What!

I am at church and roommate calls wanting to come home cause everything is so expensive. I told him I don't want him to come back. Lord give me strength.

I demanded rent money from my roommate because I was having financial difficulties from not working and living off savings. Recently, I had to fix several things in my house, which drained my savings. I gave him an eviction notice on paper, demanding rent if he was to remain living here. Then my basement flooded, which they helped out with. He got a job delivering pizzas, so I extended the eviction date. October, he was to pay rent or leave. At the end of October, I asked if he was paying his rent; we agreed to $500. He chose to leave on Halloween in the afternoon. Sunday morning, while I was in Bible Study at church, he called me, wanting to come back into the house. I told him I didn't want him back. I wanted to scream obscenities. He couldn't go 24 hours without me.

Of course, later, my roommate and girlfriend showed up at my house (I planned on calling a locksmith on Monday to change the locks, so he had keys). I explained that he could pick up things he left in his room, but no rent; he must leave. We had a big fight where he told me his girlfriend has a job interview in 2 weeks, and I explained I was done supporting him and his girlfriend. He pays rent or leaves. He can get a hotel room or sleep in the car I gave him for free so he could get a job. He gave me $200 cash. Ok, he can stay two weeks since it was about half a month. Now he is changing the rent to $400, $100 per week. Apparently, they drove to another state and discovered how expensive hotel rooms and fast food are (why do you think I am going broke); they told me they were going mountains which is further away than where they went. They were going to do food delivery and travel to the country. He later apologized, saying I was right about him not helping out with paying rent when I am under financial stress. Yes, he will do yardwork or housecleaning/repairs- everything- but pay rent.

The sad part is that I was so happy when he said he planned on leaving. Then he drove away saying, "Good Luck to You, " while I was preparing to carve pumpkins. A huge weight lifted off my shoulders because I didn't have to take care of them anymore. And now he is back, and my stress and anxiety/panic attacks are hitting me again. I get so overwhelmed dealing with my house issues, chores that need to be done, etc., and I get paralyzed and can't move. I have gone a whole week without brushing my teeth or showering. Everybody I know tells me to throw the bum out, so that adds stress instead of getting emotional support. I figured out my attachment to him. He is a lot like my manipulative mother with a phony personality. So, I have a sense of being able to deal with him as I dealt with my controlling mother. I pray to God to give me strength to deal with him and everything else alone. I even asked a friend who cleans houses for a living to help organize the basement cause things got tossed around from the flooding before he came back to the house. I still plan on her coming to help me organize my house.