Merry Christmas

Worked the overnight shift and came home in the morning. Packed car for sister's house visit. Fed cats and gave them catnip. Opened presents from Santa and lit Advent wreath Christmas Day candle. Then slept a few hours. Woke up to have roommate open his and his cat's Santa gifts. Went over to sister's house and had mid-afternoon lunch. Others had a cookie and pie snack I brought. Next we opened gifts. I thought we were having a cookie exchange but I got presents, a set of hand soap, lotion, and body spray of a brand I didn't have enough money to buy on Black Friday. Not a complete set since I didn't get shower gel, but close enough. Then we played Whoville monopoly. Nephew won. Next we watched A Christmas Story on TV. When that ended we left so I could turn on my outdoor lights for the neighbors.

Unload the car and roommate wants sex. I was too tired and wanted to watch Meet Me in St Louis before I went to bed. We had sex just the other day and about 3 times last week. I am sorry his girlfriend won't visit, but my vagina needs a rest. Put in the movie and I fall asleep. I lit my Advent candles to burn them down cause they are getting low. I wake up to find a pine cone attached to the wreath on fire, which sets off the smoke alarm. Roommate rushed upstairs to ask what was going on. We got the fire out and a burn mark on my cabinet is permanent. Finish watching the movie and go to bed.

In bed, I recite my Christmas prayer that never gets answered.

Dear Heavenly Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I ask once again on Christmas Day to hear my prayer. I don't know what I did to deserve my miserable life. I am trying to understand why blessings from you feel more like curses. Is 13 years of struggling and poverty not enough. Must I continue my suffering for whatever reason. All I ever wanted was a career, a family, and a dog. All 3 have been denied to me. I have reached menopause and will never have a child. I am trying to understand why you you don't want me to have children to leave the world a better place. I know, adopt, but it isn't the same. Now I ask once more to just let me be happy. Let me get out of this overwhelming debt. Let me find a husband to share my life with. Help me afford to adopt a dog or ferrets or another cat. That is all I ask of you. Help me be happy again. Amen.