement that I have not received even though I mailed the car title a month ago. Got to drive a rental car for a month and had to pay a few weeks until my sister who was borrowing my Mom's car to replace her car to give up Mom's car so I could use it. Moving day came and took Frodo to the vet. He has fleas and so does my apartment meaning all my mover help got flea bites. Got my ferrets back and my girls were so skinny I could feel their bones. Luthien took a week and Eowyn took two weeks to get back to normal. Had a strange experience of my inoperable doorbell going off, and still goes off now that it's fixed. I think I have a ghost.

Celebrated my birthday with a family dinner at a restaurant. Discovered my phone company failed to transfer my phone to the new house and then had to get a new modem. Cats love their backyard and want to enjoy it everyday until it got cold. Bought yard tools and some flower bulbs for the first time. Planted flower seeds before, but squirrels destroyed the pots so gave up. After the first rain, I found leaky windows so had to seal them. Bought a used car to have it break down on the way home. Borrowed Mom's car until mechanic replaced the battery. Celebrated Eowyn ferret's 4th birthday. Brought fleas to new house so been spraying stuff every week, animals are now less itchy. Was called in for Jury Duty and then cases plea bargined so was released after two and half hours. Frodo cat found a hole in the backyard fence so had to fix that. Watched a friend's cat while they were on vacation. Got ready for Halloween and it was so cold that only 9 kids came so offered candy to coworkers. Got yard raked and mowed with all flower bulbs planted. Wore my Star Wars costume to work and found my manager was the only other person in my section to dress up. Boromir ferret celebrated his first Halloween watching me carve a pumpkin. Got license plates for the new car.

I believe that covers everything. Try to post more often.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all the Fathers, Stepfathers, Adoptive Fathers, Foster Fathers, Pet Fathers, any Father Figures, and Single Mothers playing the role of father too.

Yesterday attending a family reunion at my Aunt in Omaha's house. Had a good time talking about our recent vacation in the Ozarks with Aunt and Uncle. Told everybody about lack of progress in finding a new home so I can get my ferrets back (apartment landlord doesn't appreciate my love for animals). Still clinging to hope cause that is all I have. Realtor friend is talking to a seller and will inspect the house this week and she said if it's my price that I will see it first. I miss my first ferrets so much.

Nephew said I would be happier with a husband. Yeah, if I could snap my fingers and a man I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with magically appeared, I would have married him 20 years ago and have a bunch of kids and possibly grandkids by now. I guess I'm just cursed to be alone. So I get pets to fill the void.

Had a good vacation

Took a vacation to the Ozarks to visit family. Enjoyed the scenery, tourist spots, and boat rides on the lake. Saw caves and state parks. Rode a waverunner and started my Christmas shopping. Had a good time. Come home to find my cat sitter rearranged my place with their helping me pack up stuff. Cats were happy to see me and not the cat sitter. One cat has matted fur I need to comb out. Laundry and grocery shopping to refill the empty fridge will be done today. Will visit my ferrets in foster care tomorrow. I hope I find a new home this week, I want my furbabies back.

If I were to write a graduation speech

Congratulations high school or college students, I thought long and hard as to how I got the honor of standing here before you today. I'm a success. You know who I am to ask me to speak at your graduation. And my words will be forgotten as this day becomes a distant memory for you. I hope you will remember this part: It doesn't matter what you did in high school or college in grades or sports or club activities, none of that will make you a success. What does matter is what you do as an adult is what will make you a success. And life is not a success only journey. You will fail, you will work jobs you hate, you will smile at people you don't like, you will loose jobs and people you cherish, and hopefully you get back up and keep trying. Nikki Sixx once said on Twitter how amazed he was at how hard people work to get nowhere. It takes years of hard work to become an overnight success. My best advice I can give is simply to take the time to figure out what you do best and then figure out how to get paid for it. Don't believe you are done learning. New laws, new technology, and new ideas will make adults return to school. Enjoy this day because tomorrow you step into a larger world full of wonder and amazing experiences to be explored. Good luck to you all.

Clinging to hope

Sad day, the 2 houses I wanted to view this week got sold yesterday. But, received new listings from realtor friend and hopeful to see 1 house like before it gets sold. It's beautiful and spacious going by the photographs. It's in my sister's old neighborhood (she was there for over 10 years and moved b/c the school district didn't teach computers at the elementary school level). I'm so excited and crossing fingers. At one house viewing, I told my niece and nephew that if my basement was big enough I would get a pool table. I don't think they ever played pool so they must learn. I grew up with my brother's pool table in the basement (and broke the bridge when I was about 7 so had to learn weird positions to hit the ball). I taught them how to play chess once. Have to see if nephew remembers when we go on vacation. I'm visiting relatives so don't have to pay for a hotel. I know we will find things to do.

Another work day

Working hard to get work done and get hit with another baby dream. I'm getting so tired of these dreams, just wish the guy in them would just show up in my life. So anyway, dream of bringing home a newborn baby boy from the hospital. Snow is on the ground and we missed a snowstorm while I was in the hospital. Nobody is home cause kids are at school. Kind of weird in my dreams the guy has custody and ex wife gets visitation, but then again these dream stepsons are teenagers so probably pulled away emotional from mama when puberty hit. Set baby down for a nap after his lunch and my guy gets frisky. He has been so lonely since I went away to the hospital, apparently I was there for nearly a week. We have a cuddle and I enjoy the frisky attention. It was a good dream.

We are getting a new coworker next week and I'm on vacation so have to wait to meet them. I'm certain dream guy will not be my pending coworker cause my dream guy is not an accountant.

Memorial Day outing

Visited the cemeteries and saw a new tombstone for my cousin along with my aunt and uncle names next to hers my grandparents' stone. Guess family wanted a place to remember my cousin who was cremated years ago and ashes spread in another state.

Visited my furbabies in foster care waiting for me to buy a new house. I'm trying, but low cost houses are not well kept (that's why they are cheap). Looking for a low cost house I can handle. I want my furbabies back.

Had an angel decoration sitting on top of my bookcase fall to the floor. Some people think it's a sign from someone. Wonder what the message I'm suppose to receive, Angel fell from heaven to earth to be with me? Reminded me of a poem I wrote once:

My best friend gone for eternity

What will become of me

Who will hold my hand

When I can no longer stand

Where is my angel to hold me tight

I will I get through each night

My cries, no one hears

And nobody sees my tears

Where is my angel for bad and for worse

I'm a shaky boat on an unknown course

Where is my angel mama promised me

I need one now can't you see

Where is my angel before it's too late

How much longer must I wait

A hug good-bye is not enough

Moving on is very tough

Where is my angel is wipe away every tear

My angel is far from here

Got the car checked

Got off work early so took the car in for an inspection before my vacation. Don't want to break down in the middle of nowhere. Mechanic inspected everything and only changed a bulb in the turning signal. I can live with that.

Having people coming over to help pack up my stuff. I haven't bought a house yet and I have people ready to pack me up. Hope I find a good home soon, I want my ferrets back. They are safe in foster care. Foster family just took in a baby squirrel. They took video of squirrel meeting ferrets. They are scaredy ferrets.

Manager hired someone will start in a couple weeks. Still looking for more workers and said they want to interview more people before deciding on taking on anymore. The pressure is on us to make up the work lost by loosing 3 coworkers last week. We work as fast as we can.

Well, not much to report this week.

Another day, another dream

Doing my work and suddenly hear carousal music playing my head. Funny, coworkers wear headphones so never hear their music. Brush it off and the vision starts. I'm walking down the local amusement park main street shops area with the carousal playing in the background. I'm holding hands with a very handsome man and note there is a ring on my engagement hand. We are with 2 teenage boys lagging behind being goofy. My niece and nephew are there too. Niece is very attached to me since she is with new people. She grabs my other hand and nephew starts to walk funny like other boys. Niece thinks she should pick all the rides. I tell her maybe I'll win her a stuffed toy.

Next I'm at the skee ball area and present a stuffed toy to my niece. We walk away toward the food stands and meet up the boys. Some lady sees me with my man and asks how long we have been married. I say, " A week". Lady congratulates us saying we resemble an old married couple and walks away. My man comments how we have been together a month and already we look like an old married couple. I explain it's the ring, it has wedding band attached to the diamond ring. Niece asks why I said we were married a week when we got engaged a week ago. My reply, Everybody doesn't need to know everything.

And to end the dream, we leave the park and kids get along goofing around. Niece seems more comfortable around the new people.

Someone I know got scammed

It finally happened, someone I know got scammed out of a bunch of money they will never get back. Their reason: They seemed nice and insistent I give them money. Please watch out for people you care about.

Hits just keep coming

Hand off didn't go as plan. Cage was too heavy so took the lid off. Carried furbabies to car and Luthien got loose. She was under my car, then another car. Then I lost her. I screamed her name for half a hour and wouldn't come to me. Anyway, Eowyn and Boromir are with foster mother today. I was planning on cleaning for landlord's inspection, but now looking for a ferret for a hour. PS.OMG, Knock on the door and it is a woman with Luthien. She just showed up on her porch and her father the maintenance guy told her I was missing a ferret. Must have seen the shirts outside I put out so Luthien could catch my scent and find her way home. My neighbor lived across the courtyard. I offered a reward and she refused it. Apparently Luthien was filthy so she got another bath. Thank you God, I've been praying all day.

Hit with Another Curve Ball

Gave the ferrets a bath and cleaning their cage for the foster family tomorrow. I asked for help looking at houses from family and some are freaking out how I can't buy a house cause I have no what I'm doing. I never owned a house so I should not ever buy one you know. That's why I asked for advice, I know my own limitations. I don't know much about cars either and trust my mechanic to fix it for me (since it runs so I'm happy). I know this sudden, but it's a new home or dispose of the ferrets. I didn't get my ferrets to throw them away when life got hard. I got a mortgage loan, I just need the house. I got my realtor friend, my Mom, my sister, and brother-in-law looking at the next possible house. I'm sure if they have concerns, they will be voiced. My heart is breaking giving my furbabies to someone else cause we will be separated. I can visit and will get them back, but it still hurts. I just don't need extra stress of fighting with my whole family how incompetent I am in the world. I had hard times before and will have them again. The soft words of "You will survive" is what I want to hear.

Thought had time, but no

Since it has been a week since I dropped off my notice asking for patience to close on a house. Get a call today from landlord giving me 7 days to find ferrets a new home or face a 7 day eviction notice on my door. Contacted a kennel facility who will take in my ferrets for $50 a day, so $3000 for 2 months. I have a realtor friend and former work friend living 30 miles away contacting places to help me find home my ferrets are allowed to live in. Praying hard tonight they succeed. Please heavenly father let me find a new home.

PS. Former work friend talked to her friend at a shelter that has a program for people in crisis in need of shelter for their pets with intention of animals being returned. So the ferrets will be in foster care until I find a new home for us. I hope it will be soon.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers, stepmothers, adoptive mothers, foster mothers, pet mothers, mother figures, and single fathers playing the part of mother. Granted I never gave birth to any children, but why should I sit here feeling sorry for myself. My pets' Mother's Day gift was waking me up at 6:30 AM for a cuddle. Nothing like the feeling of fur against your skin. I'll take it. Gave my Mom a lawn chair for her present. She is always borrowing mine or my sister's chair when we go places so she now can stop doing that. Had a buffet lunch at Bonaza with my two sisters, our mother, 2 brother-in-laws, my aunt, my niece, and nephew. Niece and nephew were tortured with talking to their relatives instead of playing on their Kindles. Such as life. Now working on laundry. Had a good day talking to everybody.

House tours

If anyone wants to be my hero, here's your chance.

Need a new home or at least a new home for my ferrets and only 2 people lift a finger to help me. My realtor friend showed me and my Mom who is supplying half the down payment 2 houses today. Didn't really like either one, pet safety issues and narrow driveways. Never realized so many houses don't have dishwashers or showers. Realtor friend is having trouble finding a house in my price range with fencing to keep furbabies safe. I need a fence in case my cats or ferrets escape out the door, they could get hit by a car if nothing is there to stop them. Better luck next viewing.

New fish and still praying for a new home

Got a new red female Beta fish I named Nyx.

Realtor friend is still looking for a new home us. At least I got someone who cares on my side. Most people only want happy news, so naturally I don't look for comfort from them and expect them to keep their distance when I'm stressed. Some days I can't be actor for them. I know it's my fault for animals so much. Squirrels outside will eventually stop receiving peanuts. Praying for a miracle. Wish me luck.

RIP Rhea

RIP Rhea. My new red female Beta died suddenly. She wasn't even full grown yet, more like a teenager. Hope this is not a bad omen.

Sigh of Relief

Realtor friend is helping me find a new home for us. Her lender approved a loan so just need a home to move into. Explained I don't have to live in the same big city I work in, plus I grew up in a small town so I can move into a small town if the price is right. I'm flexible. I just want to keep my furbabies together. I didn't get them to throw them away when life gets hard. With my loan secured, I breathe a sigh of relief cause I have hope.

Choice between my furbabies or find a new home

It finally has happened...Four years in the making. My new baby Boromir escaped out the door and neighbor called the apartment manager. Now I must choose between finding a new home for the ferrets and finding a new home for all of us (2 cats, 3 ferrets, and 4 Beta fish). I am praying for a miracle, though with my luck miracles don't happen. Not to me anyway. I need a hero so badly. SOS.

Happy Birthday Frodo

My cat Frodo celebrated his 11th Birthday today. The old man spent half his day on my lap and the other half in the quiet guest bed (one of his favorite spots). Got him a cake and the new ferret Boromir got his first taste of frosting. He didn't like it very much. Eowyn the ferret licked the frosting like crazy (she loves it). Then the furbabies got a can of tuna (cats and ferrets like tuna). Had to chase Frodo down to get a photo cause animals hate The Flash. All in all, had a good day.

Asthma Attack

Knock, knock, knock.

I wonder who that could be.

Are you missing a white ferret? There's one under my sink.

Oh my goodness, I didn't realize one of ferrets got out.

Boromir! What are doing under the neighbor's sink? I'm so sorry ma'am.

Neighbor wondered how my furbaby got under her sink.

Took Boromir home with a scolding. He was a hungry baby. Then when it hit me how close I was to loosing Boromir after 6 days (and lost my baby ferret Beren after 1 day), my asthma started acting up and I burst into tears. I'm still shaken up by it. I was paranoid all week constantly looking for furbabies to make sure no furbaby got out. This morning Luthien and Boromir were at the door when I left for work. I swished them inside with my foot and I don't know how I missed Boromir escaping into the hallway. Thank goodness for a good neighbor. The shelter down the street hates me because each ferret I have gotten eventually escapes (Luthien is the exemption so far) making me such a horrible caretaker letting them escape into a dangerous world as if I do it on purpose. Well, Boromir is home.

Post later.

It's a Boy Again

Got a new boy ferret again. Hopefully this one will stay away from the front door. He is named Boromir and is a DEW ferret (dark-eyed white)which can mean deafness. He hasn't made a sound except for a sneeze so he might be deaf. I have a deaf uncle so not a big issue for me. I just can't call him and expect him to answer. Vibrations and hand movements will be our communication, plus reacting to the other hearing ferrets I have once they start napping together. One step at a time.

Had a good Easter

Spent my Easter Sunday in my Mom's apartment with brother's and sister's families. Brother showed photos of their vacation during spring break. Sister's kids enjoyed playing hide and seek in the hallways. Found a Bunny cake the grocery store the kids love and fought for the tushy piece with whipped frosting fluffy tail. They smeared the bunny tail on two piece of cake so they could share it. They are getting better solving their own arguments. Brought Star Wars macaroni and cheese since almost everyone loves the series in my family, wasn't much left when took home the leftovers. Well, nothing else to report.

Going to the Ballet

Taking my Mom to the ballet today. Didn't really want to go by myself and she likes those sort of things.

Wicked dream

Had a wild dream driving down the freeway that made me nervous to drive my car. I start to sweat and shake gripping the steering in hands. It's a dream I've first had 17 years ago and reoccurs once in a while, usually when driving at high speeds.

The Dream:

I'm driving down a gravel road in a car I don't recognize (black with gray interior). I just dropped off a couple girls excited about their bedroom walls being painted in a new home. The love of my life tells me he doesn't want to be married to me anymore because he is tired of dealing with my mother. I leave in tears and take off in my car. I'm punching the passenger seat and slamming my hand against the steering wheel furious at him. Then a rabbit races across the road and I jump in startlement to jerk the wheel. I skid around terrified and aim for a tree to stop the car thinking the air bag will save me. I pray "Please God let me see my kids again." to smash into the tree. Everything goes black.

I wake up lying down thinking my ribs are broken so something is poking me. Realize it's my seat belt and undo it so I can move. I open my eyes and the steering wheel had no air bag deployed. Some guy comes up and asks if I'm alright. I ask who he is. He is surprised and explains we went school together. He pulls me out of the car and I lay on the grass waiting for help to arrive. Ambulance comes and they tell me not to fall asleep. I sleep anyway and wake up to be paralyzed to hear a baby crying. Paramedic at my feet is holding the crying baby in a blanket. Another paramedic placed the baby girl on my chest. I struggled to move and manage to touch her wet hair. I have no idea where this baby came from, it wasn't in the car when I was driving furiously punching the seat.

Next I'm in a hospital room surrounded by strangers trying to get me to remember them. Few of them cry. One storms out and someone tells me not to contact her cause she is so flaky. People get concerned about the love of my life coming by with roses and I claim he takes out in a wheelchair through the courtyard. I'm told I'm imagining things and simply crazy cause he cares nothing for me

I am the master of crazy dreams.

Shorts Weather is Here

Weatherman said it would reach 75 today. So naturally had to shave my winter coat off hiding under my jeans. Quite invigorating sitting on my bed covered in lotion with silky smooth skin with the window open and all this cool air blowing in. Capri jeans were a little tight when I finally got them on. If I had a man around he would have gotten some, but alas, no man wants any from me. Or at least a man who intends to stick around after touching my silky smooth skin. Ok, I'm done grossing people out now. Have a great weekend.

RIP Gaia

Lost another female Beta. My beautiful blue girl came as a tiny baby and was growing into a lady the males were starting to notice. She will be missed.

More Dreams giving me a headache

Had the most horrible migraine this weekend to the point I was lying on my couch for most of it. Waited until today to do laundry cause I just couldn't go out into the rain to do it.

This time my dream was me breast feeding a baby wearing fuzzy blue footie pajamas so I assume it's a boy while sitting in a living room. A teenage boy who is beginning to get acne so about 13-14 enters the house to thump his things down so I assume coming home from school. I cover up. He sits in a chair across from me. He wants to hold his baby brother when I'm done. Later a taller teenage boy comes home and relaxes in a recliner to change the channel on the TV while the other boy is holding the baby. I ask the older boy if he wants a turn before I put the baby in the bassinet. His face says yes, but then he withdraws to say no. I tell him it's okay to like me and his baby brother. It may feel like an act of betrayal to like your new stepmother and the baby from her, but I won't tell anyone you boys enjoy holding the baby except maybe your father. Then a voice from the kitchen says, Tell me what. I explain the awkward situation of conflicting feelings. Naturally the handsome father wants to hold the baby too. Eventually I put the baby in the bassinet in a corner of the living room and prepare in dinner in the kitchen. Apparently I got a crockpot from a shower and love using it. That night is pulled pork. It was a nice dream.

RIP Hera

RIP Hera. My baby girl fish I got a few months ago died today. I saw her swim to her food this morning and then this evening cleaning fish tanks, she was gone. She loved looking at the male fish. She was the length of a fingernail. I don't know who thinks I'm not in enough pain, but my heart is filled with it.

Nearly lost my male baby fish when trying to net him to clean his tank. He jumped out of the tank to flop around on the table. I got him scooped up and he swims normally so hopefully nothing broke from the fall.

The Art of Losing

One Art

By Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident

the art of losing’s not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

New baby ferret gone forever

I got my new baby ferret I named Beren a week ago. Per usual he hid under the furniture with the other ferrets. Then, I couldn't smell him around anymore. Thought maybe he was absorbing the older ferrets' scent. Then getting worried from not seeing him, I looked everywhere twice. I got out the vacuum out cause animals hate it so thought I could drive him out of hiding. Finally, broke down and put up a Missing Poster for him last night. And trauma getting it printed and need to toss this printer out. I read my social media after work to see the shelter down the street's entry pop up of a baby ferret that was available and quickly adopted. I wonder if that was my missing baby ferret. Naturally, the new owners probably wouldn't give up an animal they just adopted today so I have to assume my baby ferret I lost is gone forever from my home. I hope they take good care of him. He is a sweet baby and will be loved and missed. Go ahead and yell at me for losing a pet saying it serves me right for thinking he was hiding under the furniture. Nothing anyone says can make me hurt anymore than I already feel knowing I will never see my baby ferret again. I'm sorry Beren. I'm so sorry baby Beren I didn't realize you missing sooner.

PS. I received an email from the shelter that he was found the day after I got him during the rain storm. By location where he was found and where I live, it is very likely it was my baby ferret they just adopted out. They apologized they couldn't reunite us. I thanked them for their reply to add that I pray the new adoptive family takes good care of him and he will be missed.

PSS. I've been thinking through my tears that the shelter did care for him for 6 days so I decided to make a donation for his care. It is the least I can do for them.

Work meeting

Nice. Manager asks if anyone has news in our morning huddle/meeting. I mention I got a new ferret. Everybody rolls their eyes. Ok, they got all excited about a coworker's puppy to decorate their cubicle and my ferret gets eye rolls. I bet nobody decorates my cubicle. Manager asked the name. When explained the name came from Lord of the Rings, I got more eye rolls. Sorry I didn't name my ferret after Trump's kid even though the names sound alike.

My VITA pals did me the courtesy of looking at my social media page of my new baby ferret and acted interested in this "cute" baby animal.

Can't please everyone.

Another head splitting dream

I wouldn't mind these wacky dreams so much if my head didn't hurt so much when I have them. It feels like a knife is in the center of my brain, like a migraine without the vision disturbances.

This dream starts as a fight in a living room full of children. I hurl an object at my husband and he says he is leaving before this gets worse. He walks out the door and kids are crying to yell at me for making Daddy leave. I burst in tears and go to the kitchen to prepare a snack for the kids. I try to distract the kids with watching TV. I then go the Master bedroom and cry on the bed angry with myself for having a hot temper with certain subjects. I hear footsteps and tiny fingers touch my hair. I look up and a little boy is staring at me. I tell Nicky I was sorry to hug him and tell him not to worry about Daddy, he's at the bar and will come home later in the night. I pull myself together and pick up the snack plates and cups of milk around the living room to put them in the kitchen sink. We play games and later put the kids to bed. I go to bed and fall asleep. Relive the fight and suddenly wake up to feel the bed in the darkness. Husband not there so I burst into tears. Kid is in the doorway asking if I was okay. He got up to use the bathroom and heard me crying. He goes back to bed after I hug him telling him I was sad Daddy hadn't come back yet. Go back to sleep to wake up again from reliving the fight again to start wheezing from my asthma. Feel the darkness to sense my husband is there sound asleep. I put my arm around him and say I'm sorry in case he was awake. He doesn't move or make a sound so assume he was sleeping. I wake up again and hear the shower running. The shower stops and I stretch out on the bed. Husband asks if I'm awake. I call his name. He enters the room in a brown robe and lies down beside me. He says he heard me talking in my sleep. I apologize again and agree to counseling to help with our trigger issues. Apparently he was awake when I apologized the first time. We make up as couples do and go to eat breakfast with the kids who are waking up to. I kiss husband in front the children assuring them parents can fight and make up. I love this man and want to keep him.

Hope my headache goes away now.

It's a Boy!

Stopped by the pet store for chew sticks and a new baby boy Beta fish since Cronus to find another ferret. I am ready to love again. There was several ferrets to choose from and I picked the one that spoke to me. It is a boy I named Beren from Lord of the Rings. Thought long and hard about the new boy fish name, Helios from Greek Mythology. My lady ferrets were happy to meet Beren and act like mother hens to him. He roamed around and met the vicious cats. Finally he took a nap under the TV stand. I saw him poop so waiting to see him eat so I can be assured he feels at home.

RIP Cronus

RIP Cronus. My silver white male Beta with red fins died this morning. He never would let me take his picture. He loved to hide in the plastic plant and watch the ladies. I got him already grown last year. He got The Bloat last week. Tried every cure on the internet, but can't cure dropsy. In the catnip plant now. Plan on getting another fish this weekend.

Another vision

Lying in bed drifting off to sleep and I have a vision of a white dog with a beige right ear licking my face. It reminds me of my aunt's Bolognese dogs, but fur more silky straight than curly so appears more like a Maltese dog. I had a similar dream living in my old apartment, only in that dream I was in a living room and I was petting the dog. Who knows what all these weird dreams? Friends think they could be premonitions of future events. Yeah, they tend not to actually occur so I don't think they are premonitions. I try writing them down to get them out of my head. That doesn't work. Oh well, guess I'll just enjoy the dreams since they are the only hope of a better future I have.

Happy St Patrick's Day

Today I went to work and when came home, I stopped at McD's for a Shamrock Shake. They were out. If it wasn't for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. Should have gone out for lunch, but try to keep my break short so I can leave early. Almost everybody in my office leaves early, especially on Friday.

Missed the parade, but been to two of them so I'm good. 1st parade I was in it with my coworkers and I held the banner advertising the company. 2nd time I took my niece and nephew to it. They were disappointed they got beads instead of candy (I did warn them they don't pass out much candy). But hey, they walked away with 10 bead necklaces so mission accomplished. I'm good.

Dream of a Secret Admirer

Had another wacky dream watching a movie tonight. This one caused a migraine. I'm so woozy I need to lie down. Anyway, the brief dream was receiving a bouquet of flowers at my job. The card reads "Call me and phone #". My vision is blurry so don't ask for the #. Then a larger card holds a photo of a woman in a wedding dress (Again vision is blurry so all I can make out is dark hair and a long sleeved wedding gown). Back says "Remember this?". My coworkers demand I get to the bottom of secret admirer. Call # and react as if I heard from a ghost. Secret admirer probably is one.

Happy Ferrets

Got some last night and still here today. Have happy ferrets ready to rumble and tumble in it.

Happy Dance

Got the okay from all parties involved to go on vacation this summer. I haven't been on vacation since 2004. I planned on going to Australia in 2008, then the Great Recession happened, next lost my job, and now finally getting back on my feet again. Since traveling alone is so boring, Mom said she would love to come with me to visit my faraway aunts (Dad's sisters) in OK and MO. Aunts are excited to see us since we haven't seen each other in years. Sister said she would watch my pets for me, her kids love playing with my animals. Now gotta pick a date.

Wedding dream again

Had my wedding dream again while working and got a splitting headache for it. I'm dancing in a halter top wedding dress this time (I have had another wedding dream where I wear long sleeves). I'm slow dancing with a handsome groom in a large room surrounded by tables. Music changes and we fast dance. I see 20ish and teenage guys wearing tuxedoes I don't recognize except for my nephew. I see 20ish and teenage bridesmaids in satin red dresses. I don't recognize some of the bridesmaids except for my nieces. Groom's side must have a large family, there's about 8 bridesmaids and groomsmen, plus ushers in tuxedoes. I hold a baby boy about crawling age in a tuxedo and smile for the photographer who is a woman I know from a past job. We line up to learn the hustle from the DJ. I take turns dancing with my new stepsons who are in tuxedoes while the groom dances with the bridesmaids. Since my father is gone we altered the bride and father dance a bit. My youngest niece is shy dancing with the groom, but I tell her that he is her new uncle so give him a chance to dance with her. She does. I stop dancing for a while to tend to the baby boy, he needs bottles and diaper changes. I am suspecting this baby boy is mine. Groom's mother holds the baby for while so I can return to dancing. Photographer has the baby put in my Mom's lap to get a picture. End of the night comes and anyone left tears down the decorations and trash the plastic tablecloths. Groom's mother helps me take the top cake layer to save for our 1st Anniversary and she will bring it our house tomorrow when we return from the hotel. I hug my Mom good-bye and return her pearl necklace I'm wearing. She wishes me happiness. Everything taken care, we all leave the community center and walk out onto my hometown Main Street. We drive off in the groom's car. We get to the hotel, but I'll spare the details what happens there. I'll just say it ends with us watching TV. The next day I take my bouquet to my Dad's grave since he couldn't be there to give me away (my brother give me away). It was a good dream.

You know...

You know you are pathetic when your chiropractor's receptionist tells you that they will pray for you when discussing your lack of human companion. I've been praying for over 20 years and yet to meet Mr. Wonderful. But, said thank you anyway. Few men want a dork who loves Lord of the Rings and Star Wars.

Past Men Autopsy:

There was the coworker who asked me out after I was staring at him for weeks who failed to show up for our date because he was pulled over by a cop and arrested for drugs. Then he was fired when he was caught stealing from the cash register so never saw him again. He was cute.

There was the coworker who told me after arriving for our date to never look pretty again (I had a dress and make up on). He had some baggage from his 2 ex-wives. He smoked and I have asthma so that wasn't going to work out. After a couple dates, he stopped talking to me.

There was the blind date with a smoker who wouldn't tell me anything about himself, but expected me to tell him my life story. I refused anymore dates with him.

There was the janitor who daily picked up our garbage who asked me out 4 times and I turned him down 4 times. He had a daughter close to my age and we had nothing in common. He actually gave me his phone number to call him, then got upset I never did. He died of a heart attack the same week I buried my father.

There was the married coworker whose two girlfriends left him when his wife had a baby. I reacted, "Don't look at me". Eventually he got another job.

There was the married coworker whose wife was having an affair who asked me out 4 times and I turned him down 4 times. Eventually he got fired after too many customer complaints.

There was the coworker who promised to quit smoking someday. He just hung around on my sofa and played my grandma's guitar. He then got fired and stopped talking to me. I liked him, he was fun to talk to.

There was my favorite Martian who gave me a promise ring and I like to say we were engaged for 3 weeks. I even got a Wedding Planning book. Then he broke it off cause I wasn't changing personalities and he was a big, fat liar. Pawned the promise ring for $14 (after he refused to take it back) and bought a new pair suede boots. Still have the wedding planning book covered in dust. Returning that would be giving up hope of anyone wanting to marry me.

As I tell my Mom, I just haven't found the right person yet.

Surprise for coworker

Coworker is getting a girl bull dog puppy this weekend. So while coworker was at lunch, another coworker decorated their cubicle with "It's a Girl" stuff. When they came back everybody started laughing. People walking by congratulated the coworker for their new addition.

A Wolf Dream

As I lie down in my bed drifting off to sleep I envision a spirit of a wolf in front of me. It begins to snarl and snap at me with its jaws. Finally it lunges in for the killer neck bite with its paws wrapping around my shoulders to hold me down. I know how the deer feels at this moment. Then the vision changes to me sitting in the back of a movie theater with a man having his arms wrapped around my shoulders and kissing my neck. Wish I could see his face but no, I just feel him. Then a cat jumps on the bed and paws my face. I'm back in my room again.

Wild winter

Having one heck of a winter. Rain in the morning, snow in the afternoon. Then predicted to be in 50's tomorrow so snow will be gone soon. Happy Ferrets have to enjoy the snow while they can. Ferrets love playing in the snow. They dig around and walk around with noses to the ground so they look like a snow plow. Last snowfall one ferret leaped in the air with joy and got one photo with all 4 paws off the ground. Cats hate wet paws so no enjoyment for them. Such as life.

Unchained Melody for the man who keeps appearing in dreams

Oh, my love

My darling

I hunger for your touch a long lonely time

And time goes by so slowly

And time can do so much

Are you still mine?

I need your love

I need your love

Godspeed your love to me

..........................

Lonely rivers flow to the sea to the sea

To the open arms to the sea

Lonely rivers sigh

wait for me, wait for me

I'll be coming home

Wait for me

.....................

Oh my love

My darling

I hunger for your touch a long lonely time

And time goes by so slowly

And time can do so much

Are you still mine?

I need your love

I need your love

Godspeed your love to me

Getting tired of these dreams that never come true

Funny. Just had a vison of angel fluttering its wings in front of me in my living room and in the company of a boy telling me he is coming and to wait for Daddy. Yeah, whatever. Been dreaming of giving birth since last July and have yet to meet a man to take me on date. Just another stupid dream that won't come true as usual. Please God make these dreams stop. I'm getting tired of them. I thought writing them down would make them stop, but alas, they don't stop. I'm a loss what to do. Angels in my dreams tell me to have faith and do not despair. But, that it is very hard to have faith and not despair when almost everybody abandons me whenever I simply need a friend who cares about me. I'm sure almost everybody only wants good news and hear fascinating stories of my adventures in life, then wonder why I'm silent.

Ok, I'm done ranting. Good night.

Beautiful dream

Had a beautiful dream today. I stood at an alter in a long sleeved wedding dress and handsome blond man in a tuxedo stood beside me. It was time for our wedding vows. I said:

I once met a new kid at the end of 5th grade and all girls cried, "He's so cute". You were always more than a cute face to me. You were my best friend. You stood up for me. You sat next to me when no one else would. You taught me to be strong and stand up for myself. It's your own fault I fell in love you in the 6th grade and never stopped. How can I not love you when you are so sweet to me? I know why I stand here today, because I am the one girl who asks, "What do you want?" instead of thinking only of myself. I'm the one girl who has seen your bad side, your good side, and everything in between. And I'm still here ready to commit myself to spend the rest of my life with you. Many jealous girls have told me you don't really have feelings for me. I remember you once took pictures of me and 20 other girls in bikinis for a calendar project for your photography class and the project you turned in to the teacher was all pictures of me. If that doesn't say you love me, then I don't know what would. I stand here today because I don't want to marry someone else. And I have met plenty of celebrities that would have changed my mind in an instant. But, I want to be with you. And when you're an old man with gray hair and wrinkles sitting in wheelchair alone in a nursing home, I will still love you because it was your soul I fell in love with. I promise to try to be a good wife, take care of our children, and take care of you whenever you need me to be strong. The End.

Such a lovely dream.