You know...

You know you are pathetic when your chiropractor's receptionist tells you that they will pray for you when discussing your lack of human companion. I've been praying for over 20 years and yet to meet Mr. Wonderful. But, said thank you anyway. Few men want a dork who loves Lord of the Rings and Star Wars.

Past Men Autopsy:

There was the coworker who asked me out after I was staring at him for weeks who failed to show up for our date because he was pulled over by a cop and arrested for drugs. Then he was fired when he was caught stealing from the cash register so never saw him again. He was cute.

There was the coworker who told me after arriving for our date to never look pretty again (I had a dress and make up on). He had some baggage from his 2 ex-wives. He smoked and I have asthma so that wasn't going to work out. After a couple dates, he stopped talking to me.

There was the blind date with a smoker who wouldn't tell me anything about himself, but expected me to tell him my life story. I refused anymore dates with him.

There was the janitor who daily picked up our garbage who asked me out 4 times and I turned him down 4 times. He had a daughter close to my age and we had nothing in common. He actually gave me his phone number to call him, then got upset I never did. He died of a heart attack the same week I buried my father.

There was the married coworker whose two girlfriends left him when his wife had a baby. I reacted, "Don't look at me". Eventually he got another job.

There was the married coworker whose wife was having an affair who asked me out 4 times and I turned him down 4 times. Eventually he got fired after too many customer complaints.

There was the coworker who promised to quit smoking someday. He just hung around on my sofa and played my grandma's guitar. He then got fired and stopped talking to me. I liked him, he was fun to talk to.

There was my favorite Martian who gave me a promise ring and I like to say we were engaged for 3 weeks. I even got a Wedding Planning book. Then he broke it off cause I wasn't changing personalities and he was a big, fat liar. Pawned the promise ring for $14 (after he refused to take it back) and bought a new pair suede boots. Still have the wedding planning book covered in dust. Returning that would be giving up hope of anyone wanting to marry me.

As I tell my Mom, I just haven't found the right person yet.