What Not to Say to a Single Woman over 35 (also under too):
1. Hey Cousin, how about we break with tradition and dispense with the bridal bouquet toss. Believe it or not, it is a bit degrading to be shoved in the center next to other eager bride wannabes younger than you.
2. The word "picky". Not only is it offensive, it is inaccurate. Sure I could marry a loser my friends choose who makes me think "Go away", but then I would also be quickly back on the market after I divorce him. So please don't tell me everything that is wrong with a potential date if you wish for me to get excited about your choice for my life partner. Build him up into a god and I will be excited to meet him.
3. Don't confuse being single with being a child. This would be my mother's problem. We grown ups detest sitting at the children's table and sitting in the backseat with the baby. I can use a step stool to reach high places and can use a screwdriver and hammer. Cartoons are acceptable.
4. Please refrain from talking about how much you love Will and Grace. Being single does not equate with being gay. Other refrains from me: No details about your sex life or ask how mine is going, and also no griping all day about your husband problems unless you want me to say "You are making me glad I don't have a husband".
5. The US has a divorce rate of 65%. Sorry, but a man whose been married 3 times and has 4 children with 4 different women is not my idea of Prince Charming. Perhaps we're not suffering from fear of intimacy as much as suffering from fear of a crummy marriage.
6. You have a better chance of being shot by terrorists than making it to the altar. You don't have to rub that into my dreams.
7. Constructive criticism. It is very hard to be aloof and alluring, a librarian and a a slut, try too hard and not try hard enough. Enough said?
8. Keep hope alive of having children. I have 2 aunts in my family who never had children. One has dogs, the other has a stepdaughter. Trust me, we know how many years until menopause hits (about 20 or more for me). Also, the entire reproduction system is off limits in any conversation outside of cancer and surgery.
9. Let me tell you why a terrific gal like you is single...I never heard this one. I have heard, "When are you getting married?", plus "I don't get why you are single." If I knew the answer to that I would no longer be single, OK?
10. Compare us to characters in movies. No Fatal Attraction here, No When Harry Met Sally (my sister's favorite), No Princess Bride, No Pretty Woman (my other sister's favorite). We are happy and sad, eager and frustrated, lonely and crowded, funny and boring. We are just like married women: give us a credit card and we shop, give us chocolate and we eat, tell jokes and we laugh.
11. My own pet peeve: There is someone out there just for you. It makes me wish that Prince Charming would hurry up and drop from the sky.
12. Other pet peeve: "You need to get a man to take care of you". Or worse: "You need to marry a rich man so you can quit working". From what I hear from married women is that husbands do of lousy job taking care of their wives. Besides that, I would go insane being a housewife like my mother. I need a job.
Post later. Bye!
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