Another Day

Missed church again. Came home late and woke up just before the service was to start. I am so tired bring exhausted all the time and never recover. I know it's stress, but no relief from that. I pray and hope and nothing ever changes. Played the service of my hometown church on my smartphone. Cats wanted outside whole it's cool so ate my breakfast on the patio. Went to work and same sh**show. My room has mold, A/C leaking, what do mean 2 full size beds instead of 2 queens, where's your hot tub.

Come home and cats are in the kitchen. Roommate's stuff is still here. He messaged he will start a new job with friend next month. OK. Says he will keep his current job for a while. Watched a video in memory of a dead pet and burst into tears to cry for several minutes. I wasn't over the dead pet, it hit me that roommate might be leaving permanently. And not even saying goodbye, just a message of him moving in with his friend after I ask if was home cause I haven't seen him since yesterday. Well, that was the plan to have him stay until he got onto his feet. Eventually everyone leaves. As Pink Floyd said, All in all you're just another brick in the wall. That song is about trauma, heart ache, and despair being bricks building an emotional wall around your heart to protect you from emotional pain. The only way to survive trauma is turn your compassionate heart into stone. It happens.