Disappointment

Roommate got a phone call from his Dad as I was doing the dishes. I tried the common on internet baking soda and vinegar mix unclog drain solution and then rinse cycle. Will see if it acutally works. I have no money for a plumber nor new dishwasher. I can't spend money until I save enough to pay my mortgage and student loan next week. Plus I bought a new printer this week cause old one won't turn on. I still have yet to set it up. I am either sleeping or working. I was washing dishes by hand. He told his Dad he had a phone interview and waiting to here from the manager to do the in person interview. He told me he had a job. Application and phone interview are not a job offer. I heard him say his ex girlfirend has a new girlfriend so he was discarded. Most of the conversation I ignored while listening to my IHeart radio music to give him privacy. Bilbo has been reactling snappy when petting him when I get near his hips. Catfight injury or arthritis, I don't know. Roommate has some back issues and thinking of visiting a chiropractor. It's a holiday weekend so offices won't be open for a few days.

More adventure

Did laundry today and putting my clothes away, I notice a Christmas sweatshirt missing. Roommate cracking jokes asks what is wrong since I am not laughing. I can't figure out where it is. Wore it just before Christmas so has to be in my dirty laundry baskets, but it's not here. He starts looking around and I try to remember last time I saw it. Then he thinks I'm blaming him for it. No, I don't beleive he went through my dirty laundry and stole my sweatshirt. Why would want a fat lady's sweatshirt decorated for Christmas? After 15 minutes of searching the house, I finally recall removing clothes and laying them on the floor to sort the light and dark colors. Roommate rushed to the laundry room and found the sweatshirt on the floor. I had to comfort him and assure that I was not accusing him of tealing my sweatshirt. It was more like lying your phone and can't recall where you put it.

Roommate had good news. He got a job at a gas station. He has been complaining my dishwasher doesn't clean very well and thinks it's clogged. Use my new drain snakes, but I need a new dishwasher or a plumber. I can afford neither. Have to go to work and can't deal with it right now. Supervisor said the hotel was considering hiring a part time person in accounting. I thought for a moment and replied I didn't want to work with the accountant. Very antisocial person. She walks by with her down as if she is trying to be invisible to me. They also said the new sales coordinator looks at their phone a lot and has a bad attitude. Yeah, they hired this person instead because they had experience. Supervisor doesn't think they will last very long.

Happy Roommate

Come home this morning to a happy roommate cause he broke up with his girlfriend again. He got tired of being ignored. Then his car buddy shows up in the driveway. I thought they weren't friends anymore. No, he just pushed him away a bit. OK, whatever he says. Went to bed.

Woke up and decided I need to start exercing again. I know I put on weight since I stopped walking around Gray's Lake. I suck in my stomach and lose 3 inches. Did some light exercise in my pj's cause I din't want to overdo it to make my muscles ache. I need to tone my muscles. Wish me luck.

Interesting perspective

I once received a lecture from roommate how lucky I am so why am I so depressed. I have a house, a car, a job, and pets. It's lot more than he or his homeless junkie friends have. Ok, he is talking about material possessions that spent 20 years earning, plus the car my Mom bought and she gave me the down payment for my house. I am struggling to pay bills and groceries. He can't hold a job more than 4 months so I end up supporting him, his pets, and his homeless friends he invites over to help them (when actually he is not helping them when I pay the mortgage, the car gas, electric, water, and food they eat). Then I am forced to declare bankruptcy cause my retirement savings is almost gone and can't make the minimum payments on my credit cards to stay afloat plus have medical bills from my suicide attempt I can't pay. He can't figure out why I don't just smoke some weed or take CBD gummies and just be happy. My problems are not going away being high all day and guest what, the happy doesn't last so people need another hit to keep them going which is how addiction starts. He cannot outrun his emotions he avoids and his problem with finding then keeping a job doesn't go away either when the high goes away. I'm dealing with my problems instead of avoiding them. It's called adulthood. I am stressed out and unraveling at the seams, and it never ends. That's why I am depressed. Material possessions have little to with my happiness.

Donating Blood

Roommate in badly need of money to pay court fines and needs weed so he decides to donate plasma. He is feeling guilty drinking up my juice to leave none for me when I am paying for all the food and drinks we have. I have to drive him over cause he broke up with car buddy. He dwells in the idea of selling drugs for money, but he don't want to go to jail. I point out he can send me to jail too since I let him live here and he can ruin his future. Oh, he knows how to not get caught. Yes, that is why he is on probation. I left him at the blood donation center and went grocery shopping since he will be there 2 hours, plus need a new printer. Get a call and answer it thinking it was my roommate saying to come back. No, it's a bill collector. They thank me for answering the phone and tell me I owe $800. I explain I am driving a car and hang up on them. Finish my shopping and go home. I put away the groceries and leave to pick him up. He calls when I am a couple blocks away to pick him up. He is cold and hungry.

He got $100 on a debit card he has to set up first before using the money. No cash payments. His chest is hurting and babbles on how I live in the nice part of the hood where people don't get shot in their driveway. He is also faint since he hasn't eaten today. I haven't eaten either. We get home and he wants sex again. This time he mentions how he wishes I would ask for it. Ok, I am cooking a pizza for him to eat. I am taking down the Christmas village so he can eat at the dining room table again. Kitchen table is not enough space with cat food containers on it. I explain I don't ask for it because he has a girlfriend so he should be loyal to her and shouldn't be screwing around with me when he is emotionally stressed. Yeah, he defends his girlfriend won't talk to him or come over. He thinks she has cheated on him to justify this ignoring him. Yeah, she has a job but doens't work all the time. He finally got her new number after he sent a Christmas message to her brother to give her thinking her phone was lost. Her brother was unhappy to relay his message to her. I finally give in to the sex running out of excuses, but after pizza that will be done in 9 minutes. Well, slice up the pizza and he changes his mind not feeling well and very tired so have to take a raincheck. I lived 30 years without sex so don't expect me to beg for it from him. He said it would nice if I wore skirts and bend over to show my pussy. Yeah, that is not happening. I'm not a hooker nor stripper.

He also asked a week ago to get a pet snake. Snakes need heat lamps that raise my electric bill and dangerous to our pets if escapes. Plus they can get into drains and pipes in the house. Plus, they eat rodents so can't get another ferret and who is is taking care of this pet. Exotic vets are hard to find and I perfer not to go buy frozen rodents to feed this pet of his. He couldn't handle 2 kittens covered in fleas and needing deworming, how is he going to handle a snake. I and my sister bought them kitten food, milk, and smaller bowls for them and he gives them away to girlfriend to keep. I feed his cat my cats' food. I said he could have a lizard or turtle less likely to eat a ferret or fit into a drain since all my stoppers are broken. He asked about the heat lamp they would need too. Ok, no reptlies. I wonder if he is testing my limits on kindness and gets mad when he finds one. A couple weeks before the split with his friend, he said he was going to turn my shed into a forge and sell metal objects. He took my only shed key so I will be buying bolt cutters when he loses it.

He even complained about the food I keep buying, lots of carbohydrates and no protein. I have to buy cheap food, hamburger and chicken he wants is $8 per package and can't afford to spend that much. He needs to keep his miserable jobs to help me out. I worked plenty of jobs I hated and done them for years. Though a few I quit rather quickly, but had a job waiting for me so I still had money.

Christmas Surprise

Received a surprise package for roommate on the front stoop. A grocery sack of old junk. He knows it was from his car buddy he just split up with. He says he is a bad influence by being a lover of meth, liquor, and cigarettes. Roommate has to vape cause nobody is around to buy cigarettes. He drank up the liquor car buddy gave him so mostly sober nlow aching for weed but dealing with it by vaping THC. I swear this guy would smoke weed every day of his life and yet he says he is not an addict cause he doesn't need it, he wants it to be happy. Yeah, that is the defintion of addiction. Car buddy left nothing for me even though I let him live in my house for weeks and offered my Christmas treats if he came to my hotel. He never came. I texted Merry Christmas to him and replied wishing me a Merry Christmas too.

Had a interview set up for today. Printer wouldn't work so no paper resume to give interviewer. Hope they don't hold that against me. Followed Google Maps directions and there is a road closed in front of the music store I am interviewing at. I can't find another road to get to the music store that is not closed off. Have to go home in defeat. Get home to email my apology for not being able to attend the interview and there is already an email from the interviewer stating the position has been filled. I emailed back explaining I tried to get to the interview on time and couldn't get to the music store cause of the blocked road. Have to keep trying.

Merry Christmas

Worked the overnight shift and came home in the morning. Packed car for sister's house visit. Fed cats and gave them catnip. Opened presents from Santa and lit Advent wreath Christmas Day candle. Then slept a few hours. Woke up to have roommate open his and his cat's Santa gifts. Went over to sister's house and had mid-afternoon lunch. Others had a cookie and pie snack I brought. Next we opened gifts. I thought we were having a cookie exchange but I got presents, a set of hand soap, lotion, and body spray of a brand I didn't have enough money to buy on Black Friday. Not a complete set since I didn't get shower gel, but close enough. Then we played Whoville monopoly. Nephew won. Next we watched A Christmas Story on TV. When that ended we left so I could turn on my outdoor lights for the neighbors.

Unload the car and roommate wants sex. I was too tired and wanted to watch Meet Me in St Louis before I went to bed. We had sex just the other day and about 3 times last week. I am sorry his girlfriend won't visit, but my vagina needs a rest. Put in the movie and I fall asleep. I lit my Advent candles to burn them down cause they are getting low. I wake up to find a pine cone attached to the wreath on fire, which sets off the smoke alarm. Roommate rushed upstairs to ask what was going on. We got the fire out and a burn mark on my cabinet is permanent. Finish watching the movie and go to bed.

In bed, I recite my Christmas prayer that never gets answered.

Dear Heavenly Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I ask once again on Christmas Day to hear my prayer. I don't know what I did to deserve my miserable life. I am trying to understand why blessings from you feel more like curses. Is 13 years of struggling and poverty not enough. Must I continue my suffering for whatever reason. All I ever wanted was a career, a family, and a dog. All 3 have been denied to me. I have reached menopause and will never have a child. I am trying to understand why you you don't want me to have children to leave the world a better place. I know, adopt, but it isn't the same. Now I ask once more to just let me be happy. Let me get out of this overwhelming debt. Let me find a husband to share my life with. Help me afford to adopt a dog or ferrets or another cat. That is all I ask of you. Help me be happy again. Amen.

Happy Christmas Eve

Came home from work and drove roommate to visit his girlfriend working the drive through of a coffee shop. I donated my baked treats and a candy cane for her gift from my roommate. He wrote a poem for her. As I went to bed, roommate said he will start cleaning the house. I have not done much cleaning the past 3 years since I started working overnight shifts. Feels like working 6 days a week and exhausting. Plus nobody comes over anymore so there's no point to it. I wake up and roommate is sleeping on the couch with a song about getting wasted playing on repeat.

I watch The Nutcracker on YouTube as I read my emails. I discovered it is raining so can't turn on the lights outside. There's a button on the outlet that does prevents this. Baked more cookies for our gift exchange tomorrow and roommate wakes up. He asks for something from his room for his sore back. I discovered my closet doors have a bunch of knives and holes in them. Ask what he did to my doors. The sliders for doors broke so he used them for target practice. Once I get done baking cookies, I watch Jack Frost from 1979 on my phone in my room. Roommate is playing a game on the living room TV.

Go to work using an umbrella. Pro wrestling is here. Don't know any of their names but get excited about looking at tall, buff men.

Happy Festivus

Today I wrapped Santa gifts and put them out of cat reach. I don't put them under the tree cause cats lkke to chew on the paper.

Today's Adventures

Come home from work where I discovered we are selling liquor in the gift shop. And nobody said anything so had to call supervisors at midnight to ask how much to charge for the bottles. Roommate is constantly burping. Asked what he drank. A cup of Crown Royal he got from car buddy. Ah, he's drunk. He even fell down in the hallway. He managed get up by himself. Went to bed and wished him luck on his call with his probation officer today. He cussed so I knew he forgot about that.

Wake up to go shopping for catnip and treats for cats' Santa gifts. Got a tweeting bird with the nip and gravy treat bags. Joined 2 cat photo contests. I need money. Read emails and set up a job interview for Tuesday at a music store. Asked roommate how his text messages with probation officer went. He's not off to jail yet so went well. He asked the true meaning of Christmas. I replied it the celebration of the birth of Jesus. He said thank you.

While reading my emails, roommate informed me his unfriended his car buddy from social media. This guy likes every post and a top reader of his profile. I sense this guy wants to be close to my roommate, but roommate feels suffocated to push him away. Car buddy doesn't take it well. He messages my roommate's friends, including me, to give him messages since he is blocked. Now roommate wondered how to get no contact order cause now he feels harassed. I tell him I thought he was breaking his friend's heart (car buddy had a crush on my roommate and I think he just cured this guy's crush on him). He came over the other day to get the rest of things with a friend. Two months ago these guys were going to start a business and move into an apartment together. I think friendship is over now.

Cupcakes are Frosted

Made more frosting and got the cake decorating bag out to finish the cupcakes. Then sprinkled color sugar on top. No more baking. Roommate is meditating and gettign close with God while waiting for his girlfriend. SHe has yet to appear since she said she was coming over 3 days ago. Now watching Christmas movies.

Roommate never heard from the interview manager. He said he went to the interview high cause he needed a pick me up. And he wonders why people don't hire him. And yeah, sometimes he needs a pick me up and goes to work high. I told him maybe he should go on interveiws sober.

Treats from Security Guard

Security guard (or rather his professional baker girlfriend) gave me treats for Christmas. A peanut butter chocolate ball, a plain ginger snap, a decorated gingerbread girl, and almond bark pretzel.

Later, security guard reported water all over the laundry room from a leaking washer. We have electrical cords down there so had the displeasure of calling the general manager who lives at the hotel in the middle of the night. He went down there and said he hadn't seen anything like it. Had the security guard take the vaccum cleaners out of the puddle and said he would call engineering. Might need the washer machine repair guy to come. Or buy a new one. Yikes.

Frosted the cookies tonight. Then I realized I forgot about the cupcakes. Work on those tomorrow. Then no more baking this year.

Happy Pink Candle Sunday (aka Gaudete/Rejoice Sunday)

Thank you a**wipes who tossed shiny silver confetti in the pool to celebrate someone's birthday. I had the security guard with a net trying to grab it all out. He got what he could and stopped. Left a note for engineering cause that might clog the filters and might have to close the pool.

Gingerbread men and ladies are done. Tomorrow get to frost all the cookies and my pink moscato cupcakes. Then no more baking for a while. Unless I rebake something cause I ate too much. Have 2 Christmas dinners. One on Christmas Day with sister and brother, plus our Mom and Aunt. Exteneded family Christmas on New Year's Eve with sister and nieces in Nebraksa, aunts and uncles, and cousins.

Cat Manners

Sigh. Rushing to get ready for work and get can cat food out. Bilbo cat won't come out from under the covers. Visitor cat Lily starts eating and hear Bilbo rustling around. Last time I just let Lily eat saying "All is fair in love and war". Bilbo later refused to eat after Lily when he finally came out. So tonight I removed the covers and gave that cat turd dinner in bed so he would eat. When he was finished, I put it back on the floor for Lily and Misty to eat off of. Cat manners (dominant cats eat first).

Roomate who gave his ex girlfriend his kittens when they got worms and told her she could keep them to make her feel better about him having her cat Lily. Well, she told him she broke up with her new man and gave them to her ex boyfriend sho stole ex from Roommate. He was furious this guy who was his friend stole his girl now had his kittens. He says he wants his kttens back but doesn't know where he is.

No Prize for Me

Got the results of the 2nd round of the Baking contest I entered. I was 16th place and ony 15 move on with the contest. At least I tried. People call me crazy to find more money to pay of my debt. I'm desperate and on the edge of declaring bankruptcy. Yes, bankruptcy will destroy my financial well being, but then it was already destroyed since I lost my job in 2010 and been in a downward spiral ever since.

Christmas Baking

Got the sugar cookies made. Need to bake gingerbread cookies and then get everything frosted. Since roommate's frosting was very lumpy and thick from the old powdered sugar so better sift it next time. 10 more baking days until Christmas.

Happy Birthday to Roommate

Got home in the morning from work and roommate asked me to wake him to get ready for his interview at a car wash so I stayed awake writing on a new story instead of hopping into bed. He asked me to take him to his interview too, but I would get no sleep today if I did. He asked his car buddy to take him so I could sleep. After I woke up, I took him to my hotel so he could have free cheesecake (they give free food for birthdays and anniversaries) and I bought a pizza. He loves their cheesecake. He didn't say much to his former coworkers and disappeared to sit outside in the cold. I told them he went out to smoke and a little embarrassed they saw him with bloodshot eyez from being high. Next year he turns 21 and can sit at the bar. We went home and he called his family. I asked what his family thought of him living with me. He said they were surprised he was so lucky.

Well, he said after his family abandoned him in a hotel room, he slept under bridges and nearly froze to death. He went days without eating. The sun rising in the morning warmed him up after a cold night. He said joggers ran past him and a child with her mom pointed him out stating she thought that man looked cold and the mom told her to keep walking. He realized nobody is going to help him. He said he had sex with a homeless prostitute to keep warm one night. She didn't charge him cause he was cute. He worked at a fast food place until he got a security job at my hotel and moved into a hotel room with a coworker who was sleeping in his truck. Then he stole his coworker's girlfriend and forced to move in with career criminals next door until he lost his job and got kicked out. He stayed with friends until he was kicked out. He called me cause he had no place to go. I offered once my place to crash when I found out he was homeless living under a bridge until he moved in with his coworker. He was barely out of school and hardly any work experience to get a good job. Now he is living with me dreaming about getting his driver's permit to get a license so many jobs require and maybe go to college to be a mechanical engineer. He wanted to earn money to visit his family and was told not to come. Yeah, he's lucky people like him and care about him.

No Show, No Call

Girlfriend who was set to bring my roommate Mary Jane today never showed up. Big Surprise. Roommate was so excited to see her too. Since tomorrow is his birthday, I baked a cake for him. I took it to work and he dropped by, but people he knew weren't there. I got plates and silverware for the cake, but nobody wanted a piece. He was with his friends at a hotel all night. Birthday started at midnight. They gave him a bottle of wine and a Galileo thermometer. He said his friend did food delivery for hours to buy that wine. His other friend didn't have money to buy him a present so she gave him something she already owned and knew he liked it. He was so touched so many people care about him.

Ring around the Rosy Drama

Roommate's latest ex girlfriend came by with her sister and baby niece to pick up her stuff from my house. He asked for a few dollars sent to his online wallet to give her gas money. Of course I sent it. Apparently he now feels guilty for breaking up with her so they are back on again. She has been going through issues and someone had her phone to block roommate from talking to her. She was running away from her abusive ex and is done with him. Then he talks about red flags he sees and says he doesn't know what to do. I told him not to feel guilty because he didn't know what was going on when he broke up with her when she wasn't communicating. Tomorrow she returns with weed and roommate is so excited. Then he realized one of his air pistol pellets hit his glass bong and it's broken. I told him he can use one of the plastic bottles he has laying around my house. Then his stocking I bought arrived and he loves it. Next he left to go food delivering with his car buddy he threw out a few days ago. I guess they made up a little.

Interesting conversations

Ask the front desk person if they met the new sales coordinator they hired instead of me. Yes. I replied, Let me guess what they are like cause sales directors keep hiring the same person. She is blonde, age 20, no experience and/or no brain, and has a sparkling personality who will leave in 4 months when they can't handle the actual job. They said they were not blonde and had no hotel experience. They think She won't last 30 days.

A guest asked for cups for tea packets in the gift shop. We were out so offered to send some to their room. No, they will just get Gatorade cause their room doesn't have hot water. OK, guess they don't know how to heat water in the micowave or with the coffee pot (who says you have to put a coffee packet in the pot).

Went to make sugar cookies with my cookie dough in the fridge and I can't find my rolling pin. Looked all over the kitchen cupboards in case roommate put it away not knowing where things go. A cookie sheet is missing too, though I think roomamate might have ruined it and threw it away. Have to buy a new one before I can make cookies. Then gotta work on roommate's birthday cake. He turns 20 in 3 days. I ordered a Christmas stocking for him since he doesn't have one in my house. It has the Grinch with Max. I hope he likes it. He says he likes Grinch That Stole Christmas.

Cat fight and a wet bed

Watched Die Hard with roommate since we have the house back to just us again. I always have a heart attack looking at the gas price in the scen where the cop at the gas station looks at the building. Go to work and return home to have my roommate inform me of a major cat fight occurring around 4 AM. He showed me his scratches from the separatling the cats. Poor Bilbo was shut into my room and hiding under my covers. He came out for his treats and his tail was wet. Realized getting into bed that there is a wet spot. Bilbo peed in my bed and there was poop by the window. Sigh. Had to sleep trying to avoid the wet spot and then washed the sheets and blanket with vinegar.

Christmas Letter 2023

Merry Christmas to all my family and friends,

Spent New Year’s Eve with family having our extended family Christmas. Then went to work at my hotel job as the night auditor. I knew it was midnight when heard people screaming in the lobby. Soon I was training the new front desk manager in the night audit. She spent the night texting on her phone when I was trying to show her how to do the night reports. Then suddenly, she completely stopped showing up for work and they fired her after three days. No more training. Made Heart Wreaths for Valentine’s Day. I made gnomes from red, pink, and white yarn too. I got a new mold to make heart wax melts and added Strawberry Rose as a new scent in my collection. Got a new roommate when an old coworker (security guard at the hotel I work at) needed a place to crash. I picked him up at work to offer the guest room until he got back onto his feet again. He is a good cook and helps fix things.

Saw Niece #3 visiting the States from South Korea. She gives kids English lessons. Celebrated ferret Boromir’s 6th Birthday with cupcakes. Celebrated Valentine’s Day by making a heart cake for my coworkers. Celebrated ferret Luthien’s 7th Birthday with cupcakes. I made a leprechaun gnome for St. Patrick’s Day. Had to shut down my Etsy shop from lack of sales. My Square shop has a free subscription option to try to keep that going. Got accepted into a new farmer’s market this summer but had to decline it after going into credit counseling and could no longer afford it. I was hoping a different market would yield better results. I lost my ferret Boromir while at work when he fell down the stairs. He was wrestling with Bilbo and got knocked off to tumble down the stairs. I wrapped Boromir in a towel and went back to work. We think he died from internal injuries. At least my roommate was there when he died so he wasn’t alone. Poor ferret Luthien took to sleeping in Boromir’s spots. She missed him. Did a live reading of my Easter book and made a video to put up on YouTube. Didn’t make any Easter items after losing Boromir, started credit counseling, and searched for a new job. My creativity gave me no joy. I was planning to make spring wreaths and gnomes with supplies I bought. Soon I was asked to take in my roommate’s friend’s cat and dog for a while. Bilbo and Misty don’t like the new visitors. Poor dog was soon terrified of my cats when she was just being friendly.

Added the doggo to the Easter Bunny Trap story this year. My last one since my niece and nephew are grown up now. I had no carrots nor carrot cake to use as bait, so ferret Luthien used a banana. Cat Misty looked up on the internet if rabbits like bananas. They do. They set the trap and the Bunny rings the bell tied to a string when he grabs the banana. Doggo chased the Bunny out the door and the Bunny left the string on his foot on the fence. Luthien, Bilbo, and Misty were disappointed they didn’t get the chance to take more chocolate eggs out of his basket. All they got was their own basket from the Bunny he dropped as he ran out the door. For the summer I added the wax fragrance Ocean Breeze to the shop collection. Also created a Sugar Plum scent for Christmas.

After a year of searching, I landed a new job as an accounting clerk at another hotel. Arrived on my first day and I was introduced as Accounting Manager. That would explain the salary I was offered. Started walking around Gray’s Lake this summer. Attended nephew Lukas’s high school graduation. He is going to college to learn forensic science. Celebrated my brother’s birthday at his house. Visited Dad at the cemetery on Father’s Day. Had to work on Memorial Day so couldn’t visit cemeteries with my family. June 8th, I started my new job. Since I was on salary, I enjoyed the 4th of July with my family. We celebrated Mom’s birthday, and my roommate came along to meet my family. RAGBRAI came to Des Moines and met a few bikers in the service elevator. I could hear the music in Water Works Park from my house. I lost poor ferret Luthien. I came home from picking my roommate up from his job and found Luthien curled up as if she was sleeping. I petted her and realized she was cold and stiff. My roommate and I were up past midnight burying her in the backyard. A few days later I went to the local amusement park to celebrate my brother-in-law’s birthday. Missed my nephew’s birthday party cause I was working. Dropped by later to give him his card and he was working. Ran into Presidential Candidate Nikki Haley while I ran through the lobby to pay a kitchen delivery guy. I asked to shake her hand. I had to be professional. My hotel hosted all the candidates here for the Iowa State Fair. Didn’t run into any others. Deleted my ferret social media pages where I sold my merchandise online and started new pages promoting just the merchandise.

My roommate went on a camping trip with his work buddy, and I got to take care of the dog. Started taking her for walks around the neighborhood and Gray’s Lake. She even started to bark that she hadn’t done since she arrived. Usually, she just whined and whimpered. I don’t know if it’s the neighbor dogs barking, or if she felt safe in my house that she found her bark again. Then started applying for jobs cause the new general manager at my hotel was driving me crazy. He gave a honey-do-list every day as if I was his secretary instead of an accounting manager. This man had a great deal of trouble understanding my job description. He asked me to do things I couldn’t do because I didn’t have access or training in those tasks he wanted done. Taking the dog out to Gray’s Lake became a great de-stressor for me. Celebrated my 48th birthday, which was also Labor Day and I didn’t have to work, with family and then my roommate. Family lunch was at Pizza Ranch and then cake at my brother's house while roommate took me for birthday dinner at my old hotel restaurant.

Soon after I came to work to find I had been replaced by the Director of Finance that I had replaced 4 months before. I am demoted to part time which means I lose my insurance. I asked my old hotel for a job to leave a general manager who told me to my face on 2 different days to quit and go on unemployment because I was inadequately trained, and this wasn’t working out. The sales director mentioned looking for help and I emailed him to apply to receive no answer. I spent a year applying and interviewing to get this job and I didn’t want to quit after 4 months, but the general manager wants me to disappear. Managed to get my old hotel night auditor job back for less pay than I was making before I quit. Nice way to welcome me back. Met the new managers and directors from the manager exodus during the summer. The visitor dog left to return to her family. Hopefully they take good care of her since she is such a sweet dog. I petted her good-bye and grabbed her things. I let her have one of the ferret toys of an Easter Rabbit that she loves to squeak. Visited with a bankruptcy attorney and received a packet to fill out. Now must stop paying on credit cards complete all the steps to declaring bankruptcy. New general manager at the hotel let us dress up for Halloween that was a work appropriate attire. I wore a suit and tall striped hat with make up to be the female version of Cat in the Hat. Celebrated Bilbo and Misty’s 5th Birthday with catnip and cake. Celebrated Niece #4’s 20th Birthday at sister’s house with cake and ice cream. Got Thanksgiving and Black Friday off so spent it with my family. Took Niece #4 out shopping on Black Friday. It’s amazing how stores open 5-6 AM instead of competing to be 1st store open pre-Covid. Spent 3 days putting up my Christmas decorations and then helped Mom put her decorations up. Soon started baking English toffee, fudge, cupcakes, and cookies.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,

Jordan

Bilbo and Misty

Strike another friend from the house

Doing my laundry and roommate's car buddy came home. Roommate commented car buddy was drunk. Roommate next is upset he just got a call from his friend that car buddy showed up at their house while they were having their visitation with their kid and were embarrassed. This starts a 3-hour long fight all over the house and somehow my name gets getting brought up. Roommate goes on how much his friend drinks, the bad friends he has brought to my house, he's been on drugs since age 13, been in this state while his family is in another state for 3 years, and now after living with me who has done so much for him, he dreams of going to college. He wants to give up the drugs cause it brought him nothing but trouble and dysfunctional addict friends. You have no idea how proud of him I am at this moment. He tries to help his friends but finds out they are just using him (which is why he broke up with his last girlfriend when she ignored him for weeks and then asked him for money). Roommate kicks out car buddy. Car buddy asks me to stay here since I own the house and promised to pay rent. I reply that he can stay the night cause I am not tossing out someone at 8:00 at night to sleep on the sidewalk (or his car). But beyond that it is my roommate's decision since he is the one who begged me to let him move in. Car buddy starts packing up his stuff into his car sniffling as if he was crying. I asked if he will be okay and he replied he didn't know. He tells me to inform my roommate he can find a new ride. I relay the message and roommate enters the room upset with his car buddy again. I having been driving him around before car buddy arrived and can do it again. He still wants to be friends and hang out playing video games, he just needs space from him for a while. Car buddy leaves. Then roommate wants sex. I'm doing laundry and have to get ready for work in an hour, plus he just kicked out his friend. I'm not having sex with him right now. Perhaps after I get home in the morning.

Good deed of the day

Went over to Mom's apartment to put up her decorations for her. Arrive and Mom doesn't want me to put up anything. She wants me to take everything home. She bought a small topiary tree already decorated and doesn't need anything else out cause she doesn't have room for it. I see plenty of room for her decorations. It is time for her assisted living supper. I tell her to go eat her supper. Sometimes you just have to tell people to stop arguing with you and just say thank you. I put out the decorations and she returns happy. Yeah, she did have plenty of room. Turns out she didn't have the energy and flexibility to sit her Nativity scene and Christmas Village on the floor. That's why I was there and it's our tradition for me to put put out her decorations for her. Though I bumped her plant searching for a electrical socket to plug in the extension cord. I put the plant back and picked up as much dirt I could find, but I am sure it's going to die. Nurses came by with her laundry then her pills. The 2nd one got a broom to sweep up the dirt. Helped Mom put away her laundry and then said my good-byes.

Having a Good Heart

In all my misery and heartaches compiled with disappointment, I still find myself donating the last dollar in my purse to the Salvation Army red kettle and preparing treat boxes for the vet, chiropractor, mechanic, and mail carrier. I don't have to, but my kindness is something not even bad luck can take away from me. And this is also probably why I don't have friends, people feel guilty I give when they don't. Then with others, when I do stop giving when going broke, they throw a hissy fit how they won't give me anything if I stop giving them stuff. I can't win.

1st Advent Sunday

Watched my childhood church's service on the computer (in another town too far drive) and lit my first Advent wreath candle. Today I start my baking. Fudge and English Toffee tonight on the stovetop. Pink Moscato Cupcakes and drop peanut butter cookies with Hershey Kiss on top next. Then roll out gingerbread people and sugar cookies last. And nobody will give me a chance as an event planner or hotel Christmas decorator. Oh well, keep applying for jobs.

Then roommate mentioned he didn't work at the fast food place anymore. He spilled oil on the floor and manager made him stay until 3 AM cleaning it up. So he quit. Sigh, 3 jobs in 1 year does not look good to prospective employers. At least he does food delivery with his friend who practically moved in too.

Baking Ingredients Sale

Earlier this week I went grocery shopping and got depressed looking at all the baking ingredients knowing I have to save money and can't go beserk with Christmas baking this year. Well Hy-Vee has a baking sale this weekend so I shopped for ingredients (and only got what I needed). So will be baking my Pink Moscato cupcakes my coworkers love and family don't eat. Plus gingerbread people, sugar, and peanut butter with Hershey Kiss cookies. Then English Toffee and fudge. No almond bark pretzels this year, I had to cut something.

Disappointment is par for my life

Checked the status of my application for sales coordinator at my hotel. I was not selected. Huge surprise. Old sales director rejected me last year so why should the new director be different. Just keep applying at other places cause this hotel management team will never let me leave night audit hell. I also found out I was rejected in setting up the Christmas decorations around the hotel. My supervisor will be doing it. Another kick in the teeth is just another day in the adventures of being me.

Advent Calendar

Happy December 1. We all can start working on the Advent Calendar now. My niece got me a Buy 1 Get 1 Free chocolate Advent calendar on Black Friday. She kept one and gave the other to me. Such a sweet girl. She once wanted all my family to exchange gifts on Christmas. This Sunday I will light my first Advent candle.

There is a reason we don't exchange gifts. I have a cheap brother who doesn't want to buy anything for anybody and only does it out of obligation. Then one (I have 2) sister who wanted extragent gifts nobody in family can afford. One year she demanded we all buy her a $400 mixer she wanted, so $100 from each sibling (3) and our parents (1). Then she got mad we refused to do that. For my part, I didn't have $100 to give her and gave her a $20 gift card to the store she wanted the buy the mixer from. Later she asked us not to buy her anything cause she hated our cheap gifts and then got mad she she received no presents to unwrap on Christmas Day (she unwrapped the cat's present). Then more arguments when she gave us a list of things to buy her children and threw a hissy fit if we decided to buy something else. My argument was "It's my money and I will decide how I spend it on gifts". Then the climax of this fighting. I lost my job and announced no presents that year (I made the same announcement this year in light of my pending bankruptcy filing). Family threw a conniption fit cause what will they say to their children (Your children hate my cheap gifts not on their wish list so I doubt they will feel unloved from it). Brother was happy not to buy presents for any of us even though he makes the most money and not dependent on our mother for rent money, gas, and food. I affirmed that I announced that "I" am broke and our mother should not be responsible for buying gifts for me to hand out to others. They can do whatever they want. My sister put my name on a couple gifts she bought so my niece and nephew didn't know about my announcement until years later when it got brought in a conversation. Thereafter, we just bought gifts for the nieces and nephew plus our parents, then added great-nieces, but not exchange gifts between us siblings.