What is love actually?

I got my new copy of the Oprah Magazine about spending time alone. The message I got from it is loving yourself enough to take care of your own needs instead of depending on others to fulfill your needs. Being able to have strength to say, Excuse me, but I need time for myself too, is good for the soul. I believe resilence and positive self-image root from knowing we are loved. I do not mean being told we are loved, but knowing it without asking.

Staying still and alone reconnects yourself to your soul we often forget about exists inside your body. I had to explain death a my child niece when my Grandpa died. What did the preacher mean Great-Grandpa is in heaven, we just buried him in the cemetery? she asks. I explain the soul as the ghost that lives in your body and leaves it when we die. She understood a ghost. Our dreams, desires, and goals in life are the soul speaking to us, if we are listening.

I spend most of my time alone. I hear coworkers joke it's the antisocial ones you have to watch out for. I had a coworker ask me once if I ever would snap from stress and start shooting people at the airport. No, I would take the easy route and find another job if I felt that much stress. I have better things to do than plot murder. Being alone does not equate being pyscho. And I'm not antisocial.

I am not alone by choice. I just have a hard time making new friends who actually want to spend time with me outside of the workplace. The best metaphor is a child sitting in the school cafeteria eating alone. Many ask this child why he/she eats alone, but not one sits next to the child so he/she is no longer alone. That is much what my life is like.

I started volunteering because I wanted to be around people with more common interests than people at the airport. One coworker suggested working in an office cubicle so I would not have to be around impossible customers. That would drive me insane from the isolation. I feel the need to be around people as much as anyone else. I'm just content and peaceful alone. I shop alone. Go to movies alone. Eat alone. Excerise alone. Work alone (a few hours). Watch TV alone. Do laundry at my sister's to have human and feline contact so I don't feel lonely and disconnected. My friends live out of state and are pen/email pals. The only time I need to be alone is when my 4 nieces drain me from their never-ending need for attention. It is not their job to make sure I'm OK, that's my job.

Yeah, I do love myself enough to take care of myself. I know who I am, what I want, and know how to fulfill my own needs. If that sounds egotistic, let me explain my version of love is actually. I developed my version from my father who showed his love HIS way, not by conventional norms like affection, flowers, fancy dinners, and expensive gifts. Someone asked asked me how I knew my father who never hugged, kissed, or said the L-word unless I asked for it, which can get exhausting after a while, loved me. I told this friend, a devote Christian, that the answer is in the Bible silly. I even added it to my fairytale since it was my niece's confirmation verse. I altered it to shorten the verse.
Love Actually is...
Love is patient, Love is kind
Love is humble and generous
Love is calm and encouraging
Love never keeps score
Nor does Love hurt
Love is gentle, Love is honest
Love protects and trusts
Love never accuses
Nor does Love ever end.
This is how I know my distant relatives, dead relatives, and distant friends love me, and how I love myself. Post later. Bye!