Disappointment

Roommate got a phone call from his Dad as I was doing the dishes. I tried the common on internet baking soda and vinegar mix unclog drain solution and then rinse cycle. Will see if it acutally works. I have no money for a plumber nor new dishwasher. I can't spend money until I save enough to pay my mortgage and student loan next week. Plus I bought a new printer this week cause old one won't turn on. I still have yet to set it up. I am either sleeping or working. I was washing dishes by hand. He told his Dad he had a phone interview and waiting to here from the manager to do the in person interview. He told me he had a job. Application and phone interview are not a job offer. I heard him say his ex girlfirend has a new girlfriend so he was discarded. Most of the conversation I ignored while listening to my IHeart radio music to give him privacy. Bilbo has been reactling snappy when petting him when I get near his hips. Catfight injury or arthritis, I don't know. Roommate has some back issues and thinking of visiting a chiropractor. It's a holiday weekend so offices won't be open for a few days.

More adventure

Did laundry today and putting my clothes away, I notice a Christmas sweatshirt missing. Roommate cracking jokes asks what is wrong since I am not laughing. I can't figure out where it is. Wore it just before Christmas so has to be in my dirty laundry baskets, but it's not here. He starts looking around and I try to remember last time I saw it. Then he thinks I'm blaming him for it. No, I don't beleive he went through my dirty laundry and stole my sweatshirt. Why would want a fat lady's sweatshirt decorated for Christmas? After 15 minutes of searching the house, I finally recall removing clothes and laying them on the floor to sort the light and dark colors. Roommate rushed to the laundry room and found the sweatshirt on the floor. I had to comfort him and assure that I was not accusing him of tealing my sweatshirt. It was more like lying your phone and can't recall where you put it.

Roommate had good news. He got a job at a gas station. He has been complaining my dishwasher doesn't clean very well and thinks it's clogged. Use my new drain snakes, but I need a new dishwasher or a plumber. I can afford neither. Have to go to work and can't deal with it right now. Supervisor said the hotel was considering hiring a part time person in accounting. I thought for a moment and replied I didn't want to work with the accountant. Very antisocial person. She walks by with her down as if she is trying to be invisible to me. They also said the new sales coordinator looks at their phone a lot and has a bad attitude. Yeah, they hired this person instead because they had experience. Supervisor doesn't think they will last very long.

Happy Roommate

Come home this morning to a happy roommate cause he broke up with his girlfriend again. He got tired of being ignored. Then his car buddy shows up in the driveway. I thought they weren't friends anymore. No, he just pushed him away a bit. OK, whatever he says. Went to bed.

Woke up and decided I need to start exercing again. I know I put on weight since I stopped walking around Gray's Lake. I suck in my stomach and lose 3 inches. Did some light exercise in my pj's cause I din't want to overdo it to make my muscles ache. I need to tone my muscles. Wish me luck.

Interesting perspective

I once received a lecture from roommate how lucky I am so why am I so depressed. I have a house, a car, a job, and pets. It's lot more than he or his homeless junkie friends have. Ok, he is talking about material possessions that spent 20 years earning, plus the car my Mom bought and she gave me the down payment for my house. I am struggling to pay bills and groceries. He can't hold a job more than 4 months so I end up supporting him, his pets, and his homeless friends he invites over to help them (when actually he is not helping them when I pay the mortgage, the car gas, electric, water, and food they eat). Then I am forced to declare bankruptcy cause my retirement savings is almost gone and can't make the minimum payments on my credit cards to stay afloat plus have medical bills from my suicide attempt I can't pay. He can't figure out why I don't just smoke some weed or take CBD gummies and just be happy. My problems are not going away being high all day and guest what, the happy doesn't last so people need another hit to keep them going which is how addiction starts. He cannot outrun his emotions he avoids and his problem with finding then keeping a job doesn't go away either when the high goes away. I'm dealing with my problems instead of avoiding them. It's called adulthood. I am stressed out and unraveling at the seams, and it never ends. That's why I am depressed. Material possessions have little to with my happiness.

Donating Blood

Roommate in badly need of money to pay court fines and needs weed so he decides to donate plasma. He is feeling guilty drinking up my juice to leave none for me when I am paying for all the food and drinks we have. I have to drive him over cause he broke up with car buddy. He dwells in the idea of selling drugs for money, but he don't want to go to jail. I point out he can send me to jail too since I let him live here and he can ruin his future. Oh, he knows how to not get caught. Yes, that is why he is on probation. I left him at the blood donation center and went grocery shopping since he will be there 2 hours, plus need a new printer. Get a call and answer it thinking it was my roommate saying to come back. No, it's a bill collector. They thank me for answering the phone and tell me I owe $800. I explain I am driving a car and hang up on them. Finish my shopping and go home. I put away the groceries and leave to pick him up. He calls when I am a couple blocks away to pick him up. He is cold and hungry.

He got $100 on a debit card he has to set up first before using the money. No cash payments. His chest is hurting and babbles on how I live in the nice part of the hood where people don't get shot in their driveway. He is also faint since he hasn't eaten today. I haven't eaten either. We get home and he wants sex again. This time he mentions how he wishes I would ask for it. Ok, I am cooking a pizza for him to eat. I am taking down the Christmas village so he can eat at the dining room table again. Kitchen table is not enough space with cat food containers on it. I explain I don't ask for it because he has a girlfriend so he should be loyal to her and shouldn't be screwing around with me when he is emotionally stressed. Yeah, he defends his girlfriend won't talk to him or come over. He thinks she has cheated on him to justify this ignoring him. Yeah, she has a job but doens't work all the time. He finally got her new number after he sent a Christmas message to her brother to give her thinking her phone was lost. Her brother was unhappy to relay his message to her. I finally give in to the sex running out of excuses, but after pizza that will be done in 9 minutes. Well, slice up the pizza and he changes his mind not feeling well and very tired so have to take a raincheck. I lived 30 years without sex so don't expect me to beg for it from him. He said it would nice if I wore skirts and bend over to show my pussy. Yeah, that is not happening. I'm not a hooker nor stripper.

He also asked a week ago to get a pet snake. Snakes need heat lamps that raise my electric bill and dangerous to our pets if escapes. Plus they can get into drains and pipes in the house. Plus, they eat rodents so can't get another ferret and who is is taking care of this pet. Exotic vets are hard to find and I perfer not to go buy frozen rodents to feed this pet of his. He couldn't handle 2 kittens covered in fleas and needing deworming, how is he going to handle a snake. I and my sister bought them kitten food, milk, and smaller bowls for them and he gives them away to girlfriend to keep. I feed his cat my cats' food. I said he could have a lizard or turtle less likely to eat a ferret or fit into a drain since all my stoppers are broken. He asked about the heat lamp they would need too. Ok, no reptlies. I wonder if he is testing my limits on kindness and gets mad when he finds one. A couple weeks before the split with his friend, he said he was going to turn my shed into a forge and sell metal objects. He took my only shed key so I will be buying bolt cutters when he loses it.

He even complained about the food I keep buying, lots of carbohydrates and no protein. I have to buy cheap food, hamburger and chicken he wants is $8 per package and can't afford to spend that much. He needs to keep his miserable jobs to help me out. I worked plenty of jobs I hated and done them for years. Though a few I quit rather quickly, but had a job waiting for me so I still had money.

Christmas Surprise

Received a surprise package for roommate on the front stoop. A grocery sack of old junk. He knows it was from his car buddy he just split up with. He says he is a bad influence by being a lover of meth, liquor, and cigarettes. Roommate has to vape cause nobody is around to buy cigarettes. He drank up the liquor car buddy gave him so mostly sober nlow aching for weed but dealing with it by vaping THC. I swear this guy would smoke weed every day of his life and yet he says he is not an addict cause he doesn't need it, he wants it to be happy. Yeah, that is the defintion of addiction. Car buddy left nothing for me even though I let him live in my house for weeks and offered my Christmas treats if he came to my hotel. He never came. I texted Merry Christmas to him and replied wishing me a Merry Christmas too.

Had a interview set up for today. Printer wouldn't work so no paper resume to give interviewer. Hope they don't hold that against me. Followed Google Maps directions and there is a road closed in front of the music store I am interviewing at. I can't find another road to get to the music store that is not closed off. Have to go home in defeat. Get home to email my apology for not being able to attend the interview and there is already an email from the interviewer stating the position has been filled. I emailed back explaining I tried to get to the interview on time and couldn't get to the music store cause of the blocked road. Have to keep trying.

Merry Christmas

Worked the overnight shift and came home in the morning. Packed car for sister's house visit. Fed cats and gave them catnip. Opened presents from Santa and lit Advent wreath Christmas Day candle. Then slept a few hours. Woke up to have roommate open his and his cat's Santa gifts. Went over to sister's house and had mid-afternoon lunch. Others had a cookie and pie snack I brought. Next we opened gifts. I thought we were having a cookie exchange but I got presents, a set of hand soap, lotion, and body spray of a brand I didn't have enough money to buy on Black Friday. Not a complete set since I didn't get shower gel, but close enough. Then we played Whoville monopoly. Nephew won. Next we watched A Christmas Story on TV. When that ended we left so I could turn on my outdoor lights for the neighbors.

Unload the car and roommate wants sex. I was too tired and wanted to watch Meet Me in St Louis before I went to bed. We had sex just the other day and about 3 times last week. I am sorry his girlfriend won't visit, but my vagina needs a rest. Put in the movie and I fall asleep. I lit my Advent candles to burn them down cause they are getting low. I wake up to find a pine cone attached to the wreath on fire, which sets off the smoke alarm. Roommate rushed upstairs to ask what was going on. We got the fire out and a burn mark on my cabinet is permanent. Finish watching the movie and go to bed.

In bed, I recite my Christmas prayer that never gets answered.

Dear Heavenly Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I ask once again on Christmas Day to hear my prayer. I don't know what I did to deserve my miserable life. I am trying to understand why blessings from you feel more like curses. Is 13 years of struggling and poverty not enough. Must I continue my suffering for whatever reason. All I ever wanted was a career, a family, and a dog. All 3 have been denied to me. I have reached menopause and will never have a child. I am trying to understand why you you don't want me to have children to leave the world a better place. I know, adopt, but it isn't the same. Now I ask once more to just let me be happy. Let me get out of this overwhelming debt. Let me find a husband to share my life with. Help me afford to adopt a dog or ferrets or another cat. That is all I ask of you. Help me be happy again. Amen.

Happy Christmas Eve

Came home from work and drove roommate to visit his girlfriend working the drive through of a coffee shop. I donated my baked treats and a candy cane for her gift from my roommate. He wrote a poem for her. As I went to bed, roommate said he will start cleaning the house. I have not done much cleaning the past 3 years since I started working overnight shifts. Feels like working 6 days a week and exhausting. Plus nobody comes over anymore so there's no point to it. I wake up and roommate is sleeping on the couch with a song about getting wasted playing on repeat.

I watch The Nutcracker on YouTube as I read my emails. I discovered it is raining so can't turn on the lights outside. There's a button on the outlet that does prevents this. Baked more cookies for our gift exchange tomorrow and roommate wakes up. He asks for something from his room for his sore back. I discovered my closet doors have a bunch of knives and holes in them. Ask what he did to my doors. The sliders for doors broke so he used them for target practice. Once I get done baking cookies, I watch Jack Frost from 1979 on my phone in my room. Roommate is playing a game on the living room TV.

Go to work using an umbrella. Pro wrestling is here. Don't know any of their names but get excited about looking at tall, buff men.

Happy Festivus

Today I wrapped Santa gifts and put them out of cat reach. I don't put them under the tree cause cats lkke to chew on the paper.

Today's Adventures

Come home from work where I discovered we are selling liquor in the gift shop. And nobody said anything so had to call supervisors at midnight to ask how much to charge for the bottles. Roommate is constantly burping. Asked what he drank. A cup of Crown Royal he got from car buddy. Ah, he's drunk. He even fell down in the hallway. He managed get up by himself. Went to bed and wished him luck on his call with his probation officer today. He cussed so I knew he forgot about that.

Wake up to go shopping for catnip and treats for cats' Santa gifts. Got a tweeting bird with the nip and gravy treat bags. Joined 2 cat photo contests. I need money. Read emails and set up a job interview for Tuesday at a music store. Asked roommate how his text messages with probation officer went. He's not off to jail yet so went well. He asked the true meaning of Christmas. I replied it the celebration of the birth of Jesus. He said thank you.

While reading my emails, roommate informed me his unfriended his car buddy from social media. This guy likes every post and a top reader of his profile. I sense this guy wants to be close to my roommate, but roommate feels suffocated to push him away. Car buddy doesn't take it well. He messages my roommate's friends, including me, to give him messages since he is blocked. Now roommate wondered how to get no contact order cause now he feels harassed. I tell him I thought he was breaking his friend's heart (car buddy had a crush on my roommate and I think he just cured this guy's crush on him). He came over the other day to get the rest of things with a friend. Two months ago these guys were going to start a business and move into an apartment together. I think friendship is over now.

Cupcakes are Frosted

Made more frosting and got the cake decorating bag out to finish the cupcakes. Then sprinkled color sugar on top. No more baking. Roommate is meditating and gettign close with God while waiting for his girlfriend. SHe has yet to appear since she said she was coming over 3 days ago. Now watching Christmas movies.

Roommate never heard from the interview manager. He said he went to the interview high cause he needed a pick me up. And he wonders why people don't hire him. And yeah, sometimes he needs a pick me up and goes to work high. I told him maybe he should go on interveiws sober.

Treats from Security Guard

Security guard (or rather his professional baker girlfriend) gave me treats for Christmas. A peanut butter chocolate ball, a plain ginger snap, a decorated gingerbread girl, and almond bark pretzel.

Later, security guard reported water all over the laundry room from a leaking washer. We have electrical cords down there so had the displeasure of calling the general manager who lives at the hotel in the middle of the night. He went down there and said he hadn't seen anything like it. Had the security guard take the vaccum cleaners out of the puddle and said he would call engineering. Might need the washer machine repair guy to come. Or buy a new one. Yikes.

Frosted the cookies tonight. Then I realized I forgot about the cupcakes. Work on those tomorrow. Then no more baking this year.

Happy Pink Candle Sunday (aka Gaudete/Rejoice Sunday)

Thank you a**wipes who tossed shiny silver confetti in the pool to celebrate someone's birthday. I had the security guard with a net trying to grab it all out. He got what he could and stopped. Left a note for engineering cause that might clog the filters and might have to close the pool.

Gingerbread men and ladies are done. Tomorrow get to frost all the cookies and my pink moscato cupcakes. Then no more baking for a while. Unless I rebake something cause I ate too much. Have 2 Christmas dinners. One on Christmas Day with sister and brother, plus our Mom and Aunt. Exteneded family Christmas on New Year's Eve with sister and nieces in Nebraksa, aunts and uncles, and cousins.

Cat Manners

Sigh. Rushing to get ready for work and get can cat food out. Bilbo cat won't come out from under the covers. Visitor cat Lily starts eating and hear Bilbo rustling around. Last time I just let Lily eat saying "All is fair in love and war". Bilbo later refused to eat after Lily when he finally came out. So tonight I removed the covers and gave that cat turd dinner in bed so he would eat. When he was finished, I put it back on the floor for Lily and Misty to eat off of. Cat manners (dominant cats eat first).

Roomate who gave his ex girlfriend his kittens when they got worms and told her she could keep them to make her feel better about him having her cat Lily. Well, she told him she broke up with her new man and gave them to her ex boyfriend sho stole ex from Roommate. He was furious this guy who was his friend stole his girl now had his kittens. He says he wants his kttens back but doesn't know where he is.

No Prize for Me

Got the results of the 2nd round of the Baking contest I entered. I was 16th place and ony 15 move on with the contest. At least I tried. People call me crazy to find more money to pay of my debt. I'm desperate and on the edge of declaring bankruptcy. Yes, bankruptcy will destroy my financial well being, but then it was already destroyed since I lost my job in 2010 and been in a downward spiral ever since.

Christmas Baking

Got the sugar cookies made. Need to bake gingerbread cookies and then get everything frosted. Since roommate's frosting was very lumpy and thick from the old powdered sugar so better sift it next time. 10 more baking days until Christmas.

Happy Birthday to Roommate

Got home in the morning from work and roommate asked me to wake him to get ready for his interview at a car wash so I stayed awake writing on a new story instead of hopping into bed. He asked me to take him to his interview too, but I would get no sleep today if I did. He asked his car buddy to take him so I could sleep. After I woke up, I took him to my hotel so he could have free cheesecake (they give free food for birthdays and anniversaries) and I bought a pizza. He loves their cheesecake. He didn't say much to his former coworkers and disappeared to sit outside in the cold. I told them he went out to smoke and a little embarrassed they saw him with bloodshot eyez from being high. Next year he turns 21 and can sit at the bar. We went home and he called his family. I asked what his family thought of him living with me. He said they were surprised he was so lucky.

Well, he said after his family abandoned him in a hotel room, he slept under bridges and nearly froze to death. He went days without eating. The sun rising in the morning warmed him up after a cold night. He said joggers ran past him and a child with her mom pointed him out stating she thought that man looked cold and the mom told her to keep walking. He realized nobody is going to help him. He said he had sex with a homeless prostitute to keep warm one night. She didn't charge him cause he was cute. He worked at a fast food place until he got a security job at my hotel and moved into a hotel room with a coworker who was sleeping in his truck. Then he stole his coworker's girlfriend and forced to move in with career criminals next door until he lost his job and got kicked out. He stayed with friends until he was kicked out. He called me cause he had no place to go. I offered once my place to crash when I found out he was homeless living under a bridge until he moved in with his coworker. He was barely out of school and hardly any work experience to get a good job. Now he is living with me dreaming about getting his driver's permit to get a license so many jobs require and maybe go to college to be a mechanical engineer. He wanted to earn money to visit his family and was told not to come. Yeah, he's lucky people like him and care about him.

No Show, No Call

Girlfriend who was set to bring my roommate Mary Jane today never showed up. Big Surprise. Roommate was so excited to see her too. Since tomorrow is his birthday, I baked a cake for him. I took it to work and he dropped by, but people he knew weren't there. I got plates and silverware for the cake, but nobody wanted a piece. He was with his friends at a hotel all night. Birthday started at midnight. They gave him a bottle of wine and a Galileo thermometer. He said his friend did food delivery for hours to buy that wine. His other friend didn't have money to buy him a present so she gave him something she already owned and knew he liked it. He was so touched so many people care about him.

Ring around the Rosy Drama

Roommate's latest ex girlfriend came by with her sister and baby niece to pick up her stuff from my house. He asked for a few dollars sent to his online wallet to give her gas money. Of course I sent it. Apparently he now feels guilty for breaking up with her so they are back on again. She has been going through issues and someone had her phone to block roommate from talking to her. She was running away from her abusive ex and is done with him. Then he talks about red flags he sees and says he doesn't know what to do. I told him not to feel guilty because he didn't know what was going on when he broke up with her when she wasn't communicating. Tomorrow she returns with weed and roommate is so excited. Then he realized one of his air pistol pellets hit his glass bong and it's broken. I told him he can use one of the plastic bottles he has laying around my house. Then his stocking I bought arrived and he loves it. Next he left to go food delivering with his car buddy he threw out a few days ago. I guess they made up a little.

Interesting conversations

Ask the front desk person if they met the new sales coordinator they hired instead of me. Yes. I replied, Let me guess what they are like cause sales directors keep hiring the same person. She is blonde, age 20, no experience and/or no brain, and has a sparkling personality who will leave in 4 months when they can't handle the actual job. They said they were not blonde and had no hotel experience. They think She won't last 30 days.

A guest asked for cups for tea packets in the gift shop. We were out so offered to send some to their room. No, they will just get Gatorade cause their room doesn't have hot water. OK, guess they don't know how to heat water in the micowave or with the coffee pot (who says you have to put a coffee packet in the pot).

Went to make sugar cookies with my cookie dough in the fridge and I can't find my rolling pin. Looked all over the kitchen cupboards in case roommate put it away not knowing where things go. A cookie sheet is missing too, though I think roomamate might have ruined it and threw it away. Have to buy a new one before I can make cookies. Then gotta work on roommate's birthday cake. He turns 20 in 3 days. I ordered a Christmas stocking for him since he doesn't have one in my house. It has the Grinch with Max. I hope he likes it. He says he likes Grinch That Stole Christmas.

Cat fight and a wet bed

Watched Die Hard with roommate since we have the house back to just us again. I always have a heart attack looking at the gas price in the scen where the cop at the gas station looks at the building. Go to work and return home to have my roommate inform me of a major cat fight occurring around 4 AM. He showed me his scratches from the separatling the cats. Poor Bilbo was shut into my room and hiding under my covers. He came out for his treats and his tail was wet. Realized getting into bed that there is a wet spot. Bilbo peed in my bed and there was poop by the window. Sigh. Had to sleep trying to avoid the wet spot and then washed the sheets and blanket with vinegar.

Christmas Letter 2023

Merry Christmas to all my family and friends,

Spent New Year’s Eve with family having our extended family Christmas. Then went to work at my hotel job as the night auditor. I knew it was midnight when heard people screaming in the lobby. Soon I was training the new front desk manager in the night audit. She spent the night texting on her phone when I was trying to show her how to do the night reports. Then suddenly, she completely stopped showing up for work and they fired her after three days. No more training. Made Heart Wreaths for Valentine’s Day. I made gnomes from red, pink, and white yarn too. I got a new mold to make heart wax melts and added Strawberry Rose as a new scent in my collection. Got a new roommate when an old coworker (security guard at the hotel I work at) needed a place to crash. I picked him up at work to offer the guest room until he got back onto his feet again. He is a good cook and helps fix things.

Saw Niece #3 visiting the States from South Korea. She gives kids English lessons. Celebrated ferret Boromir’s 6th Birthday with cupcakes. Celebrated Valentine’s Day by making a heart cake for my coworkers. Celebrated ferret Luthien’s 7th Birthday with cupcakes. I made a leprechaun gnome for St. Patrick’s Day. Had to shut down my Etsy shop from lack of sales. My Square shop has a free subscription option to try to keep that going. Got accepted into a new farmer’s market this summer but had to decline it after going into credit counseling and could no longer afford it. I was hoping a different market would yield better results. I lost my ferret Boromir while at work when he fell down the stairs. He was wrestling with Bilbo and got knocked off to tumble down the stairs. I wrapped Boromir in a towel and went back to work. We think he died from internal injuries. At least my roommate was there when he died so he wasn’t alone. Poor ferret Luthien took to sleeping in Boromir’s spots. She missed him. Did a live reading of my Easter book and made a video to put up on YouTube. Didn’t make any Easter items after losing Boromir, started credit counseling, and searched for a new job. My creativity gave me no joy. I was planning to make spring wreaths and gnomes with supplies I bought. Soon I was asked to take in my roommate’s friend’s cat and dog for a while. Bilbo and Misty don’t like the new visitors. Poor dog was soon terrified of my cats when she was just being friendly.

Added the doggo to the Easter Bunny Trap story this year. My last one since my niece and nephew are grown up now. I had no carrots nor carrot cake to use as bait, so ferret Luthien used a banana. Cat Misty looked up on the internet if rabbits like bananas. They do. They set the trap and the Bunny rings the bell tied to a string when he grabs the banana. Doggo chased the Bunny out the door and the Bunny left the string on his foot on the fence. Luthien, Bilbo, and Misty were disappointed they didn’t get the chance to take more chocolate eggs out of his basket. All they got was their own basket from the Bunny he dropped as he ran out the door. For the summer I added the wax fragrance Ocean Breeze to the shop collection. Also created a Sugar Plum scent for Christmas.

After a year of searching, I landed a new job as an accounting clerk at another hotel. Arrived on my first day and I was introduced as Accounting Manager. That would explain the salary I was offered. Started walking around Gray’s Lake this summer. Attended nephew Lukas’s high school graduation. He is going to college to learn forensic science. Celebrated my brother’s birthday at his house. Visited Dad at the cemetery on Father’s Day. Had to work on Memorial Day so couldn’t visit cemeteries with my family. June 8th, I started my new job. Since I was on salary, I enjoyed the 4th of July with my family. We celebrated Mom’s birthday, and my roommate came along to meet my family. RAGBRAI came to Des Moines and met a few bikers in the service elevator. I could hear the music in Water Works Park from my house. I lost poor ferret Luthien. I came home from picking my roommate up from his job and found Luthien curled up as if she was sleeping. I petted her and realized she was cold and stiff. My roommate and I were up past midnight burying her in the backyard. A few days later I went to the local amusement park to celebrate my brother-in-law’s birthday. Missed my nephew’s birthday party cause I was working. Dropped by later to give him his card and he was working. Ran into Presidential Candidate Nikki Haley while I ran through the lobby to pay a kitchen delivery guy. I asked to shake her hand. I had to be professional. My hotel hosted all the candidates here for the Iowa State Fair. Didn’t run into any others. Deleted my ferret social media pages where I sold my merchandise online and started new pages promoting just the merchandise.

My roommate went on a camping trip with his work buddy, and I got to take care of the dog. Started taking her for walks around the neighborhood and Gray’s Lake. She even started to bark that she hadn’t done since she arrived. Usually, she just whined and whimpered. I don’t know if it’s the neighbor dogs barking, or if she felt safe in my house that she found her bark again. Then started applying for jobs cause the new general manager at my hotel was driving me crazy. He gave a honey-do-list every day as if I was his secretary instead of an accounting manager. This man had a great deal of trouble understanding my job description. He asked me to do things I couldn’t do because I didn’t have access or training in those tasks he wanted done. Taking the dog out to Gray’s Lake became a great de-stressor for me. Celebrated my 48th birthday, which was also Labor Day and I didn’t have to work, with family and then my roommate. Family lunch was at Pizza Ranch and then cake at my brother's house while roommate took me for birthday dinner at my old hotel restaurant.

Soon after I came to work to find I had been replaced by the Director of Finance that I had replaced 4 months before. I am demoted to part time which means I lose my insurance. I asked my old hotel for a job to leave a general manager who told me to my face on 2 different days to quit and go on unemployment because I was inadequately trained, and this wasn’t working out. The sales director mentioned looking for help and I emailed him to apply to receive no answer. I spent a year applying and interviewing to get this job and I didn’t want to quit after 4 months, but the general manager wants me to disappear. Managed to get my old hotel night auditor job back for less pay than I was making before I quit. Nice way to welcome me back. Met the new managers and directors from the manager exodus during the summer. The visitor dog left to return to her family. Hopefully they take good care of her since she is such a sweet dog. I petted her good-bye and grabbed her things. I let her have one of the ferret toys of an Easter Rabbit that she loves to squeak. Visited with a bankruptcy attorney and received a packet to fill out. Now must stop paying on credit cards complete all the steps to declaring bankruptcy. New general manager at the hotel let us dress up for Halloween that was a work appropriate attire. I wore a suit and tall striped hat with make up to be the female version of Cat in the Hat. Celebrated Bilbo and Misty’s 5th Birthday with catnip and cake. Celebrated Niece #4’s 20th Birthday at sister’s house with cake and ice cream. Got Thanksgiving and Black Friday off so spent it with my family. Took Niece #4 out shopping on Black Friday. It’s amazing how stores open 5-6 AM instead of competing to be 1st store open pre-Covid. Spent 3 days putting up my Christmas decorations and then helped Mom put her decorations up. Soon started baking English toffee, fudge, cupcakes, and cookies.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,

Jordan

Bilbo and Misty

Strike another friend from the house

Doing my laundry and roommate's car buddy came home. Roommate commented car buddy was drunk. Roommate next is upset he just got a call from his friend that car buddy showed up at their house while they were having their visitation with their kid and were embarrassed. This starts a 3-hour long fight all over the house and somehow my name gets getting brought up. Roommate goes on how much his friend drinks, the bad friends he has brought to my house, he's been on drugs since age 13, been in this state while his family is in another state for 3 years, and now after living with me who has done so much for him, he dreams of going to college. He wants to give up the drugs cause it brought him nothing but trouble and dysfunctional addict friends. You have no idea how proud of him I am at this moment. He tries to help his friends but finds out they are just using him (which is why he broke up with his last girlfriend when she ignored him for weeks and then asked him for money). Roommate kicks out car buddy. Car buddy asks me to stay here since I own the house and promised to pay rent. I reply that he can stay the night cause I am not tossing out someone at 8:00 at night to sleep on the sidewalk (or his car). But beyond that it is my roommate's decision since he is the one who begged me to let him move in. Car buddy starts packing up his stuff into his car sniffling as if he was crying. I asked if he will be okay and he replied he didn't know. He tells me to inform my roommate he can find a new ride. I relay the message and roommate enters the room upset with his car buddy again. I having been driving him around before car buddy arrived and can do it again. He still wants to be friends and hang out playing video games, he just needs space from him for a while. Car buddy leaves. Then roommate wants sex. I'm doing laundry and have to get ready for work in an hour, plus he just kicked out his friend. I'm not having sex with him right now. Perhaps after I get home in the morning.

Good deed of the day

Went over to Mom's apartment to put up her decorations for her. Arrive and Mom doesn't want me to put up anything. She wants me to take everything home. She bought a small topiary tree already decorated and doesn't need anything else out cause she doesn't have room for it. I see plenty of room for her decorations. It is time for her assisted living supper. I tell her to go eat her supper. Sometimes you just have to tell people to stop arguing with you and just say thank you. I put out the decorations and she returns happy. Yeah, she did have plenty of room. Turns out she didn't have the energy and flexibility to sit her Nativity scene and Christmas Village on the floor. That's why I was there and it's our tradition for me to put put out her decorations for her. Though I bumped her plant searching for a electrical socket to plug in the extension cord. I put the plant back and picked up as much dirt I could find, but I am sure it's going to die. Nurses came by with her laundry then her pills. The 2nd one got a broom to sweep up the dirt. Helped Mom put away her laundry and then said my good-byes.

Having a Good Heart

In all my misery and heartaches compiled with disappointment, I still find myself donating the last dollar in my purse to the Salvation Army red kettle and preparing treat boxes for the vet, chiropractor, mechanic, and mail carrier. I don't have to, but my kindness is something not even bad luck can take away from me. And this is also probably why I don't have friends, people feel guilty I give when they don't. Then with others, when I do stop giving when going broke, they throw a hissy fit how they won't give me anything if I stop giving them stuff. I can't win.

1st Advent Sunday

Watched my childhood church's service on the computer (in another town too far drive) and lit my first Advent wreath candle. Today I start my baking. Fudge and English Toffee tonight on the stovetop. Pink Moscato Cupcakes and drop peanut butter cookies with Hershey Kiss on top next. Then roll out gingerbread people and sugar cookies last. And nobody will give me a chance as an event planner or hotel Christmas decorator. Oh well, keep applying for jobs.

Then roommate mentioned he didn't work at the fast food place anymore. He spilled oil on the floor and manager made him stay until 3 AM cleaning it up. So he quit. Sigh, 3 jobs in 1 year does not look good to prospective employers. At least he does food delivery with his friend who practically moved in too.

Baking Ingredients Sale

Earlier this week I went grocery shopping and got depressed looking at all the baking ingredients knowing I have to save money and can't go beserk with Christmas baking this year. Well Hy-Vee has a baking sale this weekend so I shopped for ingredients (and only got what I needed). So will be baking my Pink Moscato cupcakes my coworkers love and family don't eat. Plus gingerbread people, sugar, and peanut butter with Hershey Kiss cookies. Then English Toffee and fudge. No almond bark pretzels this year, I had to cut something.

Disappointment is par for my life

Checked the status of my application for sales coordinator at my hotel. I was not selected. Huge surprise. Old sales director rejected me last year so why should the new director be different. Just keep applying at other places cause this hotel management team will never let me leave night audit hell. I also found out I was rejected in setting up the Christmas decorations around the hotel. My supervisor will be doing it. Another kick in the teeth is just another day in the adventures of being me.

Advent Calendar

Happy December 1. We all can start working on the Advent Calendar now. My niece got me a Buy 1 Get 1 Free chocolate Advent calendar on Black Friday. She kept one and gave the other to me. Such a sweet girl. She once wanted all my family to exchange gifts on Christmas. This Sunday I will light my first Advent candle.

There is a reason we don't exchange gifts. I have a cheap brother who doesn't want to buy anything for anybody and only does it out of obligation. Then one (I have 2) sister who wanted extragent gifts nobody in family can afford. One year she demanded we all buy her a $400 mixer she wanted, so $100 from each sibling (3) and our parents (1). Then she got mad we refused to do that. For my part, I didn't have $100 to give her and gave her a $20 gift card to the store she wanted the buy the mixer from. Later she asked us not to buy her anything cause she hated our cheap gifts and then got mad she she received no presents to unwrap on Christmas Day (she unwrapped the cat's present). Then more arguments when she gave us a list of things to buy her children and threw a hissy fit if we decided to buy something else. My argument was "It's my money and I will decide how I spend it on gifts". Then the climax of this fighting. I lost my job and announced no presents that year (I made the same announcement this year in light of my pending bankruptcy filing). Family threw a conniption fit cause what will they say to their children (Your children hate my cheap gifts not on their wish list so I doubt they will feel unloved from it). Brother was happy not to buy presents for any of us even though he makes the most money and not dependent on our mother for rent money, gas, and food. I affirmed that I announced that "I" am broke and our mother should not be responsible for buying gifts for me to hand out to others. They can do whatever they want. My sister put my name on a couple gifts she bought so my niece and nephew didn't know about my announcement until years later when it got brought in a conversation. Thereafter, we just bought gifts for the nieces and nephew plus our parents, then added great-nieces, but not exchange gifts between us siblings.

Trim the tree

A family member who opened their own gift shop over a year ago decided to close the shop. They weren't getting enough sales to go on. Instead of making profits from Black Fridy and Holiday Shopping, they are having a store closing sale. Very sad when they donated clothes after a tornado hit the county next door last year. Such nice people and doing videos modeling clothes and new items. Their kids got into the videos. But all their efforts didn't yield enough results. They didn't mention what they will do now. Please remember small mom and pop shops need customers as much as corporate owned big stores. You may be the difference between presents under their family Christmas tree and none.

I got out all the Christmas decorations and roommate said it was a lot. I'm 48 and been building my collection over the years. My sister says I overcompensate for having my decorations stolen when first moved out on my own. The storage unit got broken into and my box of Christmas decorations was stolen. Made a police report, but how do I value homemade and garage sale bought items. They left behind my mini tree and Halloween decorations. Under the Halloween stuff I later found a shoe box of ornaments and made me relieved not all my dead grandma's crafted ornaments weren't stolen. I told my roommate with all the lighted decor that I can walk aroudn the house without turining on a single house light. Merry Christmas!

Joined a baking contest with photos of my cakes. Friends have to vote for the winner. Yeah, that means I won't win. I have 200 social media friends and when I enter these types of contests I get about 5 votes. I doubt I win this one either. With friends and family like mine, who needs enemies.

Happy Black Friday

Met my niece for Black Friday shopping at the mall. I had no intention of buying anything since I am broke and not buying presents for anyone this year. My sister and I agreed to a cookie exchange instead of gifts. Who knows how many relatives will want to join us. One store they had Buy 3 and Get 3 Free so we combined our cash together to find we didnt have enough. They didn't have smaller versions of the soaps, lotions, and body sprays so we had to leave them behind in the store. I did get a pair of pj bottoms with Hello Kitty. That store had a Buy 1 and Get 2nd Half Off so my niece's shirt was half off. She used her memeber discount points to get another dollar off. We had a good time.

Three Wishes

If I had 3 wishes for Christmas, I would wish for:

A husband. I finally hit menopause so will never have a family I always wanted.

A better paying job sitting at a desk. I hate my night auditor job and tried 3 years to leave it. I did for 4 months and back to a job I hate again, only for less money and loose my insurance. Finally got my insurance back yesterday. I hope the sales director makes a decision soon. I need to to declare bankruptcy soon. My credit already has taken a nosedive.

A ferret or dog. I miss my ferrets even though they pooped all over the house. I wanted a dog since childhood and roommate dog was okay, but made me itch. Plus cats kept attacking it when cuddled with me. I would get a smaller breed.

Happy Thanksgiving

Had Thanksgiving dinner at sister's house. Picked up Mom at new place and got lost finding my way back to the car. Then got lost in residential street maze trying to find the main road. Arrived at sister's house and my French Silk Pie was mush, even fridge didn't stiffen it. Oh well. Announced to family I can't buy presents from declaring bankruptcy so we agreed to have a cookie exchange. Sister will do sugar cookies and I will do peanut butter cookies with Hershey kiss. Sister-in-law who always wants to host Thanksgiving is in the hospital so brother and her didn't attend. Niece and I plan to Black Friday shop after lunch when less busy. I was amazed stores are opening at 5 or 6 AM instead of midnight or 9 PM on Thanksgiving evening. Pre-Covid stores competed to be 1st store open. I did 12AM to 8AM as a cashier for a retail store one year. I still have Christmas phobia when people get out decorations before Thanksgiving. Well, Happy Thanksgiving.

Busy Saturday night

Some people I don't get. Saturday night is always busy and the corporate front desk helper left me alone with the new gal who will shadow me a few hours. She has no training on our computer and still going through her video training yet. Excuse me, me working a busy night alone and losing my mine is not a good time shadow me. I sent her to work on her video training. She is useless on the front desk computer unless her training is finished. I told the guy arriving after me to clock in cause I needed him. Eventually it slowed down when people went to bed. Then lost internet connection for an hour and major assclown telling me to try harder to check in his family. I can't do anything when the front desk system is down, we don't do paper back up like I did at the Holiday Inn. What part of my computer is down was confusing for him. He even told me all hotels have an emergency room on hold for such an occasion. I never heard of that. We do have emergency keys, but don't know what is vacant without the computer. I even offered another hotel room that we would pay for. First they accepted it, then after I call the hotel and arrange the rooms, he refused to leave the lobby. So computer came back up I had to call the hotel to tell them weren't coming. Earlier I sent someone over cause hotel overbooked us on certain type of room so I knew they had rooms.

Want ads surprise

Oh my, looking through want ads and my old hotel was looking for a sales coordinator to act as secretary to sales and the general manager making revenue. Wait, that was my job as accounting manager. Awh, do they miss their glorified secretary who made more money than the sales coordinator will. I'm tempted to apply just to make them jump viewing my name.

Happy Birthday Niece

Niece #4 celebrated her 20th birthday with cake and ice cream. She made it from scratch. A little dense and dry but it was cake. I gave her $5 cause that was all that was in my wallet. I'm broke. I told her she is no longer a teenager anymore. That seemed to hit her like a surprise.

Happy 5th Birthday Bilbo and Misty

Got a cake for the kitties and took their photos. I ate the chocolate cake and they got catnip. I bought Fancy Feast puree treats and they refused to eat them. Bummer.

Heaven help me, Christmas is here

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!

Oh, heaven help me my hotel started getting the decorations out. Anxiety Attack has begun. Those are not the Leonid falling stars in the night sky, but anxiety exploding everywhere.

Head advisor

Oh my, have you every met someone so terrified to stand up for themselves. I mean totally full of anxiety and always worried they upset a manager. They currently are going through a lot with their family (her grandma died and her house where family lives is in foreclosure). I give plenty hugs reassuring they are a good person and they don't deserve to be treated badly by managers. I even tried to get them a job at the front desk, but they got shot down cause they are needed to drive the shuttle (and the supervisors can't stand her no matter how hard she tries to please them). Sigh. I told maybe she needs to get a job at another hotel like I did cause nobody is going to promote you if they can't find your replacement. I applied for sale coordinator last year and shot down immediately cause I am needed to do the night audit (nobody wants to work that job). So I applied for jobs elsewhere and found an accounting manager job. Granted I was there only 4 months before returning from not getting along with the general manager (I got along well with everyone else). Now that they have a new night auditor maybe I can get into the sales department this time. X fingers. I hope my friend can do the same. She applied for banquets and housekeeping to be shot down. They need her driving the shuttle. Sigh.

Anxiety has been triggered

OMG, neighbors are putting up their Christmas lights.

I know the drill, breathe and remember I don't work retail anymore.

My sympathy to all those who are working retail and hate Christmas.

Interview with Sales Director

Had my interview with the sales director. It went well like a conversation. Xing fingers and praying hard. Seems like a really nice person with high energy. She came as task force and said she was staying. She said she worked here 10 years ago. Ah, well then you know the front desk supervisors. She did. I was the first interview and have others a chance to apply so hope for the best.

Thank you for training me

I hate it when people insistly shove food in my face. I am a very picky eater and what most people love I can't stand. I can only cope by pretending I like their food so they will stop trying so hard to please me. It's exhausting.

Finishing the training of the new night auditor. He is so insecure after 2 months of training with our supervisors. Not very tech savvy and had to explain how to download a form to their desktop and add a website to their favorites. He bought a pizza I didn't like so a different day he bought another. I also didn't care for it and took it home for roommate to eat, but I said I liked it so he will stop buying me pizza. He just wanted to thank for my training that is more patient than our supervisors. Just doing my job.

He kinda gets on my nerves. How do say politely say "Quit yapping with guests and security and get the night audit done"? I swear this new auditor never shuts up. I even told them they need to be more assertive and stop ringing up gift shop purchases of guests and start the night audit. Say they are running the audit so we can only accept cash payments or room charges. Write down on paper the cash purchases and write down the room charges to enter them later. No credit card authorizations and no checking in people until night audit is ran. Believe me, Fridays and Saturdays are very busy when people leave the bars and want snacks when return to the hotel. You can't wait until they stop coming cause that can be a long wait. Once the drunks are in bed, the early risers with 6 AM flights start leaving at 4 AM. If the audit isn't done, the records will show they checked out yesterday giving them a free night cause they haven't been charged for the current evening unless you physically add the night's charge when you check them out. Then the breakfast help arrive 4-5 AM and need to know how many guests to cook for. They can't wait all night to get the audit done.

Today was my sister-in-law's birthday and I had to work so couldn't come by for cake and ice cream.

Clouds lift

Saw a sales position at my hotel so applied. It 's more of a secretary to the Sales Department sales managers. New Director of Sales replied wanting to interview me. I haven't met them them yet and only heard the old sales director left along with the Catering Manager. Trying to set up a time to meet. Wish me luck.

Saw my first Christmas commercial on TV today. Oh my goodness, my anxiety is triggered and I haven't worked retail for 10 years. If you worked in retail for 8 years listening to Christmas music from September to December 25, sleep during Thanksgiving with your family to work Black Friday all night, and handle customers screaming in your face how their Christmas MUST BE PERFECT!!! when you don't have what they want, you would have Christmas Phobia too. My phobia subsides after Thanksgiving and I enjoy it more.

Happy Halloween

Had Beggars Night (Oct 30 in my city) and 16 kids came to collect candy. 2nd hour, 2 cars full of kids came by. Roommate was ready to eat all the candy. Roommate cooking chicken on a pan full of oil started a grease fire and put it out with one of my dish towels, which got burned. Smoke alarms went off again. At least no kids came up to the door. Work said we can wear work friendly costumes so went to work dressed as Cat in the Hat (female version).

Halloween night finally came and did the Bloody Mary in my bathroom. Didn't see a damn thing other than shadows on my face to resemble a black skull. Disappointed. I guess spirits are telling me I'm never getting married. Bummer. Roommate's girlfriend came by. I work tonight so they will have the whole house to themselves. Roommate has been complaining how he lives without sex for weeks. I lived 30 years without sex so he don't get much sympathy from me. He yelled at me to snap out of my depression cause he is trying so hard to run this house while I am in a depressed stupor. He needs help cleaning the house, doing dishes, and doing laundry, and when was I planning on doing the yard work? It's hard doing everything himself and take care of me. Yeah, now he knows what it is like to take care of him when he was unemployed and playing video games all day, plus inviting his homeless jumkie friends and girlfiend over to eat my food and drive up my water bill. Yeah, it is hard to do everything by yourself. That's why my house is so dirty and dishes/laundry piling up. My house has not been cleaned much in 3 years since I started working overnight shifts. It feels like I get 1 full day off a week and it is exhausting. And I tried to get a day job to get more free time to get things done and lost it after 4 months. Now I'm back working a job I absolutely hate and can't leave cause nobody else wants to do it (including me). Last night I wore a witch hat as I worked. Tonight back to normal clothes.

Happy Halloween

Morning Excitment

Today's adventure was roommate and I cooking pancakes, eggs, and bacon. With all the smoke in the kitchen, we set off the smoke alarm when my food was almost done. Last pieces on the stove got overcooked while opening windows and doors. Then we discover one door knob is broken so he replaces it. Put it in upside down after first putting it in backwards. But I don't complain. New girlfriend is supposed to come visit and it's been 2 days of waiting. He is ready to ditch her again. Next he can't find the clippers. I keep them in the medicine cabinet so if he left them lying around his room, I don't know where they are. My tools in my tool box appear to be missing. They are somewhere in this house. Picking up things, I found 2 wrenches in the living room. Next he throws a fit over how dirty this house is. Yeah, I'm not the one leaving cotton swabs all over the living room and bathroom floor, nor leaving garbage all over the house, and nor not putting things back so they can find them again. He thinks I need a new shower curtain, new TV, and get rid of my autumn decorations. He even said I need to move into a new house that has a better foundation. Then said I need a storage unit. My basement is my storage unit and it has plenty of room in it.

More rejection

The last 2 attorneys I have contacted about suing my former employer rejected my case. I amd started to think I don't have a case to sue over since I was not discriminated agaisnt because of my race, religion, or gender. A**hole employers can do whatever they want even if they are unfair and expect more than you were trained for. Unrealistic expectations is not illegal. Now I work a job I hate and wears me out to the point my roommate is shouting at me to snap out of my depression cause it is hurting him tryying to take care of everything. Yeah, now he knows what it was like to be me taking care of him playing videos games all day while he was unemployed. That's Why I'm Exhausted All The Time!!

Roommate created his own chicken coating recipe and I enjoyed it. I told him it was better thatn the hotel restaurant chicken tenders. Now he wants to open a food trailer and sell chicken to people. Um, might want to check the laws on selling food first. Like he might need a health inspection, food service certificates, food temperatures and expirations, and insurance in the event he gets sued for food poisoning. People like my decorated cakes but I am not trying to open a bakery. I have my limits.

Coworker issues

Tell a housekeeper a guest needs towels. They answer back that they are leaving in 5 minutes. I don't care if they are leaving in 5 minutes, they aren't off the clock yet so they need to get their butt upstairs. They delivered the towels.

New night auditor thanked me for my babysitting service. I am so helpful and patient with him. My 2 supervisors who have been training them the past 2 months weren't effective? 1 speeds through things and the other lacks patience. I have 4 nieces, 1 nephew, and have/had 4 cats and 6 ferrets so I have a ton of patience.

I don't think the new night auditor is very tech savvy. The front desk manager emailed them forms they needed and I told them to save the forms onto their desktop. I don't think they understood how to do that so tried to show them. I also tell him to save websites (like our email or site where we upload audit reports) to their favorites tab instead of typing in the website every time. I had to show them how to do that. There, now they can just click the favorite tab to get into website. Next I showed how to print a form as a non-editable PDF form instead of leaving it as an editable form so it uploads faster in coworkers' email. Editable PDF version uploads slower.

New night auditor seemed to think we were not allowed to call 911. Excuse me? Ok, the security guards are not allowed to call 911 or non-emergency police, because the front desk is supposed to do that. If someone is hurt or having medical emergency (like a heart attack), you can count on me calling 911 for help. And I don't care if they are on hotel grounds that is our responsibility or across the street that is not. I have called police to kick parties out and a crazy person came in attacking a guard who told them to leave cause they weren't a guest (they refused to leave). One crazy person threatened to shoot up the hotel when told to leave the entrance and came into the lobby shouting at guests buying items from the gift shop. I have called 911 over someone getting stabbed (they survived), someone having a diabetic low blood sugar episode (they recovered), and someone who had injured their hip and couldn't get up out of their bed (they checked out 2 days later).

Work Halloween Party Planned

Interesting. Work is having a Halloween party in the middle of the day. Why don't they do it once most people are off work and enjoy it more? 3 hours of fun for people with 15 minute and 30 minute breaks. I work the night before and night of, plus it's Beggar's Night. I don't know if I can find the energy to wake up, dress up, spend an hour or so at the party, come home and get ready to pass out candy, and then go back to work. At least we can wear costumes while working, years before we couldn't.

Paycheck received

Got my paycheck so went grocery shopping. I spent below budget comparing 2 store sales. I try to swipe breakfast at work to bring home so on my days off we have food. My cupboard is getting bare even with roommate's contribution earlier this month. At leasst we work at places that provide free lunch.

Visit from sister

Sister came over to discuss my dire financial situation. She tried to get me into debt relief programs instead of filing for bankruptcy. I can't afford the monthly payments to pay my debts off in 4-5 years. Plus any debt written off I will have to pay income tax on. I asked my sister if I could borrow money from Mom to pay off everything and she said no (my sister is power of attorney of our mother). We need Mom's money to pay for her declining health accomodations in assisted living facility. Within a year, she might need a nursing home. I have to finish my bankruptcy paperwork to turn into the lawyer.

Trying to find an employment lawyer to sue my former employer. They either don't answer my message, have too many cases already, and one declined saying they were no interested in helping me. I'm ready to give up on it. I've messaged so many lawyers I can't remember who I messaged. Maybe I don't have a case worth pursuing.

I got a letter from unemployment stating I am not eligible for benefits because they were charging my previous employer who rehired me not the employer I was forced to quit from. Because I voluntarily left in June and my employer protested (especially since they rehired me in September) paying benefits. Apparently I wasn't at the other place long enough to received unemployment benefits since they did no investigating on my unemployment claim on them. Weirdos.

Some days I hate my job

Sometimes I hate 3rd party reservation makers. People come in without a reservation demanding some online rate they saw. 3rd party reservation makers pay a fee to set their own rates. People fail to understand they are booking through a 3rd party and not through the hotel. I am under no obligation to match 3rd party rates. If people want an online rate then they need to book the online rate cause I am not a Let's Make a Deal host. Take my walk in rate or make a reservation. And my walk in rate doesn't get a discount. I get no commission off walk in guests (nor for making new reservations) so I don't care who people book their reservation through.

Next, guest needs to recharge their phone. I point out the portable batteries we have in the gift shop, for $40. That was too much money and he just wants recharge his phone. Ok, I will use my recharger. He gets his phone and cord. He says he needs to call his girlfriend. Oh, didn't realize he had a cord so just use my USB recharger wall plug. Get working on audit duties and go check the phone that is recharging. It is gone along with my USB wall plug, which means I can't recharge my phone now. That was a mighty fast recharge at less than 5 minutes. I see him walk by and ask for USB wall plug back cause that was mine. He took it from his pocket and handed it back. Relief. Next time when someone has a cord, I will point out they recharge their phone using the TV in their room.

Had an iteresting call. Someone calls at 4 AM wanting to the discuss the location of 19 boxes that were delivered 4 days ago. Not at the front desk. Where are they? Don't know and not searching the entire hotel for them. They want to speak someone else. Tonight, I'm it. They can speak to someone else at 7 AM, perhaps the day shift knows where they are since I don't handle deliveries working overnight shifts.

Then I get a Federal employee complaining our hotel sucks. He demands a survey. I don't have guest surveys at the front desk, he should receive a survey in his email. Now he wants the name of the general manager to lodge their complaint. Hand them the business card to general manager. They shout how they showed their tax-exempt form when they checked in so why are we charging taxes on his bill. Make the room tax exempt and print another receipt. He begs me to ask why he hated his room. Ok, what was wrong? He was put in a 2 bed handicap room he didn't need and reserved a single bed regular room, the shower was broken, and the heater was broken. Next he gets mad I'm writing down all his problems to report to the engineers to fix. Hand them the new receipt. Now I'm told I'm stupid and don't know how to do my job right cause I didn't look at the receipt before I printed it. The parking fee is still being taxed. I can't just take sales tax off everything, just the room charges. Why is our system set up that? Why can't I just remove the sales tax? I offer to remove the parking fee and he screams he doesn't want free parking, he wants the sales tax removed. He finally gives up and demands the receipt I printed. Accountant arrives and gets upset with me cause I screwed everything up marking the room tax exempt. I should just tell guests the accountant will make the determination what charges are tax exempt. Our state has lots of rules for tax exempt status. I apologized explaining I had a guest screaming at me to take the taxes off calling me stupid and saying I didn't know how to do my job.

Then come home and get ready for bed. Roommate had a hard on and needed attention to recover from it with his buddy sleeping in the living room so we have to be quiet about it. After the stressful night I had, I couldn't say no. As usual afterwards he sends a text message how we can't keep doing that cause he has a girlfriend now. Yeah, ok, stop asking for it. It's not like I'm going to tell on him to his girlfriend so eager to marry him. That would be an awkward conversation. Hi there, welcome to my home and by the way I'm screwing your boyfriend. I asked the other day how he felt about getting married since it's take two to tango. He doesn't want to marry until he can financial support a family, which won't be in the near future with me supporting him.

Sunday night party

Arrived at work to be told there was a party going on and they received their warning of the noise complaint. Actually it was a peaceful night without further complaints.

Not that I have a yearning to call the police and kick people out. Then I get people complaining I ruined their birthday party, they demand the room for free, or casually ask for another key cause they are locked out (to which I reply that I just called the cops to kick them out so I am not making them another key for them to get back into the room). One party I had to call to end becasue my security guard suspected someone had a gun by the way they held their arm under their coat. The cops around the lobby making sure people leave suddenly ran outside cause someone was getting their butt kicked. I saw an ambulance pull up and my supervisor walking home asked what happened. Someone got shot across the street from the hotel. I told the hotel they should reward the guard for that. What if he said nothing and the shooting was inside the hotel. Who knows how many could have gotten hurt when the gunman made their escape? They never did. That security guard is now my roommate. He is very protective of me and makes me feel safe. During another party a party guest got stabbed and bathroom plus a bed had blood everywhere. Then the security guard looked all over the stairs for the victim trying to escape their attacker. They were found and taken to the hospital. The security guard had to break up at least two fist fights near the entrance before the stabbing occurred. They quit soon after from the trauma.

Got gas this morning from my roommate giving me his tip money. Got 3.5 gallons so hopefully will last until I get my paycheck on Friday. Sigh.

Saturday Night Wedding Parties

Had 4 wedding blocks this weekend. Saturday night had 2 wedding parties needing transportation so the driver had a little help, but then the help went to go bartend so they spent the night going back and forth between the two venues plus other people wanting rides from a bar. Lots of drunk people dressed up fancy in the lobby. Once they return from a bar, they always head for the snack shop.

Had a guest complain about a puddle of water near the bathroom. Funny the room above it had the same complaint. Had only 3 rooms available to move them to. Put them on the other side of the hotel. Guest was worried I would place them right below their old room that probably also had a water leak on the carpet. I explained I wouldn't do that to them.

Had someone bring in two husky dogs who were wandering the street outside. They had collars and well taken care of. They said they called animal control but they were busy. Yeah, we called about a kitten in the parking garage and they never came. I put the dogs in the sales department and soon after a cop came to take them away. I remember once it took them 7 hours to pick up dogs my shuttle driver found outside and they followed her inside.

Had the reservation line call at 3 AM explaining someone wanted to check in early at 9 AM. Explained we were sold out and housekeeping doesn't arrive until 9 AM so we won't have a room to check them into. Oh, but they have to check in early and need a room promptly. They are requesting an early check in. Then they can call later to see if any rooms become available. Guests need to learn requests are not guarentees of anything. You can request anything under the sun but that doesn't mean I can deliver it.

Interesting guest

Checked in a walk in without a reservation. Next morning they complain they received a paper receipt under their door. Yes, that is a service we provide so guests don't have to come to the front desk for a receipt which can cause long lines at the counter. They are upset someone viewed the rate of their room and this was highly inappropriate action to do. Excuse me? I checked them into their room and asked if they wanted an emailed receipt and they refused to give me an email address. And seriously, do you really think we care what your room rate was? You think we don't know what they room rates are at this hotel? I work here. Can't speak for the security guard delivering the pile of receipts, but when I deliver them under the doors, I don't read them other than the room number.

Roommate cleaned today. Said they spent 3 hours cleaning up the bathroom and kitchen. Now I feel like a terrible roommate. I'm always tired, almost a zombie. Simple things like brushing my teeth or putting away clean dishes from the dishwasher away are difficult. I don't brush my hair anymore and use my fingers. I don't help with cleaning or yardwork. He said I do enough bringing home breakfast food from the hotel and keep a warm house for us to sleep in in.

Happy Friday the 13th

Well that was fun. Local grocery store has a special where you can get 13 cents gas rewards for every $20 you spend on your grocery store gas card. No paycheck today. Have to wait until next Friday. Apparently I started working on a payday so have to wait some more and hope paycheck covers the overdraft amount in my bank account. Otherwise bank will get mad at me again for being overdrawn more than 15 days in a row. I do have a check from old hotel for all my bank runs. Try to cash it at the bank. Bank won't cash it cause I'm overdrawn so have to deposit it. No groceries. Roommate did get groceries a couple days ago but we still need bread, rice, and juice.

Got to work to find my manager volunteered me for shuttle driver service becaue we have 4 wedding blocks at the hotel this weekend and Saturday has 2 wedding venues needing transportation for the guests. I answered back that this night auditor does not drive the shuttle unless under EXTREME OBLIGATION. It gives me anxiety to drive that shuttle van and I hate doing it.

Why me?

Wake up and check my emails. Roommate wakes up and wants sex. I said the other night when I worked "Not tonight", but I don't recall promising sex the next day (which didn't happen since I was in bed all day until 6 PM). I got enough to deal with without him begging for attention cause his girlfriend won't get her butt over here. I'm getting medical bills I can't pay and need to get started on my bankruptcy paperwork that are causing panic attacks every time I think about it. I'm not in the mood for a booty call.

Then the toilet lever breaks and I have no money to replace it. At least not until tomorrow and I was hoping to buy groceries with my money. I only have 1 toilet so it needs to get fixed. Roommate left so no idea where he went. Dear God, why do you hate so much? Am I not suffering enough? I'm not in enough pain?

Roommate went out to get a replacement part and fixed the toilet. Then left with car buddy. Soon after the elusive girlfriend shows up at last. She is playing with kittens. That was awkward answering the door. Oh hi, now your boyfriend can stop begging me for sex.

Received COBRA paperwork for my canceled work insurance. $750 a month to keep my insurance. I can't afford to buy food or gas for my car until I get a paycheck. Have to wait for work insurance to kick in before looking for a therapist everyone says I need.

We have groceries

Roommate got paid so bought some groceries. I can't use my credit cards cause I'm in the process of declaring bankruptcy and my bank account is overdrawn so I have to wait to get paid to buy anything. Plus I have to pay the utilities and get gas for the car soon. Notice came from a credit card that my payment is late. Better get my paperwork for bankruptcy started. We went to the grocery store and he said we need to pick up his girlfriend. Again, she doesn't give her location and then he says she is taking an Uber. She never comes. Roommate is yelling at the kittens meowing again. He has been giving my adult cat kibble moistened with water instead of kitten food. I suggested getting kitten food at the store and he said it cost too much. He gave them a bath cause one like to literally step into the food and get it all over their fur. Other got food in her fur so she got a bath too. We think they are both girls, they are so tiny. I'm guessing no more than 8 weeks old.

Quite a day

Roommate is happy today. His squeeze confessed her love for him, wants to get married, and coming over tonight. She said to get the bed and candles ready cause they will have a wild time tonight. Roommate is ready to have her move in with us. Great, another homeless junkie to feed. That would make 4 adults, 3 cats, and 2 kittens in this house. Kittens have new names from Yin and Yang. They are now Pockets and Jasmine. Well, we go to pick up this girlfriend at a hospital parking lot cause she is nearby. Then she cuts all communication when he asks where she is located. We wait 20 minutes and no reply from her of her location to take her to my house. No reply so we go home. Roommate is so upset he is yelling at the meowing kittens to shut up. Then he wants sex from me cause girlfriend got him all excited expecting sex. Not tonight. I'm stressed, my Mom is in the hospital and I have paperwork to do to declare bankruptcy. Not in the mood to screw him cause his girlfriend ain't here. Besides, I have to go to work in 2 hours. He went to bed disappointed.

New additions

Woke up this morning to find the dish soap in the bathtub. Few hours later my roommate announces I will hate him because he brought home 2 kittens. His buddy's mom's cat had a litter. One is calico and one is black with white paws. He named them Yin and Yang. They also have fleas. I doused my cats with flea med but didn't have one for the visitor cat. Kittens got a bath and he used my flea spray I have. Asked if he had kitten food and kitten milk. He replied that I act like he never took care of a cat before. Well after I had to pay for dog food and share my cat's food with his pets cause he failed to get any, yes, it occurs to me to ask these questions. Kittens need more nutrition than adult cat food and pieces are larger than tiny kitten kibble pieces. Later he left to hang out at his buddy's house. I thought he was kicked out of his grandparents' house. I am to look in on the kittens, but not let them out of their carrier.

Babysitting night auditor

Left work after the night audit was finished instead of staying all night. Night auditor asked if I wanted security to escort me to my car. No, I'm fine. I'm scarier than anything out there. He doubted that. Besides, I have pepper spray. Just ask my brother who is 9 years older than me and twice my size how hard I can punch and kick. If I am brave enough to take him on, I will take on anyone threathening me. I've learn my most powerful weapon is my mouth.

Drunk guest

Had a drunk lady who struggled to focus on me while she was babbling on about an event tomorrow. Showed the new night auditor where the event notebook was located and the drunk lady says that I appear not to give a sh*t. Ok. Explained her group has an event tomorrow at such time in such room. Is there something else I can help her with? She exploded at the night auditor for looking at her the wrong way. Then asks if I'm fun and will I be at the event tomorrow. I replied that I am fun and I don't work events. I finally called for security. Explained that since there is nothing more I can do for her, then she needs to leave the counter. Now she wants to cancel tomorrow's event because I am rude. I explain she has to discuss that with sales in the morning. I go in the back to fetch pillows for another guest and when I came back she was gone.

Had another guest ask how I stay awake all night. I replied: Caffeine.

Roommate had to go to the ER today after coughing up blood. He said he has the rhinovirous (aka common cold). At least it was nothing serious like pneumonia.

Roommate Scolding

Roommate asked what I did today. Read my email and slept. He said this house is filthy with garbage everywhere (well, garbage is his since I toss mine away) maggots in old cat food in the waste basket, and cleaning this house might get me out of my depression. He used up my cleaning sprays. He will buy some more. My next days off we will be cleaning. He threw my waste basket away cause it was getting gross at the bottom. I put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher when he went to work.

He was in foul mood anyway cause his squeeze never came last night. She said she hadn't eaten so he cooked spaghetti with alfredo sauce with fried chicken tenders. And she never came. Apparently she is as flaky as my sister who says she is coming over today and shows up four days later.

Went into his room for a mechanical pencil in my desk drawers. He said the pens don't work. My mechanical pencils were gone and the replacement lead containers were still there. I used a wood pencil from my pencil cup. Erasers are hard so can't use them.

Asked if he was busy downstairs cause I needed to do laundry. He said he had a ton of laundry to do. He put in a washer full of clothes and left for his fast food job. I did my laundry after putting his in the dryer and got mine done before going to work.

Roommate had another trauma. He set down his bong outside on a windy day and it fell over. His weeed blew away in the wind. He was devastated.

Bankruptcy Attorney

Visited the bankruptcy attorney. Declaring bankruptcy is as bad as it seems. $1300 in lawyer and court fees. Now have list my assets and debts along with income and expenses. Sigh. At least I don't have to sell my house or car. I get to take a class on budgeting my money. Yeah, my problem wasn't budgeting my money. My problem was buying a used car that broke down constantly and then receiving zero income for seven months.

Babysitter to the new Night Auditor

One of the shuttle drivers said the new night auditor is creepy. I can see why she thinks that. He is always joking around. I asked if he was the joker and he said he is just nervous so he jokes around. Seems like an ok guy. Has a fiancee and could apply for social security if he wanted to. He asked if I ever got scared at night. No, I'm scarier than anything out there. He doubted that. Well, just ask my brother who is 9 years older than and twice my size how hard I can punch and kick. Never had fear taking him on during our youth.

He is getting the night audit with few questions.

Roommate's buddy is allowed back in the house. Apparently he was high on meth and sleepwalking to move stuff around and I place my purse in his car. He says he doesn't remember doing it. They made up.

Interesting phone call

Had my interesting phone call for the night. Guy calls saying he left something in his room and wants it mailed back. OK. He wants me to check the room right now. Security won't answer her walkie talkie so I go up myself. There is a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. Can't go in so he will have to wait for the maids to clean it. The room is not listed as checked out so I don't know if someone is in the room or not. He demands I barge in the room and retrieve his left behind item RIGHT NOW! No. He gives the phone to his lady who demands I knock the sign down and go in. It's not like I will walk in to see 2 naked people. I don't know that. How about I break the rules and barge in the door. How about I follow hotel policy that forbids me to open the door. If I had more intelligence or better pay, I would open the door. I hung up the phone.

I've received too many crank calls asking to barge into a room for a lost item in the middle of the night to find they have never been a registered guest. I also get calls asking for towels for a room we don't have. The real interesting calls are the scammers. You are receiving a UPS package tomorrow so write down the tracking number and read it back to them. Then they say they are the property owner (Really, we are corporate owned hotel and have a CEO) and want me to confirm my cell phone number. Don't think so. Then I get the fake IT calls from a weird number on the caller ID claiming my general manager ordered an update on the computer system (Really, we get automatic overnight updates every night). They want to remote into my computer to add the update. Don't think so. Why don't I trust them? Let's see. 1 They are calling me. 2 They don't know the name of the general manager who supposedly ordered this update. 3 They are not calling from a Tech Support number. Need I say more?

That was fun

Well that was fun trying to remember how to do the audit. Found new guy's directions (that I wrote) so that helped. Apparently he called in yesterday and no call today so unsure if he quit or is sick. No wonder they were so eager to hire me back. Supposedly he returns tomorrow. Had a security I had before. Guess the one working when I left was fired when caught sleeping.

Sigh of Relief

Bankruptcy Attorney finally answered me. Called to make an appointment for next week. Now have to gather my information. I worked bankrupcty auditing before so I know how this works.

Had a weird morning. I wake up to my keys on the stove and my purse is gone. As roommate's friend living here didn't know where it was. He said my roommate had it. He later asked where my roommate was cause he couldn't find him. He should be aleep in my basement. I text message roommate where he was and why did he take my purse? Friend later said he found roommate outside. Sometime after that friend brings in my purse from his car and hands it to me. I check and nothing is missing. Hours later my roommate wakes up and comes upstairs asking what am I talking about concerning my purse. He has been sleeping all night downstairs. He is furious his friend would take my purse and in the process of kicking him out of my house.

Start working at the old hotel again tonight. Less pay of course, but room to move up. Maybe I move into sales, their people keep quitting.

Anxiety Attack

Had 3 days off and spent it lying down feeling sick from anxeity attacks. Thursday morning I felt so sick I couldn't go to work. Messaged the HR person at old hotel that I don't believe I can at that hotel anymore cause my anxiety is making me sick. She rehired me on the spot. I said I could do front desk on nights I don't do the night audit. Just not the morning shift cause that would destroy my sleep cycle. I can do the afternoon shifts. I wrote out a letter of good bye to my fellow employees and returned my key card and name tag to the hotel. I pick up a garage pass from my old hotel. Naturally the finance director at hotel was disappointed cause he needed my help (accounting should be a 2 person department). Start working tomorrow night. My anxiety went away too. Tried messaging more bankrutcy attorneys.

Finally a job

I got a job at the old hotel as night auditor. I said I could do both part time jobs until I get a full time job again. Sure I'll I will stick around with the general manager who wants me to quit just to spite him. Now if my anxiety would calm down cause I felt sick all day night. Been sending messages to bankruptcy lawyers and employment lawyers. They are not answering me. Start reworking the at the old hotel on Monday.

Just give me a job please

Old hotel job is dragging their feet rehiring me. Called the Assistant General Manager and I have to meet the Task Force General Manager before they can rehire me offically. who knows when I will meet this guy. I applied for unemployment for the 5th time in my time. Thanks to the governor I have to take workshops every week. Yeah, I already know how to do a resume, interview, and use a computer. Last workshop I did for unemployment was for resume writing and complete waste of my time.

On a plus side, I got out my Halloween decorations. Roommate was so happy, he loves Halloween. Buddy and roommate returned home from their fast food job wasted. Roommate said they plan to move into another country and take up farming, then open a restaurant, then become millionaires. He said I can be the secretary of their house cleaning business. Yes, I am an accountant and could handle that.

Visitor Dog is Gone

Mother of the dog owner came by to pick her up at last (been waiting 6 months for this moment when I said the dog could stay for a week). I petted her goodbye and grabbed all her things. I even let her keep a squeaky bunny toy she liked that I gave my ferrets for Easter. Cats don't play with it. Sure it was nice to take her on walks and practice training her with treats, but also a headache taking her out to potty when roommate wasn't home. She kept escaping the yard via the holes in the fence and whenever I went out the front door cuase the outer door doesn't shut all the way. Last night she escaped out the front door when I took out garbage and she came back half hour scratching at the door. Cats were terrified of her. She was a friendly dog, but they reacted with hisses and growls which made her respond with barking. It was stressful keeping them apart and keeping the dog in the kennel all the time cause she kept pooping on the floor (even right after taking her outside). The last 2 walks around the local lake trail I went by myself to have some peace. I bring her and she wants everyone to pet her and sniff every dog so had to hold her back a lot. Plus the 2nd miles wore her out so had to rest after the 1st mile. Hopefully my cat Misty who has been living under the couch since the visitor dog's arrival will start pooping in the litterbox again instead of under the end table where the ferrets use to do their business on newspapers. Bit sad, bit relief.

In other news, roommate's buddy started his first day at the fast food place. He got his buddy a job there so doing less food delivery. Roommate got called in on his day off to work because two employees walked out so they both went to work at the same time. Hope the job works out for them.

Demotion starts Monday

Going to 2 days a week starting next week for less pay per hour. General Manager told me again to quit and go on unemployment cause I would make more money on unemployment than working 2 days a week. Yeah, I can still work my 2 days a week while on unemployment too. I've been thorugh unemployment 4 times so I know how this works.

They let me go early cause ran out of work for me to do. Stopped by the old hotel and spoke with the assistant general manager. He only has a 2 day night auditor job available for me. They just hired a bunch of new people so he has to wait and see how the new people will work out since they are still in training. I said I could do that and still work at the other hotel. 4 days a week is better than 2 days. He said he will call me on Monday to explain what they can do for me. Went home for a few hours to pet my cats. Returned for happy hour to explain this might be my last Friday visit because I might be working here again next week. The HR person was driving the shuttle (when did that start) and happy to see me. Front Desk Supervisor would be happy to have me back so he can stop working the night audit. They have a bunch of task force people working there since they fired the general manager so will have to wait and see what happens.

Hope restored

Applied for a job thorugh the wants ads at my old hotel. The HR person answered back they would be happy to have me back. Good to be appreciated. Called them and they said they have to speak to the assistant general manager first. I said I was open the job description. Waiting for the call.

Return after a cold night

After a cold night in the tent, roommate and buddy return as I was leaving for work. He said they will stay here a few days. I said that was fine. Buddy had been hanging around for weeks so I am used to him being around. Quiet kid, at least around me. They play video games together. Roommate said his fast food job is going well. Not too many ladies chasing him at this place. He said that was a bit of a relief cause he's not in the mood to flirt.

New roommate

Roommate informed that his car buddy he had been doing food delivery with is getting kicked out of his grandparents' house and forced to live in his car. He said they were going to sleep in the tent I gave him this summer until they have enough money for thier own apartment or rental house. They will use his car to get to roommate's fast food job and the food delivery thing. Naturally roommate will keep his stuff at my place and visit often. Naturally I will be taking care of the pets alone. He will take the pets when they get their own place.

Still have backlog

Funny. Yesterday, Mr. Finance Director asked me to work all 5 days next week instead of my demoted 2 days. Of course I said, I need the money. And if the general manager is so itchy to get rid of me, I will stay just to spite him. I checked my work work website where we ask for days off and I am still at my current salary. Will see when that changes. They never told me my new hourly rate.

Friday at last

I had a surreal day at work. General Manager is now getting the mail and distributing it instead of accounting. OK, whatever. Mr. Finance Director was given access to the Sales department system. Funny I was never granted that access. Earlier this week Mr. Director took my safe key under "due diligence" cause the petty cash was short, which happened during my trainer's possession of the key and I had no idea how much was supposed to be in the petty cash. But hey, I don't have to deal with the general manager demanding a spreadsheet to explain why the cash count is off. Though, we get paid extra for bank runs so I get to miss out on $40 next month. He is also doing the morning revenue reconcilation so I just go through my emails and print invoices. The general manager is constantly stopping by Mr. Director's office to discuss things. Better him than me. I verified and charged our group events. Mr. Director decided he will verify the group event charges in the future and I just send the bills. Ok, whatever. He can handle fixing all the front desk mistakes that is one of my stressors. Yeah, you are helping me by entering banquet event charges into the system, but they are also giving me extra work fixing their screw ups. He ordered some paper and staples for the office. Funny, I was never given that access either. He also said the corporate office didn't like me using petty cash for office supplies, it only should go to pay for wood going to the grill. Excuse me? They won't give me a business credit card and they won't provide me with logins to direct bill things from companies, or tell me where to place orders. How else do they expect me to buy highlighters and Sharpie pens?

Then the end of the day comes and Mr. Director asks me to work the full 5 days next week to catch up instead of 2. We have a backlog caused by my 3 day absence. Of course, I said yes cause I need the money. I even checked the work website where we get paystubs and ask for days off. I am still listed under my salary and not changed to a new part time wage yet. Have to check on Monday to see if they change it. I applied for jobs but no answer yet. I was looking for part time extra money gigs, but now have to switch to full time job searching cause of the general manager wants me gone.

Went to my weekly visit to the old job hotel and had my free drinks with their happy hour. Got half price chicken tenders. Explained why I wasn't there last Friday (I was on my way to a psych ward) to visit them. They were supportive saying it was terrible that work demoted me after going to the hospital. I told them my roommate got a new job at a fast food place and he is so much happier than when sitting on the couch all day playing video games. He is still doing food delivery with his friend with a car. He is teaching him to drive too. Not having a driver's license really hurts his job prospects. Old supervisor was ready for me to come back, but I can't afford what they were willing to pay last time I was there and I hated working the overnight shift. Then came home to relax.

Therapist Day

Yesterday my new director asked if I would be in today. Of course, unless I've been fired and don't know it. He thought with all that was going on that I might suddenly quit and not come in. Nope, I need money. I have a ton of debt and now with the medical bills I have to declare bankruptcy. I'm squeezing the most money out of these people before going down to 2 days a week next week. Director went to a dentist appointment and I went to my therapist appointment. But first my roommate needed to be let into the house cause he can't find his key. Spoke to 3 people in the office about my issues. Everybody was nice and have to come back later for a check up. Then went back to work.

Go ahead and kick me while I'm down

Well my idea of keeping my job and pay to shift to a supportive role didn't work. 2 days as an accounts payable assistant and 3 days night auditor was the only option cause it's not in the budget for 2 full time accountants. I can't do front desk work cause I can't stand for 8 hours from torn tendons in my ankle that is required and have ear damage so hate being on telephones. So I am going to hourly rate that they refuse to inform me the rate of and going down to part time for 2 days a week, which means at the end of the month I lose my health insurance because part time employees don't get health insurance. The general manager at my hotel explained I was inadequately trained. Yeah, whose fault was that? I did the job I was trained to do and this guy wanted someone more than what I was trained to do. Then the general manager tells me to quit and go on unemployment cause this wasn't working out. Worked my duties and talked to my fellow coworkers. I told a few people I wanted to hang myself in the garage once I got home. Naturally they told me not to, not over this. I replied I have to visit a therapist tomorrow as a condition being released from the psych ward. My roommate flipped out calling me right after I sent the message shouting at me how I am breaking his heart, my cats need me, and my family will be shattered. I think his shouting woke me out from my dark hole I keep falling into. I know, strange. I promised my roommate I would not hurt myself and I never go back on a promise. I spent the evening reading emails shaking from fighting the urge to scratch myself until I bleed. I haven't done that since my grandma died when I was 8 and her funeral was on my 9th birthday. I broke pencils and scratched myself until I bled. I managed not to scratch myself all evening and very proud of myself. Now I have to visit the therapist tomorrow. My roommate says I need one to get over my depression. Will see what happens. I have to start looking for a new job. It took me a year to find this job.

Bad to worse

Arrived at work to people happy to see me. They all thought I had Covid since I said I was in the ICU. I said I had a panic attack, went to a psych ward, and given anxiety medication so I will be very calm, but to a few I confess my 88 pills that I swallowed trying to commit suicide. I showed my roommate the bottle and he counted what was left to figure out I took 88 pills. He then took them from me. General Manager calls me into his office. He explains my predecessor is back and I am going down to 2 days a week as accounts payable and the other 3 days as a night auditor. My great fear of losing my job has come true. I meet my predecessor and we walk around the block talking about what happened to me. The rest of the day I spend with my replacement learning new things I was never taught. Now I have to find a new job. Pronto! I'm hopeful I can convince them to let me stay at my salary job and just shift into a supportive role for the Director of Finance.