That was fun

Well that was fun trying to remember how to do the audit. Found new guy's directions (that I wrote) so that helped. Apparently he called in yesterday and no call today so unsure if he quit or is sick. No wonder they were so eager to hire me back. Supposedly he returns tomorrow. Had a security I had before. Guess the one working when I left was fired when caught sleeping.

Sigh of Relief

Bankruptcy Attorney finally answered me. Called to make an appointment for next week. Now have to gather my information. I worked bankrupcty auditing before so I know how this works.

Had a weird morning. I wake up to my keys on the stove and my purse is gone. As roommate's friend living here didn't know where it was. He said my roommate had it. He later asked where my roommate was cause he couldn't find him. He should be aleep in my basement. I text message roommate where he was and why did he take my purse? Friend later said he found roommate outside. Sometime after that friend brings in my purse from his car and hands it to me. I check and nothing is missing. Hours later my roommate wakes up and comes upstairs asking what am I talking about concerning my purse. He has been sleeping all night downstairs. He is furious his friend would take my purse and in the process of kicking him out of my house.

Start working at the old hotel again tonight. Less pay of course, but room to move up. Maybe I move into sales, their people keep quitting.

Anxiety Attack

Had 3 days off and spent it lying down feeling sick from anxeity attacks. Thursday morning I felt so sick I couldn't go to work. Messaged the HR person at old hotel that I don't believe I can at that hotel anymore cause my anxiety is making me sick. She rehired me on the spot. I said I could do front desk on nights I don't do the night audit. Just not the morning shift cause that would destroy my sleep cycle. I can do the afternoon shifts. I wrote out a letter of good bye to my fellow employees and returned my key card and name tag to the hotel. I pick up a garage pass from my old hotel. Naturally the finance director at hotel was disappointed cause he needed my help (accounting should be a 2 person department). Start working tomorrow night. My anxiety went away too. Tried messaging more bankrutcy attorneys.

Finally a job

I got a job at the old hotel as night auditor. I said I could do both part time jobs until I get a full time job again. Sure I'll I will stick around with the general manager who wants me to quit just to spite him. Now if my anxiety would calm down cause I felt sick all day night. Been sending messages to bankruptcy lawyers and employment lawyers. They are not answering me. Start reworking the at the old hotel on Monday.

Just give me a job please

Old hotel job is dragging their feet rehiring me. Called the Assistant General Manager and I have to meet the Task Force General Manager before they can rehire me offically. who knows when I will meet this guy. I applied for unemployment for the 5th time in my time. Thanks to the governor I have to take workshops every week. Yeah, I already know how to do a resume, interview, and use a computer. Last workshop I did for unemployment was for resume writing and complete waste of my time.

On a plus side, I got out my Halloween decorations. Roommate was so happy, he loves Halloween. Buddy and roommate returned home from their fast food job wasted. Roommate said they plan to move into another country and take up farming, then open a restaurant, then become millionaires. He said I can be the secretary of their house cleaning business. Yes, I am an accountant and could handle that.

Visitor Dog is Gone

Mother of the dog owner came by to pick her up at last (been waiting 6 months for this moment when I said the dog could stay for a week). I petted her goodbye and grabbed all her things. I even let her keep a squeaky bunny toy she liked that I gave my ferrets for Easter. Cats don't play with it. Sure it was nice to take her on walks and practice training her with treats, but also a headache taking her out to potty when roommate wasn't home. She kept escaping the yard via the holes in the fence and whenever I went out the front door cuase the outer door doesn't shut all the way. Last night she escaped out the front door when I took out garbage and she came back half hour scratching at the door. Cats were terrified of her. She was a friendly dog, but they reacted with hisses and growls which made her respond with barking. It was stressful keeping them apart and keeping the dog in the kennel all the time cause she kept pooping on the floor (even right after taking her outside). The last 2 walks around the local lake trail I went by myself to have some peace. I bring her and she wants everyone to pet her and sniff every dog so had to hold her back a lot. Plus the 2nd miles wore her out so had to rest after the 1st mile. Hopefully my cat Misty who has been living under the couch since the visitor dog's arrival will start pooping in the litterbox again instead of under the end table where the ferrets use to do their business on newspapers. Bit sad, bit relief.

In other news, roommate's buddy started his first day at the fast food place. He got his buddy a job there so doing less food delivery. Roommate got called in on his day off to work because two employees walked out so they both went to work at the same time. Hope the job works out for them.

Demotion starts Monday

Going to 2 days a week starting next week for less pay per hour. General Manager told me again to quit and go on unemployment cause I would make more money on unemployment than working 2 days a week. Yeah, I can still work my 2 days a week while on unemployment too. I've been thorugh unemployment 4 times so I know how this works.

They let me go early cause ran out of work for me to do. Stopped by the old hotel and spoke with the assistant general manager. He only has a 2 day night auditor job available for me. They just hired a bunch of new people so he has to wait and see how the new people will work out since they are still in training. I said I could do that and still work at the other hotel. 4 days a week is better than 2 days. He said he will call me on Monday to explain what they can do for me. Went home for a few hours to pet my cats. Returned for happy hour to explain this might be my last Friday visit because I might be working here again next week. The HR person was driving the shuttle (when did that start) and happy to see me. Front Desk Supervisor would be happy to have me back so he can stop working the night audit. They have a bunch of task force people working there since they fired the general manager so will have to wait and see what happens.

Hope restored

Applied for a job thorugh the wants ads at my old hotel. The HR person answered back they would be happy to have me back. Good to be appreciated. Called them and they said they have to speak to the assistant general manager first. I said I was open the job description. Waiting for the call.

Return after a cold night

After a cold night in the tent, roommate and buddy return as I was leaving for work. He said they will stay here a few days. I said that was fine. Buddy had been hanging around for weeks so I am used to him being around. Quiet kid, at least around me. They play video games together. Roommate said his fast food job is going well. Not too many ladies chasing him at this place. He said that was a bit of a relief cause he's not in the mood to flirt.

New roommate

Roommate informed that his car buddy he had been doing food delivery with is getting kicked out of his grandparents' house and forced to live in his car. He said they were going to sleep in the tent I gave him this summer until they have enough money for thier own apartment or rental house. They will use his car to get to roommate's fast food job and the food delivery thing. Naturally roommate will keep his stuff at my place and visit often. Naturally I will be taking care of the pets alone. He will take the pets when they get their own place.

Still have backlog

Funny. Yesterday, Mr. Finance Director asked me to work all 5 days next week instead of my demoted 2 days. Of course I said, I need the money. And if the general manager is so itchy to get rid of me, I will stay just to spite him. I checked my work work website where we ask for days off and I am still at my current salary. Will see when that changes. They never told me my new hourly rate.

Friday at last

I had a surreal day at work. General Manager is now getting the mail and distributing it instead of accounting. OK, whatever. Mr. Finance Director was given access to the Sales department system. Funny I was never granted that access. Earlier this week Mr. Director took my safe key under "due diligence" cause the petty cash was short, which happened during my trainer's possession of the key and I had no idea how much was supposed to be in the petty cash. But hey, I don't have to deal with the general manager demanding a spreadsheet to explain why the cash count is off. Though, we get paid extra for bank runs so I get to miss out on $40 next month. He is also doing the morning revenue reconcilation so I just go through my emails and print invoices. The general manager is constantly stopping by Mr. Director's office to discuss things. Better him than me. I verified and charged our group events. Mr. Director decided he will verify the group event charges in the future and I just send the bills. Ok, whatever. He can handle fixing all the front desk mistakes that is one of my stressors. Yeah, you are helping me by entering banquet event charges into the system, but they are also giving me extra work fixing their screw ups. He ordered some paper and staples for the office. Funny, I was never given that access either. He also said the corporate office didn't like me using petty cash for office supplies, it only should go to pay for wood going to the grill. Excuse me? They won't give me a business credit card and they won't provide me with logins to direct bill things from companies, or tell me where to place orders. How else do they expect me to buy highlighters and Sharpie pens?

Then the end of the day comes and Mr. Director asks me to work the full 5 days next week to catch up instead of 2. We have a backlog caused by my 3 day absence. Of course, I said yes cause I need the money. I even checked the work website where we get paystubs and ask for days off. I am still listed under my salary and not changed to a new part time wage yet. Have to check on Monday to see if they change it. I applied for jobs but no answer yet. I was looking for part time extra money gigs, but now have to switch to full time job searching cause of the general manager wants me gone.

Went to my weekly visit to the old job hotel and had my free drinks with their happy hour. Got half price chicken tenders. Explained why I wasn't there last Friday (I was on my way to a psych ward) to visit them. They were supportive saying it was terrible that work demoted me after going to the hospital. I told them my roommate got a new job at a fast food place and he is so much happier than when sitting on the couch all day playing video games. He is still doing food delivery with his friend with a car. He is teaching him to drive too. Not having a driver's license really hurts his job prospects. Old supervisor was ready for me to come back, but I can't afford what they were willing to pay last time I was there and I hated working the overnight shift. Then came home to relax.

Therapist Day

Yesterday my new director asked if I would be in today. Of course, unless I've been fired and don't know it. He thought with all that was going on that I might suddenly quit and not come in. Nope, I need money. I have a ton of debt and now with the medical bills I have to declare bankruptcy. I'm squeezing the most money out of these people before going down to 2 days a week next week. Director went to a dentist appointment and I went to my therapist appointment. But first my roommate needed to be let into the house cause he can't find his key. Spoke to 3 people in the office about my issues. Everybody was nice and have to come back later for a check up. Then went back to work.

Go ahead and kick me while I'm down

Well my idea of keeping my job and pay to shift to a supportive role didn't work. 2 days as an accounts payable assistant and 3 days night auditor was the only option cause it's not in the budget for 2 full time accountants. I can't do front desk work cause I can't stand for 8 hours from torn tendons in my ankle that is required and have ear damage so hate being on telephones. So I am going to hourly rate that they refuse to inform me the rate of and going down to part time for 2 days a week, which means at the end of the month I lose my health insurance because part time employees don't get health insurance. The general manager at my hotel explained I was inadequately trained. Yeah, whose fault was that? I did the job I was trained to do and this guy wanted someone more than what I was trained to do. Then the general manager tells me to quit and go on unemployment cause this wasn't working out. Worked my duties and talked to my fellow coworkers. I told a few people I wanted to hang myself in the garage once I got home. Naturally they told me not to, not over this. I replied I have to visit a therapist tomorrow as a condition being released from the psych ward. My roommate flipped out calling me right after I sent the message shouting at me how I am breaking his heart, my cats need me, and my family will be shattered. I think his shouting woke me out from my dark hole I keep falling into. I know, strange. I promised my roommate I would not hurt myself and I never go back on a promise. I spent the evening reading emails shaking from fighting the urge to scratch myself until I bleed. I haven't done that since my grandma died when I was 8 and her funeral was on my 9th birthday. I broke pencils and scratched myself until I bled. I managed not to scratch myself all evening and very proud of myself. Now I have to visit the therapist tomorrow. My roommate says I need one to get over my depression. Will see what happens. I have to start looking for a new job. It took me a year to find this job.

Bad to worse

Arrived at work to people happy to see me. They all thought I had Covid since I said I was in the ICU. I said I had a panic attack, went to a psych ward, and given anxiety medication so I will be very calm, but to a few I confess my 88 pills that I swallowed trying to commit suicide. I showed my roommate the bottle and he counted what was left to figure out I took 88 pills. He then took them from me. General Manager calls me into his office. He explains my predecessor is back and I am going down to 2 days a week as accounts payable and the other 3 days as a night auditor. My great fear of losing my job has come true. I meet my predecessor and we walk around the block talking about what happened to me. The rest of the day I spend with my replacement learning new things I was never taught. Now I have to find a new job. Pronto! I'm hopeful I can convince them to let me stay at my salary job and just shift into a supportive role for the Director of Finance.

Activity day

It is finally group activity day and I am hopefully leaving. We played Scategories, had a talk about emotions, and then another recognizing angry responses. I saw a new doctor and had a good talk. She is letting me leave. They just have to come up with a post-facility outpatient plan. They have me call my roommate to get the insurance card information and I later call him to say when I am coming home. Visit a social worker. I have an appointment with a therapist and have anxiety medication to pick up. Late in the afternoon I finally get to come home. And the doors are locked. I have to wait for my roommate to come home to open the door. He is out food delivering with his friend who has a car. He had a job interview at a fast food place at the time I was leaving in arranged transportation. We hug and I said he could stay for as long as he wants no matter what anyone says. I confess I had been mean to him and apologized. I have lied to him, insulted him, and embarassed him in front of his friends. I looked down on him and pushed him away. I've also been hiding sexual fantasies about him which made him beg for some booty. He got it. He leaves for more food deliveries.

Starting to move

This morning my back was hurting from the hard bed and started stretching. I am starting to become more aware of things and able to move more. I did my ballet warm up exercises and the nurses caught me during their checks. They ask me every few hours if I want to kill myself or harm others. Of course not (I want to throw myself out of a window to leave this place but can't tell them that). See the doctor again. Then stay in bed all day and come out for meals. I have no idea what day of the week it is but they say I might be able to go home tomorrow.

I want to go home

I wake up to a tight chest and explain to the nurses the hospital gave me Zoloft the last time that happened. Nurse checks my vitals and my heart is racing but everything is normal. They deduce the anxiety and give a Zoloft. Nurse brings papers to sign for admission since I couldn't last night. I am threatened with a court order that starts Monday if I don't sign Voluntarily committing myself to their care. I made a line on the paper cause I still can't sign my name. Spend the whole day in bed and only come out for meals. I don't like being held against my will. Meet the doctor on the way back from breakfast. We had a good talk. Nurses are very nice here and change regularly. They seem to assume I'm a homeless and jobless drug addict. Perhaps most people who come into psych wards are. I explain that I own a house, have a job, and not on drugs.

Turn of events

Wake up with hope I will be released after visiting the psychiatrist and finish my work this afternoon. The lady comes by and we talk. She says I am not ready to go home and go back to the job that I nearly committed suicide over. I have to go to a psych ward for 3-5 days. I am terrified of losing my job missing so much work. I only get 5 days of paid time off. I ask my roommate to call work that I will be a away 3-5 days. My chest gets tight and can hardly breathe. The psychiatrist says it's anxiety cause I am scared of what happens next. They have 2 women inspect me for bruises all over my naked body because I am going to a psych ward. I get picked up in a car and taken out of town to some facility in the late afternoon. I can feel things but still fuzzy brained. I tell the nurse I don't know what day of the week it is or what time it is. They have me change clothes and again inspect my naked body for bruises. Good thing I am half numb and fizzy brained. They ask if I felt doped and I said no. They tell me I am there Voluntarily and ask me to sign papers. I can barely move and can't sign my name. I object that I am here Voluntarily when the hospital sent me here. I tell them I want to go home. They won't let me go home until a doctor discharges me. Spend my first night in a psych ward. The bed is hard and food is terrible.

In the ICU

Today I stayed in bed all day and getting up to go to the toilet. I get help cause they don't want me to fall. They finally let me eat in the afternoon. The doctor I met in the ER came by to check how I was doing and recognized him. I start to feel again so aspirin is wearing off. I manage to call work and apologize for not coming the day before. I explained I had a medical emergency and in the ICU. I was told I might get released tomorrow and come to work in the afternoon. The people watching me at all times change and I have no idea what day of the week it is or even what time it is. Don't want to watch TV so they play 80's music for me. A social worker comes to visit me. They move me out of ICU and into P4 which I guess is internal medicine area. There the babysitters are gone and a video camera monitors me. They also have an alarm on the bed in case I try to get up.

First time in an ambulance

I woke up to my alarm going off. Thinking it was Saturday I thought I could sleep in today. Phone rings and messages are left. My ears are still ringing so can't hear much of what they say. I stumble around trying to drink water and milk plus a few crackers. I finally relax on another sofa next to the couch covered in vomit. In the afternoon, my roommate and his friend come home to ask what happened to the couch. I'm in a daze and explain my ears are blown so I couldn't hear him. He hollers out asking why my ears are blown. I explained I swallowed a bunch of aspirin. He asked how many and I said over 80 pills. He asked why I did that and I replied to kill myself. He is furious screaming at me how I am his best friend and why did I do that. He calls an ambulance. I can't get up so they help me get outside. Had my first ambulance ride. I can barely speak. They ask what I took and when. Then they ask why. They hook me up to a heart monitor and IVs. They have someone in my room all the time. They mostly play on their phone. After several hours, I'm getting hungry but they don't let me eat. They move me to the ICU and I spend my first night there. My roommate came by and I apologize for freaking him out. I don't want him to call my family. They will take it harder than he did. He gives me a hug and some clothes for when I get released. They check on me every four hours and draw blood from. I'm so numb and ears still ringing, I just lie still.

Mental Breakdown

Overload of work brought on by missing Labor Day so trying to catch up to everything. General Manager comes to me stating we will work our accounts receivables first thing in the morning. Ok, I have other things I need to work on, like finishing the end of the month reporting I have to complete in the next two days. I go home and roommate is spending the night with a friend. I let the dog roam the house. I become greatly disturbed of my general manager who needs to back off and let me do my job. I do what I was trained to do and what I have access to. I grow emotionally numb to the point I grab a bottle of aspirin. I check online what the lethal dose is. I swallow pills 5-10 at at time over the course of 2 hours. My ears start ringing. I grow very sleepy. My heart is pounding probably from the pills that were for migraines so they have aspirin and caffeine. I start puking all over the couch and can barely move. I keep separating the cats from the dog until I can't get up. My sister called about moving Mom into a nursing home and asking if I wanted anything from her apartment. I couldn't hear much what she said and just replied I was sleepy. I didn't have the heart to tell her I hopefully was dying soon. Saw my guardian angel in the living room and prayed that if the angel wanted me to die to please let me die, if they wanted me to live, then let me live. I am leaving my life into their hands. It's not that I wanted to die, I want the nonstop suffering to stop. I felt the effects of the caffeine wear off after several hours. I got up to go to bed.

Happy Birthday to Meeeeeee!!!!!

Morning of my birthday began strange. Get up and start putting away the dishes. Roommate also wakes up along with his friend. Roommate says he can't make it to my family birthday party cause he and friend with a car are going to do food deliveries with DoorDash and Uber Eats. But he wants to take me out for my birhtday later. Before he leaves, he needs a pick me up so he stands besides me to clean bong pipe. Apparently he has been high for a week. Yes, he has a Gatorade bottle bong with water in it. He gives a demonstartion outside of him using the bong with marijuana. I never have seen a bong before so this an unexpected exeperince. You can guess that I don't have many friends, especially not drug addicts. I told him I didn't realize he was such a drug addict. He replies he is not a drug addict, he just loves marijuana and willing to try any drug his addict friends offer. In fact, a few days ago at a party he tried cocaine. He said it made his nose numb so he didn't like it. OK, thank you for sharing that with me. Both of leave to go our separate ways.

Go to a local restuarant to meet my family for my birthday dinner. Disappoint my family when I explain my roommate is not coming and it is a good thing they didn't view him high as a kite. My famuly tend to think illegal drugs are stupid and think I should throw out my roommate. Finish our meals and head for brother's house. They made me angel food cake for my birthday. Take pictures and sister plays birthday songs on her phone. I get out my phone and play the Beatles Birthday to do a dance for my family. After a while, came home to migraine so laid next to my cat Bilbo for four hours. Once the headache subsided, I let the dog out outside to pee. Roommate returned and we go out to the hotel we used to work at for dinner. I order a Blue Hawaiin and chicken tneders. Roommate brought a beer bottle with him and left it outside to drink while waiting for our food. He ordered a cheesecake. Bartender gets mad they had a beer bottle outside when they are underage (and drinking alcohol in public). Well roommate forgot his debit card and hotel doesn't take Apple Pay, he wired me money and I gave him the cash I got from my Mom for my birthday. Even exchange. My food and drink were free cause it's my birthday. He wanted to buy me dinner so he was a little disappointed. But he needs his money to pay off his court fines.

Now back home and getting ready for bed cause I have to work tomorrow. Gotta pay the bills. I even applied for part time jobs to make extra since roommate is never paying rent I asked for 3 months ago. He says he has to pay the court fines off before he pays me rent, then he lost his jobs. Hopefully he can make money with this food delivery.

Enjoyed the beach

Labor Day weekend so enjoyed the beach one last time. Yesterday I did my walk around the lake trail. In another month, it will be too cold to do that. Tomorrow is my 48th Birthday and it's Labor Day. I plan on going to a restaurant for lunch with family. Since it's Labor Day, restaurants wll probably close early so can't do supper.

Pipe burst at the hotel

Enjoying my lunch break and hear rain, in my basement office. Figure a pipe burst, I look out out the door and yes, we have waterfall in the basement hallway coming within inches of my office door. Engineers came over with garbage cans to catch the water.

After 2 hours, they got the water shut off and the repair guy that came could start making repairs. Hot water was turned off for 3 hours for the whole hotel. The service elevator nearby was shut off but the other elevators were still going. I was leaving by the time the housekeeping crew came in the office with a shopvac to clean up the water in the carpet.