Well my idea of keeping my job and pay to shift to a supportive role didn't work. 2 days as an accounts payable assistant and 3 days night auditor was the only option cause it's not in the budget for 2 full time accountants. I can't do front desk work cause I can't stand for 8 hours from torn tendons in my ankle that is required and have ear damage so hate being on telephones. So I am going to hourly rate that they refuse to inform me the rate of and going down to part time for 2 days a week, which means at the end of the month I lose my health insurance because part time employees don't get health insurance. The general manager at my hotel explained I was inadequately trained. Yeah, whose fault was that? I did the job I was trained to do and this guy wanted someone more than what I was trained to do. Then the general manager tells me to quit and go on unemployment cause this wasn't working out. Worked my duties and talked to my fellow coworkers. I told a few people I wanted to hang myself in the garage once I got home. Naturally they told me not to, not over this. I replied I have to visit a therapist tomorrow as a condition being released from the psych ward. My roommate flipped out calling me right after I sent the message shouting at me how I am breaking his heart, my cats need me, and my family will be shattered. I think his shouting woke me out from my dark hole I keep falling into. I know, strange. I promised my roommate I would not hurt myself and I never go back on a promise. I spent the evening reading emails shaking from fighting the urge to scratch myself until I bleed. I haven't done that since my grandma died when I was 8 and her funeral was on my 9th birthday. I broke pencils and scratched myself until I bled. I managed not to scratch myself all evening and very proud of myself. Now I have to visit the therapist tomorrow. My roommate says I need one to get over my depression. Will see what happens. I have to start looking for a new job. It took me a year to find this job.
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